I'M SO FRUSTRATED AND TIRED?

Question

I HAVE TWO BABY BOYS AND A PREGNANT WIFE I WORK ALL DAY SO THEY CAN HAVE FOOD, SHELTER AND THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE LIKE SATELITE TV, INTERNET, ETC. BUT WHEN I COME HOME I JUST SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS JUST CHILL GRAB A BEER AND WATCH FOOTBALL! MY WIFE COMPLAINS ALL THE TIME AT ME AND I JUST WANT TO HAVE SOME TIME TO RELAX THE KIDS ARE ALWAYS CRYING TO HER AND SHE TAKES HER FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON ME AND THEN I GET PISSED OFF AND TAKE THEM OUT ON EVERYBODY AND THEN EVERYONES PISSED OFF AND THEN IM SPENDING MY ONLY TIME OFF TRYING TO MAKE-UP WITH MY WIFE I JUST HAVE NO ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING I NEED A WAY OUT OF ALL THIS MY THIRD CHILD IS COMING SOON AND I FEEL IT ISN'T GONNA GET ANY BETTER I NEED SOME GOOD ADVICE TO HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS .I LOVE MY FAMILY VERY MUCH BUT I'M JUST READY TO BREAK

HELP ME PLEASE!

Answer 1

Reading your post brings back a lot of memories:) I was a stay at home mom for years with our four kids. Right before a new baby comes is a really hard time for both of you! It is a stressful event, but remember that it is temporary. It was hard as h**l somedays; I was so jealous that my husband knew people besides other parents or kids and I was constantly in the house. I know I completely drove my husband crazy! But it will pass--it really, really will. When you walk in the door, if you just wife a kiss and say I love you, she is gonna relax enough to respect you need to have a beer and space out for a while. Also, you won't miss the money you would spend on a babysitter once in a while; you can get out together or let your wife have an afternoon or day off once per week. This is a hard time in life, but just remember, it will pass so quickly. Your wife is gonna look back on it and think "those were the days"! Everything is transitory; no emotional state or feelings are permanent.

Answer 2

Please please take my advice, your marrige will break if you dont, go to counseling no matter how much it cost (yeah just dont go overboard) cause it seams like your marrige is in hot water. Or what would help is to hire one of those teenage babysitters and go out to a fancy diner and takl!

Answer 3

Try to find another way to chill, in order to be able to ask changes from her, give the first step, try to put in her shoes too like changing roles, that will give you a hint of why she is taking out her frustrations too.

Remember that a daily exchange of "frustrations" is just the result of a lack of communication, so, in order for both of you stopping that destructive attitude you both need to:

First, to accept that there´s a problem.

Second, each other has to release and modify the "normal habits" as denial or ignoring her when you come back home, and for her to complain to you as you as you are at home, cause neither of this conduct will improve your marriage.

Third, she needs to find something healthy to do, because no good comes from staying all day long at home just "taking care the kids"

Fourth, as well both of you need to work, not only you, cause that creates the idea for you that "you give them the finer things..." as if food, shelter, satellite tv and internet should do the work of being a parent, sorry those are just "things" perhaps less of satellite tv, internet for more time as FAMILY should do a great challenge and huge change in your life.

Talk about it if is possible directly, but if things are though to do so, then propose to receive both of you family help from a professional.

Open your heart if you really want to have a nice life with your wife and family, give it a try, imagine how she feel with the daily attitude that she is receiving from you, and why she reacts to you like she does. You know I´ve heard that when a man really decides... then thats definitive.

think about it, and try harder to make it work, you have already a family worth it to keep trying for the best.

Good luck, be strong.

Answer 4

Sit down and talk to your wife. Tell her what is on your mind because I guarantee it is probably on hers also. Think about this, yes you are the bread winner  and I know your tired but she is taking care of the house and all the wifely duties with two baby boys hanging on her and one on the way. I bet she is pretty tired too! Talk to your wife. You guys need to get to know each other again.  Plan a date night once a week or every other week, just the two of you. You guys need to have control of your children don't let the children control you. You are the parents, raise them don't let them just grow up. Set a bed time and stick to it. That will give you and your wife some time alone. Hang in there be a family and not a statistic. God Bless!

