Question:

Husbands only please?

by Guest60802  |  earlier

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Before I got married, I had good self-esteem. My husband and i met in the weightroom. Weve been married for 2 years and ive gained 15 pounds since. I practically look the same. He keeps saying rude comments. A perfect example would be, I told him that I wanted to feel like the most beautiful woman in his eyes. His response was, why would I say that if that is a lie. Alot of guys find me attarctive, I think that i look good. i workout because i want to but now it feels like Im practically obligated to. Which actually makes me not want to work out because I really hate the idea of loosing weight for him. i dont mean it in a bad way. i want to look good for him, but I don't think that the way he comments my body is right. Men that I have been with before thought I was beautiful. I discussed this issue so many times with him it makes my head hurt.

He was the first guy that I met that liked p**n (or that I knew about). I felt like I was taken to a different world that I didnt like. I was anti-everything. Ive become looser with alot of things now. I don't mind magazines. h**l, i look at them. I still have issues with movies. I feel like I have jelousy issues with women because of the way he's made me feel. Back then i could have cared less. He told me I was the biggest girl he had ever dated. Again, Im not big. Im fine everywhere, I have tight arms legs, everything except love handles. Who doesnt? Ive never felt so self conscious about my body. When I asked him why he mentioned I was the biggest girl he said he meant height and weight.

We're both short. He's 5'5 im 5'4. He always dated petite fragile girls. I have a body of a woman, a good one. Big b***s, big waist. yeah, I cant drop down to 120. Im tired of feeling like c**p. I feel confident around people, around him I look for my flaws. He apologizes after he sees Im practically crying. As soon as soon as an argument gets heated, he'll tell me everything he's been holding back. "You looked better when i met u" "all hispanic girls blow up as soon as they get married"....He said that he would never leave me if I gained alot of weight, but he would have s*x w/me (he said it as a joke but I nknow he means it).

Our relationship is good but this has me really angry and Im tired of "can we talk bc u made me feel like ****" he apologizes and does it again later. I cant change the way he thinks but I wish he would understand the way I feel.

I know I wrote alot but I would really appreciate advice from those who understand or have been though what ive been though. thank u.

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9 ANSWERS


  1. You are married to an insensitive a*****e...but you already know that....God forbid if you should ever get pregnant!


  2. I think this is an example of emotional and verbal spousal abuse.

    He should make you feel like you are a queen. Sure, not everything is going to be a bed of roses, but to constantly barrage your conscience with c**p like that it horrible.

    I would venture to say he is shallow and it is obvious that he is insensitive. I would wonder how much he cares about you.

    My advice: Couseling or Leave him..... If it were me, I would leave and guard my self esteem with every ounce of my being.

    Bless your heart!

  3. Okay - I read that he is 5'5 and the light turned on...

    My son's father is 5'5 (I am 5'7) and he would pull this nonsense on me...Made me feel so ugly and I ALLOWED it to hurt my self esteem.

    It's call Napoleon complex...

    Once I discovered that he had issues, I left and never looked back.

    No one will ever devalue my self worth. You deserve better than a moron who puts you down to feel better about himself.

    Good luck


  4. he is inmature, you got married without knowing him. you only appreciate things after their gone he will miss you. the grass is greener on the other side until he gets there. all guys love p**n. you sound like a babe dump the looser and next time take more time to get to know someone.

  5. he is a loser with "L" if he can't see for who u r...............its not always abt how u look right,its the way u feel abt each other emotionally...

    God forbid if u have any children...........if not just leave him.......coz u r a woman with self esteem don't let that down coz of ur husband...

    Let him know by hard way.....just leave him...............it can do wonders to ur life...........u deserve better..............


  6. He doesn't sound happy with your weight it's normal

  7. He needs to grow up. I'm sure he is not perfect either. Too bad he does not sse the beautiful woman you are.  He's probably seeing too much publicity about how "hot" thinner girls are (the p**n may be part of the reason). He needs to see the beauty in women, not girls.

    You may try to direct his p**n interest towards more mature women. IF successful, he will again see you as the voluptuous woman you are and treasure your beauty.  

  8. i know you said husbands only but... what happens when you get pregnant? If he married you he should love you for the person you are, not what you do or don't look like!

  9. He does understand the way you feel. And he plays it to his advantage as well. This, my dear, is not only verbal abuse but a method of control. If he can demean you and grind you down to the point that you're questioning your own looks and body, then it assures him you won't stray.

    Think about it. Do you think other men find you attractive? Or do you think you need to improve your looks because you're unattractive to all men?

    He's exerting power over you. The more he makes you doubt yourself and your looks, the more confident he becomes in his ability to grind you under his heel.

    So either he needs to see someone to cease this nonsense and degradation or the next time you go to the gym you need to drop a 10 pound free weight on his testicles. Just to get his attention mind you.

    In the meantime at 5'4" and the way you describe yourself...well.....how to you feel about leather and lace?
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