Husband isn't being unfaithful, right?

Question

Oh, I'm so much better at giving advice to others than to myself! So let me just ask you guys... I'll need to explain a bit. Please, bare with me, I'm not one to really air out my dirty laudry, but I might need someone to kinda point me in the right direction.

My husband is definetly the non-cheating type. He is fully willing to admit that he cheated on alot of his other girlfriends when he was young. But after 18 he realized all that he had messed up with it. He did'nt cheat on his first wife. He holds firm to the whole promise to God you make when you marry. Please, nobody use that phrase "once a cheater always a cheater". I know from personal experience that's not true. So basically, I am noting to you that I may just be having trust issues that I need to work on, and my suspicion may just be paranoia.

We've been married for about a year now. When we very first got serious, there were a couple issues, but he stayed loyal and we worked them out. Then about three months ago he started getting really paranoid with me(which is nuts. considering how faithful I am. Everyone knows this.). See, he got in a bad car wreck when he was a teeager that left him with PTS and he can't drive. So I run all the errands. He started making alot of comment and insinuations and eventually flat out started accusing me and giving me the 21 questions. Considering he knows how ludicrous this is (admittedly) I started to wonder about the whole "guilty conscience" thing. Then we sat down and worked that out. It pretty much all subsided. Then the most recent thing involves a tennant at our apartment complex. Her and her roomated got in a fight out in the open, he pushed her little boy, and was getting unruly. My husband intervened and the man refused to leave or go back to his unit. It eventually got to the point that he was making threats to other residence, my husband, me and even our daughter. So my husband did what any man would do and it got physical as he escorted him off the property. Well then, this girl Anna, for the remainer of the time was making the whole thing seem like my husband was her hero, he protected and saved her, ect. Please note that before this, she had told my husband she wanted to have a drink with him at his house(with other insinuations), which he told me about, to which he stated, "I don't think my wife would appreciate that.". Back to story. So all the sudden I start to notice that when my husband goes outside to take care of little stuff it takes him a while. When I go to look, he's talking with some tenants and her. His opinion of her completely changes... "oh, you should be friends with her. she's really cool, ect.". One night, she left her son and his friend home alone while she went on a date with some guy and my husband asked the kid about it and the guy like four times in a half hour period of time. Then she finally goes to move out, and she's moving into her ex's house. She came to knock on our door and my husband stood there talking for a while, and it seemed like they were having a rather serious conversation. My husband was standing at the door and kind of holding it closed the rest of the way. So I get up to see what was going on. I go out there and she's looking kind of nervous, my husband doesn't seem too happy. I get her number, cause she is cool and let's face it, I could just be making stuff up in my mind. But I don't want to be stupid either. Could someone please tell me what they think about this?

Answer 1

Um, I think your husband is protecting you from a mental woman, even though she's nice, she's LEAVING. I would let it go. He made himself clear to her the first time. He probably didn't want to bother you with her coming to the door.

Answer 2

I'm not necessarily saying that he cheated on you, but I think he has a crush on her, and same her. However, I think she has no shame, knowing that he's married, when she went to your house after she moved, she could have gone inside to talk to BOTH of you guys. But now that she's gone, how things going? Or do you see him more suspicious? In my opinion I would check his cell phone, internet history. But good luck :) I think it was just a crush.

Answer 3

That's ridiculous...I think he's got a thing for her.

Answer 4

Its a huge possiblity being as you dont sound like a jealous woman in the first place go with your gut. Talk to him about it. If you have to talk to her about it. It definantly sounds like something is going on. Those are all pretty good signs of a cheater. I almost bet what got him was when he felt like a hero he felt good because he helped someone out and she was pawning all over him ... men do that she boosted his ego. The s*x drop is also a good sign!

Answer 5

He is interested in this woman...he is sleeping with her.  You are not overreacting.

