Husband wants to stay together to turn off lights?

Question

Over the years I have asked my husband for love and romance he won't give me that at an intimate level because he is angry with me. He says that my daughter's messy room is the problem and my not dealing with it is the reason for his anger. In fact, I do constantly encourage her to keep it neat and she is doing a pretty good job for a 15 year old. I talked to his x-wife and she said that he told her that in order to fix their relationship she could try by making his lunch for him everyday. She did for a year, but it didn't matter. I told him I want to talk about the details of a separation, but he said that he wants to stay together to reduce our carbon footprint. I know he has been to a lawyer for a consultation. He is a "what's me is mine" person, however, and I believe he does not want to have to split the marital assets that he is hiding from me. He says they are buried in the backyard. I would stay with him if there was intimacy between us, but I have little hope for that. I am going to let him know that. We are married 7 years and have children together. How much more time should I give this?

Answer 1

Why is he angry with YOU for the kid's messy room?  Why isn't he angry with the kid for not cleaning the room?  He withholds love and affection from you because "he's angry" for a b.s. reason?  Read what you've written.  Does this make sense to you?

  

What does making someone's lunch for a year have to do with fixing a relationship?  He has an EX wife for a reason, and in my opinion, it sounds like he is about to have TWO ex wives!

He sounds arrogant, controlling and cold.  He is withholding intimacy from you as punishment for things that are unrelated to your relationship.  What would you tell a good friend who was in the same situation?  You would tell her to get the heck out, wouldn't you?  Maybe you should listen to your own advice.  

Do you have an accounting of the marital assets so he can't hide anything?  I would see a lawyer right away and get some information on how you can protect your rights.

I wouldn't fight with him or argue with him.  I would give him the same treatment he's giving you.  Be as cold and detached as possible.  Are you going to spend the rest of your life in a loveless marriage?  "Reducing your carbon footprint" is the reason he wants to stay together?  Honey, your marriage is already over in every way except legally.

I would do everything I could to make that happen too.  

Answer 2

If he's been to a attorney> Look out as it cheaper to keep her> Than split> The foot print would be as his back side> Just my humble thought>

Answer 3

Wow....he sounds like a manipulating jerk who will use every little trick up his sleeve to gain control.

Preparing lunches and keeping a kids room clean is a sorry excuse to be a jerk..

I could not live this way....Not even for one day.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Keep the assets....loose the ___(ets).

Answer 5

Honey, if the only reason he wants to stay together is to reduce your carbon footprint then the marriage is over.

Answer 6

Dump his selfish butt.  You deserve better

Answer 7

He just doesn't want to have to pay child support. Everything he says is a "cop out". I say start filing your papers now.  

Answer 8

in my opinion, you already wasted too much time typing up this question to be posted here!  what the heck are you waiting for?  trumpets to sound??   get outta there already!

Answer 9

he sounds like a douchebag

Answer 10

He sounds like a crackpot....go see your own lawyer and get the ball rolling.

Answer 11

sounds like he isnt a keeper.  throw him back

Answer 12

He sounds like a nut job - but if you love him - you should try to work it out.  Carbon Footprint?

Answer 13

he sounds like at the least a control freak, and at the most he sounds like a wack job!  what 15 year old do you know that has a spotless room?  i would insist that he go to counseling with you.  if he does not, wait a month and ask again...except this time leave some leaflets for divorce attorneys around.  this will either get him to start changing his ways, or he won't.  at least the cards will be out on the table though.

Answer 14

i have no idea

Answer 15

He truely has unresolved issues and I am betting if you looked back in his past it would start with his parents in the first 10 yrs of his life. Go back and ask him what his parents house looked like. He may have had parents that were neat freaks or he may have had parents that were very messy and he just could not handle that. Does he show intimacy in small ways? Most men want to please a women sexually so if he is not even wanting to do that there may be a bigger problems. Does he have other issues with your 15 yr old?