Husband wants kids much later than I do!?

Question

he wants to have them on the "limit" time for us to have kids... it's so stupid I can't even begin to address it... I don't want to carry a baby when I'm 45!I told him that... he says that MAYBE when we're 30 we can have one, but he seemed a little disappointed when I told him I'd rather not have children at all if it meant having them in my forties.

He is always saying that he only want ONE kid... I come from a family where that never happens, and I don't want to have just one kid (two, at least).

How do I address these issues with him?

Answer 1

Those things should have been addressed before you got married.  If you are still in your 20's..why are you jumping ahead to 45??

Answer 2

Ive had a similar problem.im 25 and my partners 28.i  had a miscarriage last year (unplanned pregnancy)since then i have wanted a baby even more.But my partner wants to wait. he says hes not ready and also seems to think that as soon as we decide to try for a baby im gonna fall pregnant(as easy as that) i have explaned that its not that easy.So we have comprimised and says we can when he is 30. Although im gonna try again next year.

Find out weather he wants to wait cause he is scared or if there is things he wans to do 1st then address that.He owes it to you as much as owe ito him.Also explan the later you leave it the more the risk or downs and other baby defects.

good luck,i no how you feel and its gutting

Answer 3

Once you hit 35 the basic health risks in pregnancy goes up quite a bit for the mother and the child both. So you are right to avoid it at 45.

What is your age by the way....

These concerns would be good to go over with a OBGYN and maybe could offer to help you find some counseling on the subject matter to help you guys sort through this choice.

Sometimes men are afraid to loose their freedom to sleep in and watch tv or go out...and once they are a dad they would not trade it for the world....

Take a deep breath and try not to stress. Things will fall into place at the right time....I hope one of these things does help.

GL

Answer 4

I agree with some of the responses.  Family is one of those issues that must be addressed early in a relationship.  But since you didn't have the conversation it's time to get real and honest now. Ask your husband if his intentions really are to have children.  It's possible that he's hoping to delay it until there is no longer the biological possibility to have one.

If he gives us an honest answer that he does not want children you may want to end the marriage if children are so necessary to you.

On the other hand, you may want to consider why children are so important to you.  Why does it matter that in your family this "never happens."  There is nothing wrong with no wanting children.

If he does want children, you need to make a plan with him.  As you probably know, pregnancy in your thirties is more difficult and complicated than in twenties.  If he agrees, you may decide to have one child and keep your optios open for another.

Answer 5

I think it is a little too late to be having this conversation...this is something that should have been discussed before you two decided to get married.

Answer 6

Well you can start of by saying that your gonna be dried up by the time your 45! lol no, dont say that, but try saying,

This means alot to me and i would like to compromise with you. I know that its seems early for you to have kids but im ready to have a family.  ( pushing two kids on him before hes started may overwhelm a guy...try going for one lets say when your 28? 29? if hes saying that maybe he will try at 30 hes obviously at least trying to compromise with you witch is a good sign. just try to show him that you see his point of view. if you're both pushing at each other for your own opinion it will take you no where.

I don't think its ever too late by the way! hes obviously just scared, try to make him feel more comfortable with the idea, discuss with him what his concerns are about not wanting a baby right away. if he makes a good point try to level with him. don't blow off everything he says because it means no baby, listen and learn! take when you learn and wiggle your way around it! ( lets say he doesn't want to because of financial issues, find a way it would work financially, ect. good luck! hope this helps!

Answer 7

More and more ladies are becoming mothers at 35-45 than ever before. The risk of defects are low as for a 20 something, medical procedures are better today and are growing more each year. I have seen clients well into their late 30's and 40's and both mother and child are very healthy.