Answer 6

I think it's possible that he is interested in her, she has also made advances towards him it sounds like? The fact that she has given him some attention might just be feeding his ego. The fact that she is moving is a very good thing for your relationship. I wouldn't read too much into it, be secure around your hubby. Men and women can be friends without there being something going on. Keep your eyes and ears open, to make sure that nothing really is going on. Be smart and talk to him about how you are feeling if you see suspicious behavior from him.  It's time to have a heart to heart.

Answer 7

Have you asked him point blank if anything is going on between the two of them?  He would probably deny anything was, but you can tell a lot by his reaction.  If nothing is going on and they are truly just friends, you should be very welcome into the friendship.  Nothing should be going on behind your back ... period.  I think you just have to wait and see what happens, but keep your eyes open.  

Answer 8

Shorten that question by 70% and repost it. Nobody will read all that c**p.

Answer 9

You got off subject so long I hope  I understand everything.  But It sounds like you are being insecure.  

Answer 10

Slowly but surely he has developed feelings for her.  Maybe not at first, but now since she is idolizing him, he feels manly and is probably walking around like a cocky rooster protecting the hen house.  Your not being nuts.  I read the entire thing too.  If you let it be this will develop into a strong relationship and he will probably leave you for this chic.  It was manly for him to escort that guy off the property but now this neighbor or what have you looks at your man in a totally different light.  Most men would just have called police and stopped him from doing any more damage.  d**n right he has her number, wouldn't you?  Reverse the roles and imagine how you'd feel.  Sure yes he'd like you to be friends that way he sees her more legitimately.  If you ignore this you are searching for trouble.    

Answer 11

Whew! That was a lot. However, this is an interesting one. Saying something could make you look insecure and not saying something could mean you are being too passive. If you feel like this woman is overstepping her boundaries, I would let her know and I would let him know as well. I would only say it once. Cause it certainly looks like marriage counseling is in your future if you have to say it again.

Answer 12

Hi my name is rich.i,m gonna take a stab in the dark here. To me, being a man and all, sounds like he likes the attention. I'll be honest it feels good and not in the sexual way either. the way ,that its nice to have that attention from some one else.you say a car wreak? makes perfect sense he likes the way of being the hero. he likes to hear it , i would.he's probably over playing the hero part to much it will die off she'll get over it and he will too.he sounds like a good man he's not interested in her, he just likes to to be the hero.don't worry

Answer 13

Although you said not to mention "a cheater is always a cheater," I have to point out and say, why is your first thought that he might be cheating on your with her?

Let's look at this logically:

He's saved her from being with a psychopath

He protected her kid, while in a physical confrontation with another man

Her child is completely grateful and will be forever impressed with him

Men love to feel needed

He wants to help because he's a good guy

Let's look at this from his point of view:

He looks tough to this woman and child

He looks like a guy that can be trusted

He sees a woman and child struggling to stand on their feet

He sees a woman who has issues with herself and finding the right kind of guy to help her out in her circumstances.

He sees she's a nice person (cool) enough to talk to, but to keep at a distance.

Let look at this from her point of view:

She's forever thankful for his stepping in and saving her and her kid

She's attracted to his character; he's strong and forceful

She looks up to your husband and sees him as someone that can be trusted and might even feel some attraction

She look up to your husband as a role model of what a man should be like

She's nervous about showing how much she appreciates your husband, without seeming to be attracted while you're around.

If you still suspect you husband is cheating - ask him about it.  If he says no, that's the end of it.  You can't keep "thinking" and trying to find evidence where there isn't anything to fulfil your doubts.

About the lack of s*x - it happens to all of us.  There's some highs and there's some lows, and then there's everything in between.

Answer 14

it kinda seems like one of those things that they do something behind ur back BUT not behind ur back BUT right infront of u so since its sooo obvious u DONT expect it.. like when they was talkin n he had the door closed. i mean if it wasnt anything "like that" he coulda opened the door, or had her come in and talked where U can see em. N why would she look nervous... im not sayin he's fu***n the Bitc* but maybe they had a lil something going on?? idk.. but 90% of the time when u suspect ur bf/gf/husband/wife is cheating, its cuz they are..