Husband is too distant since birth of twins is soo close?

Question

Me and my husband are proud parents of 3 and 4 year old boys. Just about 8 months ago my and my husband found out two more bundles of joy were coming in so of course we were excited. Since I am 8 months in my husband seems to not want to be with me like he used to. I dont think its nerves because well we have been through this twice we are experienced. Im not sure what the problem is he says he needs space and I can understand that but i cant take care of me the twins and my boys by myself is this fair, and what should i do?

Answer 1

No it's not fair and he needs to talk to you.  Time for himself, they way it sounds, would be so selfish of him.  Keep your cool though and find a good time when the 2 of you can be alone to talk with him.  Is there a chance that your other kids sleep with you guys?  This happens a lot in families, never here though.  My brother had problems with "wanting space" right after his 3rd child was born.  All them were sleeping in one king size bed and he said he had had enough of it.  I would really need more info to help.  If you give me some by email or something, believe me I feel for you, I may not be able to answer until 1st thing in the morning.  I drag race and have to run my car tonight.  Yes, I'm a 43 year old female drag racer for NHRA and have a lot of experience with relationships.  Remember though, keep your cool while trying to resolve this issue.  Getting upset can make things worse all the way around and for all of you guys.  Hang in!

Answer 2

Communication is the ONLY way to find out what's bugging him.  You probably have many fears about adding twins to your family.  Adding one baby to your family is one thing, but two at a time can tend to scare a lot of people (myself included).  

He could be worried about money, your health, your older kids, how you will all handle taking care of two at a time.  There are so many things that go through a parent's mind when they're about to become parents.  Perhaps he doesn't want to burden you with his problems since he thinks you've got enough to worry about.  

He says he wants space.  Maybe he's feeling a bit overwhelmed about all the drastic changes going on.  But the fact remains that parenting is (or at least SHOULD be) a team effort.  He needs to be there for you just as much as you need to be there for him.  

If I were in your situation, I would ask WHY he needs the space.  What's bothering him so much that he doesn't want to share it with you?  

Good luck and welcome to the wonderful world of TWINS!

Answer 3

Men are such idiots.  They only think with me radars (most of them) and prepare themselves for life that way.  More than likely he doesn't want to have intercourse for all the same reasons most men don't when we're ready to have their babies.  Mine actually came out and told me the other day he finds me attractive but doesn't want to do it with 'the package' in the way.  As if I'm not hormonal enough and feeling like a huge house!!!  Likley your husband is feeling his window of freedom get that much smaller from so many children so close together.  Maybe he has fears about being a father to twins as the same time?  With men sometimes it can be the smallest thing.  Just be supportive and be there for him and mention that you'd like to understand how he's feeling and what he's feeling and what his fears are.  Voice your own to him, he may open up.  If not, just leave it until they are born and once they're there, he'll likely have a break down and cry his eyes out.  I think men are worse with emotions because a lot of the time they don't really register it until it gets too much.  My husband is the exact same way.  He gets very moody during the last trimester and starts to say mean things.  I just ignore him for the most part, but sometimes I do get into it with him when he goes to far.  Men have to deal with all the typical male c**p plus they have a hormonal pregnant wife, blah, blah, blah.  I wouldn't take it personally because you're likely feeling more sensitive than ever and the more you approach the topic the more irritated he could become with it.  Maybe you guys could try couples counselling?

Answer 4

bless you im sure it will be fine you say its not rerves but going from 2 kids to 4 has got to be danting  no matter how much experiance you both have ! talk to him nicely without the hormones hehe ell him you still love him but nead him to you nead hugs and loveing     good luck