Before I got married, I had good self-esteem. My husband and i met in the weightroom. Weve been married for 2 years and ive gained 15 pounds since. I practically look the same. He keeps saying rude comments. A perfect example would be, I told him that I wanted to feel like the most beautiful woman in his eyes. His response was, why would I say that if that is a lie. Alot of guys find me attarctive, I think that i look good. i workout because i want to but now it feels like Im practically obligated to. Which actually makes me not want to work out because I really hate the idea of loosing weight for him. i dont mean it in a bad way. i want to look good for him, but I don't think that the way he comments my body is right. Men that I have been with before thought I was beautiful. I discussed this issue so many times with him it makes my head hurt.
He was the first guy that I met that liked p**n (or that I knew about). I felt like I was taken to a different world that I didnt like. I was anti-everything. Ive become looser with alot of things now. I don't mind magazines. h**l, i look at them. I still have issues with movies. I feel like I have jelousy issues with women because of the way he's made me feel. Back then i could have cared less. He told me I was the biggest girl he had ever dated. Again, Im not big. Im fine everywhere, I have tight arms legs, everything except love handles. Who doesnt? Ive never felt so self conscious about my body. When I asked him why he mentioned I was the biggest girl he said he meant height and weight.
We're both short. He's 5'5 im 5'4. He always dated petite fragile girls. I have a body of a woman, a good one. Big b***s, big waist. yeah, I cant drop down to 120. Im tired of feeling like c**p. I feel confident around people, around him I look for my flaws. He apologizes after he sees Im practically crying. As soon as soon as an argument gets heated, he'll tell me everything he's been holding back. "You looked better when i met u" "all hispanic girls blow up as soon as they get married"....He said that he would never leave me if I gained alot of weight, but he would have s*x w/me (he said it as a joke but I nknow he means it).
Our relationship is good but this has me really angry and Im tired of "can we talk bc u made me feel like ****" he apologizes and does it again later. I cant change the way he thinks but I wish he would understand the way I feel.
I know I wrote alot but I would really appreciate advice from those who understand or have been though what ive been though. thank u.
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