Husband wants to move for his job, but I don't want to move...?

Question

If he stays here he'll probably take a huge pay cut. But if we move, well that's not good for me. I think I'm pregnant and I don't want to move away from the family. I have 2 years left of school, which our families can watch the baby while I finish my classes. And I don't believe in letting strangers at a nursery watch my child, I want my child to be around family as much as possible. I didn't really have that luxury growing up because we were ALWAYS moving and I wanted better for my kids. I didn't want family visits to be just because it's christmas or something you know. That's how I lived growing up. Anywho, he doesn't understand where I'm coming from and he thinks I'm putting his precious "career" second in our lives. He's accusing me of not caring about his work and what makes him happy, but that's not true. What can I do to get him to understand? Am I wrong here? I need advice desprately!

Oh and the pregnancy was planned, if I am even pregnant yet. We've been married 6 years together 8. I'm 28 and want a baby before I'm to old, so I did plan on finishing school while having a baby, that wasn't ever an issue.

Answer 1

How about he gets a studio apartment there and comes and sees you on a regular basis so you can stay if you think you can handle that kinda like being a army wife.

Answer 2

No one can make this decision for you.  This is part of being married, compromising and doing what is best for you, your husband...and baby.  This means considering what HE wants too....not just what you want or living up to your (not his) expectations.

Answer 3

Obviously you don't love your husband enough to want to be with him.  I don't understand why you didn't go to school before getting pregnant. What have you been doing for the last 10 years?  Move and take care of the child yourself.  

In my opinion you are wrong.  

Answer 4

I dunno, sounds like your being selfish here.. It seems like there are far too many ME's and I's in there.

It sounds like you need to cut the apron strings, you don't have to live that close to the family to be a family.

As far as it goes, you can transfer colleges and guess what there are perfectly good day cares out there so get over it.

Quite frankly i doubt your going to be happy staying when your living paycheck to paycheck and having to pick and choose which bills you pay because he can no longer afford them due to his pay cut.

Plus have you ever considered that he is going to resent you, if you choose to stay.  Depending on your decision, I'd suggest that you hold off on pregnancy, cause this is one of those decisions that could cause him to leave, and you don't want to be a single mother.

Answer 5

Well you and your husband has to sit down and come up with something that will work for the both of you.  But you know that as his wife you have to go where he go.  If he is trying to make things better for the family then you may just have to cut the apron string and go where he need to be.  If you try you can make it a good thing instead of bad. Your family can visit and you can visit them if you need to set home and keep the baby until you are comfortable with other keeping him,

Answer 6

This probably is something that should have been discussed before getting married, specifically how far you are willing to move for jobs.

What are your future plans after graduating?  Will you resume your role as an equal financial provider or will you stay home and raise your child?  This is important in your decision, because if it is the latter than you probably have to move where your husband can provide best for the family financially.

And how far away is the move?  My wife and I have always said we would stay within a 5-6 hour drive from home and we have done that.  I agree family is important and we would never move outside of the Midwest.  But that doesn't mean you can't move a few hours.

Don't underestimate nurserys and other day care providers.  Grandparents are older and don't often have the energy to take care of kids.  You also have to consider allowing grandparents to have that much say in your child's upbringing because it is easier for them to undermine and nag you than a daycare.

I am rambling, but the bottom line is this:  after you graduate who will have the career that will be the most financially lucrative?  If you, stay.  If him, be prepared to move a reasonable distance away.

Good luck

Is your husband's rational logical

Answer 7

His precious career VS your precious school . If you stay you guys fight about money if you go you guy fight about your school . Hmm Good jobs are hard to come by today and there are allot of good schools through out the country but it takes money to go to them . The choice is yours

Answer 8

First, I agree with your husband.  Sorry.

Second, I think you should move with your husband.  You can always transfer schools and you have to trust that your husband will take care of you during your pregnancy and after.  This can be your last move and your children can have stability.  Your husband is the head of the household and you have to let go and trust that he will do his best to take care of his family.  Give him his due and allow him to take care of the family.  

I'm almost positive you can't say he doesn't love you and what a blessing that is.  Be grateful you have a husband that is willing to have a career to take care of his family.  There are husbands out there that could care less.

Answer 9

If you have some time to think this through, really mull it over and weigh the pros and cons of moving. I was in a similar situation last year and I fought the move at first, but then eased into it when I visited and researched the area we would move to and got excited about the new city.  We didn't land up having to make the move, and in the end, I was a little disappointed.