Answer 5

This is a easy question to answer think simply from a man's point. First cut back on finre things and budget a babysitter into your life and the most important advice have your wife to GET A JOB. Still love her but most women love for a man to take care of them when they can be as seccussful as men. LOVE her but she has to GET A JOB.

PS:  most women will disagree.....of course.

Answer 6

Well, pitch in and help her with the kids. Spend some time with them instead of watching football.

Answer 7

I am sure my husband feels the same way.  But, being a stay at home mom, I also know how hard your wife's days can be.

My advice, plan a short get away for you and your wife without the kids (you arrange childcare) before the new baby comes.  If you arrange childcare, your wife will probably be much more willing and excited.  I would love to go away, but the thought of having to work out child care arrangements makes it too hard on me.

If she can't and won't go, get her mom or someone to come and stay with her and the kids for a few days, so that she isn't alone, and you get away for a few days of golf or whatever to clear your head.  After that though, you need to go home and be ready to pay attention to your wife and kids, because I am sure that is what they are needing the most.

Answer 8

This is simple, just tell your wife when you get home you ned one hour 60 minutes of peace to unwind. This means no telling you all the daily c**p, unless the house is burning down. Get your ber sit down and relax for 60 minutes.

Next ask your wife to try to plan something fun for the kids to do during this time so you and her can ten sit and talk. Tell her you love her and she is very important to you, and while you do want to see the kids you need to see her first (this dose not mean the kids can not greet you when you first get home) and then talk to your wife ask her how her day went. If you want to really win some points while she is talking start washing dishes. Just listen and let her talk, most of the time a mom just needs to talk in adult words after a day with kids. Nod say yes, or I see, but do not criticize or comment on what she should or could do unless she asks. After this talk go in with her and help her clean up after the kids activity and eat dinner. This way both of you get to unwind from the day. For washing dishes you have given the gift of time she may have time and energy for s*x or what ever. You get a time to drink your beer and your home becomes a better place for all.

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear about the situation. I totally understand the need to relax after a hard days work. I work around 60 hours a week. But i still am able to find the time to raise my boys. They will got to bed at 8:30 every night. so when i get home around 6 i will just spend the 2 1/2 hours with the family and then after that its me time.  

Answer 10

Wow you are very stressed out!

But first of all just talk to your wife and get some plans made out for both of you to get away for a short time alone without the other two children.

During the day at work call a friends or family who can take your two other children away from your wife so she can have a break too. Or she can make some calls too.At least for one night at gramma or aunts house?

And if your wife is not to far along do get out for dinner or order a pizza and a movie at home  alone and maybe you can enjoy some beer!  ;o)

We all need a break once in while from every day stress from home and work.

Answer 11

You should cut back on some things you provide for your family they really need you. Just tell your wife that if she wants a husband that is not stressed out all the time than she needs to give up some things. She and you don't understand that you are the finer things in life. Maybe she could work weekends to bring in some money and you can spend time with the kids in fun ways, you don't want them to know the TV, computer, etc. more than their own father. You and your wife should have a date night once a week, just the two of you and no stress. Get a family member or friend to babysit to save money.  

Answer 12

You have 24 answers so I hope you hear this. My man works 55-60 hours a week. We have 3 kids 6,8,and 6mths. When he gets off work at 4 or 5AM I always have a beer waiting for him, a doob rolled up and sportscenter on. Not to mention I have to get 3 sleeping babies up that late to go out and get him from work. Since he allows me to stay at home I feel that he definetly deserves these things when he gets off. We talk about his night as we watch sportcenter(he records it). He sleeps until 3 or 4PM the next day until he has to be at work. It doesnt bother me because he absolutely devotes every day off to us and yard work. Yeah he watches football or messes with his race car but what guy doesnt. Your girl needs to be WAY more appreciative of what you do. You need to talk to her about how you feel before your new baby comes or you will be hearing more of an earfull about not helping. Make sure you show her you appreciate her also. It Is easy to stay home Ill admit, but its a full time job with no days off. Appreciate eachother and be there for eachother, thats the way it used to be right?

