Husband returned home but is abusive. What is going on?????

Question

Tonight my husband showed his true colors over something sooooo foolish that it wasn't worth an argument.. He and I had tried to reconcile the marriage and he was supposed to move back in tomorrow. However he has been sleeping over for the past three days. Well, tonight he proved to me that he definitely has not changed his physically abusive ways.

I cooked dinner and was scheduled to be finish around 7:30-7:45. He left home an hour before that because he went to get a chage of clothing from where he lives for right now. He came back two and a half hours later with no clothes ( he said that he couldn't get in cuz the guy was gone and didn't give him a key). What should have taken no more than 30 minutes to do took two and a half hours. He went and hung out with friends while we were waiting on him to return home to eat dinner with us. He had left earlier too to hang out for about 2 hours (he came back with blood red eyes like he was getting high or something).

Needless to say, when he returned I was upset but not visibly at first.Then I confronted him about his lateness in a calm matter. I told him that if he was to return that we needed to learn to communicate and do things as a family.

What did I say that for??? He went off and said it was over, got his bag and tried to leave. I tried to stop him, things got physical and he begin his abuse. he kicked me in the stomach even though I might be pregnant. I went to church earlier and the prophet that came there told me that I was pregnant. He spoken on me being pregnant and said "your baby is going to be alright." My husband doesn't want any kids, so I think he was trying to kill the child.

What do I do in this situation. He told me that things were going to improve.

Answer 1

Well, first of all you can no longer believe him. Second, you report him to the police for kicking you and get a restraining order that keeps him away from you and your family. Third, you pray to God you aren't pregnant with that scumbag's baby!

Answer 2

First off, i am so sorry! You don't deserve that! Sit him down and tell him how it is. If he doesnt change then get away from him! And say away from him!

Answer 3

well you never try to stop anyone from leaving, bad idea; he began his abuse based on your physical abuse of him; the spin stops here.........what do you mean what do you do?????  you are messed up in the head and need counseling.......

Answer 4

He has not changed, and hasn't, therefore,

what are you waiting for to break up with him

for good.

Answer 5

Let him go. Don't think twice. Intermittent reinforcement is when you draw a line, and they cross it, and you keep drawing lines. They begin to learn that no doesnt mean no. They are free to treat you as they want. Why should he improve? He made a mistake. Volume turned up, he tried to leave, and you stopped him???? WHY??? You did everything right! Now, I predict he will twist the blame for his abuse onto you, becasue "you made him do it." You might even believe him.

Let him go. You deserve better. And if there are drugs involved, there truly is no hope. If there isnt, there may be a sliver. Dont spend yr life loving what you 'could have been if ONLY"....insert your hopes here. He needs to be gone, and find his own salvation.  

Answer 6

I'm not sure why your husband wouldn't want kids. You guys are marriage. I think you did right by addressing it calmly but - he kicked you in the stomach? That's crazy. In this situation I would leave. Apparently you are at risk of losing a life that you hold dear. Also he's getting high, and just disrespecting your house in general - That's no good. You should let him leave. Because more than likely he was doing many things he didnt have any business doing. You can only see the obvious - remember that. I think you should just let him leave- apparently he hasnt changed. Also Seek god about that matter - pray because seriously god works wonders on marriages - that can be saved.

Answer 7

There is only one solution to your dilemma, sadly. Your safety, security, and possibly your life depend upon you ending the relationship quickly and safely. Find the number for the nearest women's shelter if you cannot stay in your home and get to it.

You also need to contact local authorities and have him charged with assault so that a restraining order can be in place to provide a clear legal record of his behavior.

The majority of women (over 85%, statistically) experience further threats and abuse after announcing their intention to end a relationship, so you'll need to have your security set up before you inform him of your decision.

Protect yourself. Protect your child, and good luck.

Answer 8

Oh K, no one deserves to be treated this way. Your man is not going to change. Ever. And you do not deserve to be physically abused like that. You have to cut your ties now. He might even kill you eventually. He is obviously not ready to commit to a respectful, loving relationship and I'm quite sure he will never be. Save yourself the hurt. Good luck.

Answer 9

MOVE on before he KILLS YOU. Obviously you and your now husband are not on the same page, If you want children and he does not it is time to accept the fact that he will hurt you and the child. He seems to be far more concerned with his own agenda and life that being a family man which you admittedly have said he has no interest in.  You cannot force change , let him go . it sounds like you have a strong faith use it wisely protect you and your potential unborn child and get out while you still can and DO NOT allow him back into  your home or your heart.  

Answer 10

Since you are asking what do I do, then that might mean that you are still not for sure if you are not willing to let the physical abuse go. You are still willing to take a chance that he might, no, he will hit you again. You want him bad enough you are on here asking ....what do I do! Listen up girl. You should have gotton on here and said, folks, I refuse to be hit anymore. I refuse to be treated no better than a dog on the street. I refuse to think of myself as low as I do to keep a poor excuse of a man who hits on the one he loves more than anyone.

Honey, no one and I mean no one deserves to be hit. If you allow him to continue to hit you, then you are giving your future son or daughter permission to either hit or be hit. Please send him packing and don't look back. You can do this and while you are doing this, do not get counseling for him....but do get it for yourself so that you can be the person that you know you want to be in your heart. God Bless and Good Luck

Answer 11

Obviously hun, you let him go... A man that loves his wife would never EVER hit her...

Secondly, you dont look back... I dont know what else to tell you, it's the truth, you dont need him. He's just going to hurt you, find someone else that will actually respect you and dont keep going back to him...

Simple as that... Let him go...

Answer 12

I really hope your not serious with this question. You know you need to leave him. YOu need to kick his sorry but out call the police and file charges against him for domestic violence.  

Answer 13

Get rid of him for good for the sake of your child! Since He kick your stomach better go check a DOCTOR.

Answer 14

you know what to do.

Answer 15

You need to get yourself and your kids into a domestic crisis living environment... away from anywhere that your husband can contact you. You need to cut all ties to your husband and get yourself into counseling.  You have become addicted to the chaos that is part and parcel of living with an abusive marriage.  This man is not going to change.  This man doesn't believe he needs to change.  He doesn't think there's anything wrong with him.  Everything is your fault or his bosses fault, or the kids fault or, and on and on.  You cannot fix him.

If you choose to stay with him, you endanger your life, the life of the child you are carrying within your womb, and your other children.  If you choose to stay you are also teaching your children that this is an acceptable way to live; ie. boys learn to beat on women and girls learn to take beatings from men.  Those are just some of the lessons that you are teaching your kids by staying.  They already have some issues that they are going to have to deal with to become healthy adults if you leave today but it will be better than if you make it worse by staying.  Contact your local YWCA they can help you get started.  They help with counseling and with protection from your bully. Make a list of things you need to take care of after you leave and get into your safe place 1. make an appointment to see a doctor since he kicked you in the stomach 2. get an order of protection against you husband 3. the people at the shelter will even help you by taking pictures of any bruises you have on your stomach for proof in getting your order of protection  4. shelters usually also assist in getting your kids ready for school  5.  shelters will help you find counselors for yourself and your kids if they don't have any available at the YWCA  

Please  Don't wait.  You deserve better and so do your kids.