I’m engaged, but arguing with my future MIL about what kind of wedding to have?

Question

I want to just have a bare minimum wedding at City Hall. My fiance and I don’t have any friends, and we’re hoping to be able to put on down payment on a house soon. Besides, a big wedding has never been important to me and he doesn’t care.

My future mother-in-law, however, wants us to have a big church wedding (and has even gone so far as to offer to pay for it, even though she and my fiance’s father don’t have that kind of money). She’s worried all of her shallow friends will think that she’s poor and that I’m pregnant (I’m not). My fiance has told her that we’re having a small wedding, but she never wastes an opportunity to harass us about it. How do we get her to let it go once and for all? We’re not planning on having a honeymoon or reception, we just want to get married

Answer 1

Remind your MIL elect as to whose day it is....

It is yours...and she can rant and rave and b and ma all she wants...

I would almost hope you and your hubby to be would jsut goo and elope...and then come back and show the MIL the pics...

Answer 2

do what you want. as long as you don't ask her to pay for the one you want do it! I am having this problem with my own family right now.  My grandmother has told me she won't be coming because it is not in a church (its in a beautiful garden area) and my aunt just asked me to change the date (already set, deposits made) to accomodate her.  My co-maid of honour just said she refuses to get in the horse carriages I booked and that I need limo's and she won't step foot in one of the carriages.

NONE of them are paying ANYTHING so I told them all to just stop putting their opinion in unless they want to pay for it.  If they continue they will not be recieving invites.  It gets out of hand if you don't put your foot down.  Honestly tell her if she can't handle it then she won't be a part of it (or have your fiance tell her, that might be a bit better).  She'll either change her tune and show up or not show, in that case I doubt you'd want her there ruining it for you anyways

Good luck and congrats!!!!

Answer 3

Just go and do it. My parents showed up to their engagement party married. Their families were upset at first, but realized later that it was better because of family drama, etc. Now they've been married almost 25 years!  You and your fiance are only obligated to each other. Do what will make YOU happy. Hopefully your fmil can understand your point of view and in 9 months, when you don't have a baby, and are buying a house, she can stop worrying about what her friends think.  Marriage is between you and your future husband. While it would be nice for his mother to be happy, it's more important for the two of you to be. Good luck

Answer 4

Make your plans the way you want to.  His mother will attend and you shouldn't worry about how she reacts to what she thinks her friends will be gossiping about.  Of course, if she'd like to throw a big party for all her friends after you're married, let her!

Answer 5

Lay it nicely that it is YOUR wedding not hers... she has to get the point

Answer 6

OK.  Ask her, Who is getting married?

Who gets to choose how she gets married?

The MIL already got to have her wedding.  Now it's your turn.

Answer 7

explain to her that a future with her son is more important than a huge wedding. let her know that you would rather have a house for the future family you are planning to have ...someday. why not have the wedding at city hall and then maybe a small get together at her house where she can show you off to her simple minded friends. look at it this way it is a nice compromise and you could get some wedding presents out of the deal. you really dont want to start off your new MIL relationship on the wrong foot.

Answer 8

Tell her to stuff it and have the wedding you and your fiance want.  You both need to develop a backbone and know when to tell an inlaw or parent to shut the heck up.

Answer 9

just tell her to shove it. it your wedding do what ever you want.

Answer 10

It's your day and she will have to respect that.  Do not give in to her.  If you do it will only be the start.  Like you say you don't really have any friends so do you want to spend your wedding day with a load of her old cronies.  Enjoy it whatever you do.

Answer 11

Why not get married at the justice of the peace and have a barbeque and wedding cake afterwards as a celebration.  That way noone has to come up with an extreme amount of money. It would be a relaxed party, that wouldn't require a great deal of planning.

Answer 12

My honest opinion--don't talk about it anymore.  Go ahead and you and your fiance should plan the wedding that you want and not talk to anyone about it and just invite them.

Yes--it's an extreme thing to do, but it sounds as if she will not listen to you otherwise and is not concerned with what you both want to do.

Answer 13

I agree with the advice that she should be told that she's out of line, however

a) do try to give her something to make up for not getting the wedding she wants

b) your fiance tells her, not you

c) accept that she will continue to be upset.

Answer 14

First of all, don't argue - be polite and respectful.

You and your fiance calmly explain (again) that this is the wedding you are choosing to have, and that's it. You two pay for a lovely dinner for everyone you are inviting - and maybe ask her advice on the meal - still keep her involved.

Answer 15

Tell her its not her wedding and that you both want what you guys want, it you two who are getting married, NOT HER.

Just be honest.  If she feels honest enough to harrass you about it, feel honest enough to say you don't need a fancy church to show everyone that you two love each other.

:-)

Best of Luck and May your Marriage be happy and full of laughter.