Husband not happy? What do I do , Please read!!!!?

Question

My husband and I recently moved to a new city so he could possibly make money as he is self employed most of the time. Her said it would be better here. Now that he is here he can't find a self employment idea or a business willing to hire him to work from home. I work full time outside the home. He stays home and watches the baby all day and had become depressed, although he will say he is not....Recently he stated that it is the marriage that he is not happy with as well and wants to move back home with his parent and not even get a place here so that he can be near our daughter. I may be pregnant again and am so distressed. I am soon to be in school working on my masters and my mom moved down. I don't know what to do. I can understand him not wanting to b married, but not wanting to support himself confuses me. What will I do. Now that my mom is here, I am sure there is pressure on him to do something. I have been the consistent income, although he has made good income in the past sporadically. He has not cheated, but stays in the room all day when not keeping my daughter. Help what should I do , I have tried counciling and he refuses, ive also tried writing him a note. He definately doent want more kids. OMG I'm in my 30's as is he advice please. Any single moms or anyone been through this. Or anyone have advice...

Answer 1

Hey- single mom here.  In my experience, once a man checks out of his responsibilities there's no turning back.  Personally, I think if you got a babysitter and he got a job outside the home, things might pick up, but it depends on the kind of man you have.  Some men take great pleasure in going to work and supporting their families, others (the ones we should stay away from) are just not built that way.  He'll move back with his parents and coast along, not take care of his kids, move from one relationship to the next and leave no legacy.  You, on the other hand, should be and need to be better, 100 times better actually.  There are children all over the world with sub-par fathers (whether they're married to their mothers or not), but as long as they have an exceptional mother, it shouldn't matter.  The greatest minds of our time have been abandoned by their fathers.  There's me for one.

Answer 2

Considering your 30 and working on your masters it is hard to believe you have gotten into such a mess.  he wants to move home because his parents will take care of him.  He feels he has to compete with the child for whatever you bring home, he is a spoiled brat, thank his parents for that.  Now you have another on the way, he will have twice as much child support to pay, or at least his parents will have to keep him out of jail.  Good thing you have your mother in your time of need.

Answer 3

OK, first, offer him anal s*x.  Good (heterosexual) anal s*x can solve a lot of problems.  

Second, if your mom is a nag, she needs to go.  If your husband is attracted to your mom, you can tell her to offer him a little nook.  If he finds her attractive but a nag, he can stuff her mouth with his sausage solving both problems at once.  

Third, if any of the solutions above involving s*x are implemented, get pictures or video and post them on the Internet.  But send me a copy first.  Posting them on the Internet will allow you to experience a certain amount of fame.  Fame will do two things for you: 1) It will bring you happiness.  Look at all the famous people.  They are so happy.  2) With fame comes recognition.  People will hire folks they recognize.  That will solve your husband's employment problem.  

That will be $150 please (I accept sexual favors in trade).

Answer 4

I think when our husbands are unhappy with one aspect of their lives they want to throw everything in that same basket and walk away from it all and not deal with it.  My husband recently told me he was unhappy and didn't know if he wanted to be married to me anymore.  He said he wanted to become a coach more than have a family and you can't coach college and have a good marriage.  Well that was BS!!!  I had stood beside that dream of his while he has been the volunteer coach, waiting for the big moment when he can be a full time.  Anyways, give him the space he is asking for, but show him you are not willing to give up on the marriage.  The worst thing you can do is move out or have him move out.  He needs to stay home while he tries to figure this out.  He is unhappy and it has nothing to do with you, so you take care of you and your child and he'll come around.  

Answer 5

all this frustration is because he isnt working. you need to tell him if you are pregnant whether or not he wants it or not. what you guys need to do is try to support one another as much as you can maybe he needs some time to cope with his feelings being unemployed its hard for a man to feel like he cant do anything cause your working and he is at home thats alot on a mans shoulders to see the wife is the money maker.

Answer 6

Been there done that. While mine would work he came home three kids later and said he didn't want to be married. While I feel apart, I got a second job to raise our children. I got the children to school, feed them, and the sun came up. Eventually, you will be happy that he left. Good luck

Answer 7

sounds like you guys moved "spur of the moment"... he should have had something set up already... if you are able to make money and support you guys, then that can work.. he may be depressed because he is not making money, men are funny that way... they feel they have to be the primary financial source.. staying home with kids seems to depress "the parent" as well.. there are many moms that suffer from post partum as well as depression... he needs to man up and get a steady job.. if your mom is able to watch the kids, that would help a lot.. I've been down the self employment route, it really sucks.. especially if you move to a new city... have him get a steady job and work on the contacts for the self employment job on the side.. he has to realize he is responsible for a family.. you don't always get to do what you want to do.. that is life..

oh yea... he needs lots of s*x also..

Answer 8

If he refuses counseling you can go on your own.  Something has happened and I agree with you that he is depressed.  He needs help to get himself straight.  Perhaps you can talk to his family.  If they allow him to do this they are enabling him to shrug his responsibilities.  You are going to have to get tough for right now.  Your children need stability.  Hopefully you family and friends can help.  Also, speak to a lawyer about this.  You need to be fair and amicable but he has responsibilities.  Can't say for sure what happened but you will survive but it may be tough going for awhile.

Answer 9

I think it's very strange that you are THAT out of tune with each other.  You might be pregnant but had NO idea he didn't want more kids?  Why aren't you on birth control?  I don't get it.  It would seem as though the only time you wouldn't be on it is if you are TRYING to get pregnant so how did that slip?  And I'm sorry but nobody is blissfully happy one day & then decides they hate their life the next day.  You have totally missed a beat here.  Maybe he's unhappy because you have no communication in your marriage.  It's a bit odd that you say you've tried counseling & you've tried "writing him a note".  Interesting.  Have you actually talked to him?

Answer 10

I had a friend who was like that:  He REFUSED to work for anyone but himself.  He finally got himself out of his funk by landing himself in jail and then being forced into a work-furlow program.  He learned that there are WAY worse things in life than to be an unemployed entrepreneur...like having a rap sheet.

Maybe your husband needs to hit that sort of rock-bottom before he can pull himself up by his bootstraps and figure out what he wants to do with his life.

If he wants to move back home with mommy & daddy, well so be it.  But do NOT allow him to shirk his responsibility to his kid(s).

You may need to consider the fact that you're just going to have to work full-time to support your daughter (and maybe your other child) and yourself, and put school on the back burner for a while.

I wish you luck ... you're going to need it.

Answer 11

I am sorry for your situation, I know you must be worried sick.  But I am going to tell you something that probably won't sound very nice.  Your husband is a loser! Plain and simple, he is not supporting you financially or emotionally!  Cut your loses now and get his but out of your house and get on with you life.  Tell him to leave and run home to his parents house.  You sound like you may have some tough times ahead of you but you also sound like you are more than capable of dealing with whatever comes your way.  Make a clean break, you deserve better.  

Answer 12

I am sorry that you are going through this...

You cannot control someone and their feelings or their unwillingness to change.

Take care of YOU. Love YOU and set this selfish jerk free.

You are obviously strong. Tell him to go. If he really loves you and wants to be a strong, supportive family man, he will return.

Take care of YOU and those babies.

Good luck.