Husband lies 2 me . Then will hit me.?

Question

He has had help.After lots of talking he has told me that the fear of telling the truth is greater then the consequences of hitting me. He also tells me if I was to let him cool down in an argument and go away for a few hours

he wouldn't hit me

Answer 1

dump him..if hes had help and still didnt change hes not worth it..he will get ur trust back and do it again

Answer 2

And you're still with him because ________________?

Answer 3

Your husband is still blaming you for his inability to resolve conflict and keep his temper under control.  This is the main reason why you need to leave him.  No matter how much therapy he goes through, if he believes that you deserve to get hit because you aren't doing what he wants you to do -- then the abuse will never stop.  He doesn't believe that what he's doing is wrong or that he is responsible for his actions.  

Look at this website for some help:

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/

Answer 4

Get rid of this guy, unless you like getting hit. He is never going to change. You deserve better.

Answer 5

pack your S**t up and run!  girl - he's telling you that YOUR actions and/or words are preventing him from utilizing self-control.  COMPLETE bullshit.

get out before it gets worse.

Answer 6

Your wasting your valuable life every second you have doubt with your partner. People tend to make reasons to stay together when its blantanly obvious that seperating is the best way to go. You may have kids and what not but this criminal behaviour will have ripple effects for everyone involved. He'll feel like he can do anything and will end up cheating, you'll be all sad and torn up inside saying deep down things will get better and if you have kids holy c**p you get my drift. A smart person knows when to call it quits.I hope that the right decision find you in time. The fact that you posted this question is saying that your screaming for help and understanding when you are the one who needs to understand that only you can help yourself. Best of luck

Answer 7

If he is afraid of telling the truth, the guy as a big problem.  He would rather hit you and tell a lie than be a big boy and treat you with respect.  You have to leave the house to allow him to sit there in the comfort of his own home and cool off.  You know that this is going to get worse.  What happens where there are children involved>  Do they have to leave the house while dad cools off too?  What does he lie  about, so many questions, and they all end up with the same solution.  He needs some serious professional help now.  I would advise you to get a lawyer while he is getting professional help.  

Answer 8

I think you should seek help & make a plan to leave him. There are women's shelters that could help you.  

Answer 9

Put up with it once and it will happen over and over again.  My husband tried it once and I called the cops, he's come close again but stops immediately when I threaten to call again, (he's a lawyer with too much to lose).

Answer 10

he had help before and didnt work, he lies and hits you?! well you should not be with him no more, why do you keep this happening to you look for somebody else,the man got problems and is better for you to move on before one day he end up beating you badly and who knows where you might end. he needs help and you to.

Answer 11

Get an attorney and divorce his crazy ***.  He isn't worth the trouble.  Also, call 911 next time he hits you and have him arrested.  That is BS.  There is no excuse for hitting another person.  He needs more help than he is getting.

Answer 12

yeah right its  your fault not!! he's a grown *** man  he should be able to control his anger no excuse  leave him you deserve better!!!

Answer 13

Honey be very careful with him.  Have you guys gone TOGETHER to Marriage Counseling? If the BOTH of you haven't this might be a good opportunity but only if you want this marriage to work.  In my opinion I think he is dangerous and he is worst if he is a liar because you never know if what he saying is the truth or a lie.  Trust is a very big factor in a relationship follow by communication and if he is not doing none of this then he is not WORTH AT ALL.  Your life would be miserable and your self-esteem will go lower and lower when reality is that this is his problem not yours.  YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Answer 14

That's a typical abuser for you. He makes you feel guilty for him hitting you telling you that if you have let him cool down he wouldn't. He tells you it's your fault, please don't let him control you. Leave him.

Answer 15

So in other words you get into fights & get in his face.

Sound like you need some skills on how to ask your ?'s with out getting hit.

You said he has had help what about you?

A man that has problems hitting is not a real man but a woman that keeps going back for more in not right in the head.

You both need help & if you are not going to get it then leave, why you are still able.

Answer 16

divorce him

Answer 17

the best advise i can give you is when you argue with him let him leave and go somewhere to cool down or even you leave and give him some space. but ask yourself if this relationship is worth saving. i mean what if he can't change? what if he can't tell you the truth about anything? how are you going to be able to deal with it? and do you want kids? would he make a good father in your eyes? those are serious questions that you need to ask yourself for your future and your well being. in my opinion if he hits you then you should leave! i grew up in an abusive home and that really scares the kids that are involved so take some time get some space and think this out!

Answer 18

People lie.  You can't control it.  If he truly has a fear of telling the truth (meaning facing the consequences of those truths) then you can never have something solid with him.

Here's the bigger problem:  you CAN stop him from hitting you, so why aren't you?  No one deserves to be physically abused (or abused in any other way).  By telling you that if you "go away" for a few hours so that he won't hit you, he is shifting the blame for the abuse on to you.  Why would you allow that to happen?  

Answer 19

If your husband is hitting you then leave him'b'cuz he's gonna do it again.

Answer 20

Look i don't feel sorry for you becuase you already know your answer and some people are stupid and "in love" so they would never leave they just stay and get support and help from people who care!!! Nobody cares if you stay or go !! you are the only one who can make that choice so go or stay but don't cry or complain when you get your a$$ whooped.

Answer 21

I don't see a question here, just several statements.  

You don't say how long this has been happening, but either way, I'd divorce him if you can.

If you have no financial means to be on your own, contact someone you can trust, your parents, your siblings, a trusted friend of yours(not one of his) and explain to them the situation and ask if you can stay with them until you get on your feet, but then work hard to get a job and get on your feet.

Answer 22

He is a coward and saying that as a cop-out.  Get away from him and the sooner, the better.  You need to put  several hundred miles between the two of you or he will never leave you alone.

Answer 23

Oh come on, please. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? he wants you to be responsible for his abuse? He expects you to go away until he cools down, are you KIDDING me??? Get a DIVORCE NOW, the guy is a TOTAL loser weenie abuser and you need to get away from his crazy *** NOW.