Husband with no s*x drive?

Question

Ok, so this is my second marriage. i'm 23 and he is 24. my first marriage was to an abusive s*x addict and now, i have the most amazing husband, but we never have s*x.... when dating and first married it was non-stop. now, we've been married a year and a half and we have s*x only a few times a month and only if i initiate it.

he states that he gets stressed out because when i bring it up i'm upset. yet even though last week i went 7 days without saying anything, he never touched me. he is affectionate in other ways. like he kisses me every single morning to wake me up before he goes to work (my day starts later then his at work). we were trying to have a baby and have stopped trying this month after months of fertility treatments failing. The result is me feeling very heart broken by learning of the fact that we will never concieve. i love him so much though that it doesn't matter to me that we can't have our own babies and i can't wait to adopt, but ever since we started trying we only have s*x during ovulation and now that we've stopped trying, we just don't have it at all. its been over 2 weeks.... what do i do? is this normal? does it mean he doesn't want to be with me?

Answer 1

Hi there, coincidentally Im 23 as well and likewise my husband was pretty active towards me during dating and when just married (We are married for 3 years now). Starting from about 1 year ago, he is becoming less active and most of the time I had to initiate it. I believe men reacts quite differently towards stress compared to women. When they are stressful with work, etc, they can become like this. The reason why your husband is acting that way probably because of the failures resulting from not being able to conceive a child. Try talking to him about and let him understand that everything is ok. Who knows, if you guys relax, the possibilities of conceiving is higher. Good luck~

Answer 2

I think you may need to rethink this situation. I can totally see why you would feel that way, but from an outsiders point of view I really don't think it's because "he doesn't want to be with you". Honestly, he may be feeling as depressed as you about not being able to conceive, or he may be worried about trying to initiate s*x now, because you said the only time you had s*x before was when you were ovulating. It's almost like you have to retrain him to know that s*x is for pleasure now, not for trying to conceive (obviously before it was both) But seriously he sounds like a really amazing guy. Don't let s*x come between your relationship. Just tell him you think it's really s**y when he initiates s*x, he may start doing it more. Also, one more thought, he may be afraid of rejection. Some guys just don't even try if they think there is the slightest chance they may be turned down. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Maybe its because you guys are so young and s*x became work instead of fun. Also I'm 15 weeks right now and my husband has bragged about getting me pregnant. Maybe that hurts his self esteem a little bit about not being able to do that. You need to not put so much pressure on him about s*x. Its supposed to be fun. Maybe you just need to spice it up a bit too. Guys get bored. If you wear sweats alot....that's not something he dreams about coming home to. Try a new hairstyle. Also try being a little more independent. Like when he is at home and wants to play video games. Hit the gym. Then he will be wanting your time. Seriously I would be really surprised if none of that worked.  

Answer 4

2 weeks you and you think he has no s*x drive..hmm..maybe you are the s*x addict

Answer 5

If you are both "trying" to have a baby he may well be feeling pressured ( as a lot of guys are in a similar situation)

It does mean that he wants to be with you it just means that you obviously have a higher need for s*x than he does. My suggestion would be to get yourself a vibrator and get into some "self service"

As to concieving a baby just relax a lot more and don't worry too much about it. You are still very young and have plenty of time on your bilogical clock which will start to run out when you hit the age of 36 and after that your chance start to get a bit lower for each year passing.

Until then you have about 10 great years of your life to enjoy each others company and hopefully ....s*x.

Answer 6

you are so young yet if you both really love each other just wait and hang in there you have a lot of years to go marriage is a commitment not just a trial period so be patient and have the faith.

Answer 7

from your first marriage you are not out yet. come out of that.he was regular and there were many occasions when you were not prepared, he did with you just b'cos he had a hot drive towrds s*x. ok, now, you are still in that cloud. this gentle man is too good except s*x.you have to adjust with him and try seeing a s*x therapist. things will be improving keep cool and come out of that cloud as early as possible.

Answer 8

watch out for that closet to be opened sister

Answer 9

I don't think that he doesn't want to be with you.  Men react to stress different than women.  He may not be telling you how stressful or upsetting it is to him that you all are not able to conceive.  By kissing you he's letting you know that he is into you but right now he has some things that he's dealing with.  Maybe you should try a get away and only talk about positive things and and maybe some of his goals.  Sometimes, as women we are so concerned with what we're dealing with we forget our mate is dealing with things too.  Hope this helps!

Answer 10

u can hire play boys like me to satisfy ur need

Answer 11

Sorry dear for what ur going through it must be hard after being with a person who was a s*x  addict anyway something must be bothering his head maybe the issue of nothaving hiss own baby try en talk to him en discuss it may be on a dinner date,Dialogue is the only answer if cant work try mmh counseling ormake him do it avery now en then even if he doesent want