Answer 13

sounds like you all need a vacation. and then when you get back to life, SLOW DOWN, STOP REPRODUCING ANY MORE CHILDREN and take things slower.. "finer things" are still just THINGS.. they dont MEAN anything... things are just that, THINGS !!!  please remember one thing though,, you GO to work, no matter how many hours it is,,, and SHE IS ALWAYS AT WORK, she does not get to leave. when they say a womans work is never done, they mean it... stay at home moms are at work 24/7 and they look for a little help when the husband/dad gets home. THey are not just her children, they are yours too, and your responsibility as well. I know this is what you hoped to hear but .. she is doing the bulk of the raising and is just looking for a little understanding and help when you come home, just like you are looking for a little understanding and peace when you get home. Please remember, she doesnt even get time to pee in privacy. she spends all day taking care of the kids, the house, the kids,  the dishes, the kids,  the laundry, the kids, the bills, the kids, the phone ringing, the kids, the groceries, the kids, ... she is JUST as tired as you are IF NOT MORE.... been there and done that...

you all need a break from the grind of the routine, need to spend some time with each other, date night, alone, without the kids, and remember WHY you got married, and remember you LOVE EACH OTHER, and remember why YOU BOTH decided to HAVE a family TOGETHER... its TOGETHER !!  

and yes..> HIRE A BABY SITTER ATLEAST TWICE A MONTH... and hire a sitter for your wife to be able to get a break now and then.

best of luck to you.

Answer 14

Well, you need to have a reality check. You, like many men think that your day ends when you come home from work. Time for you to chill and relax. Wrong. Your wife runs after two little ones, soon to be three little ones from dawn till way after dusk. She cleans, cooks, shops, pays the bills, entertains the kids. And all that with no pay, no holidays, no lunch break, actually no break at all. I suppose you expect a meal when you come home 'all tired and and exhausted'?

Guess what buddy boy, when you knocked your wife up thee times, you have sealed your fate. You want your wife to stop nagging, get up off your lazy behind and help out with the housework. When there is time for BOTH of you to chill (when the kids are asleep and the kitchen all cleaned up after dinner), then you can have your stinking beer.

Answer 15

It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure, and I hate to say it, but things aren't likely to improve a whole lot as long as your kids are little.  They demand so much of your time and attention but it won't be so bad when they get older.  There are probably things that you can do like others have suggested to manage your time better, but the fact is, it is just a busy time in your life and it is going to just be that way for a while.  You are obviously a good dad and husband.  Just keep doing your best.  

Answer 16

You need to understand that she has had a full day as well, taking care of two small children and another on the way making her more tired and possibly sick and unable to do somethings for the kids.  You have worked all day and are equally as tired and in need of some time to unwind and regroup.  She is tired and needs time to unwind and regroup.  Do you think the two of you could get someone to watch the two little ones so the both of you could relax a little and talk about your days and how you still love each other?  Maybe have Grandma or another family member come over and take the little ones for a short period to give you both a breather.    Take them for an afternoon or over night (depending on the boys ages) and give you both that needed time to relax.  Since you have three kids, you might see about her not getting pregnant so quickly again so you both get a breather.  It is not just you but her that needs a little time.  No one likes being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen all the time.  Being the mother of three and married to someone who was working long hours, I have a pretty good idea of what both of you are going through.

Answer 17

So after the first kid you thought "Hey, I need two more of these!  I love it when she gets fat and doesn't lose the weight"

A lot of this is your fault, and it will get worse.  On top of it all, I would guess that she has no education or career (alimony) and I know you don't want to pay child support for 3 kids.

If you have vacation or personal days at your job, you can schedule one without telling her and go off someplace quiet, a beach, lake, mistress, whatever.  It'd be a day without hearing her or the screaming kids.

Answer 18

I totally understand that you are tired when you come home.  You should be able to come home and unwind ...... for a little while, BUT definitely, tired or not, marriages and families need maintenance.  Give 30 minutes of time to playing with your boys, then 30 minutes with just the wife after they go to bed, and I mean, sitting next to her on the couch, arm around her, cozy up to her, etc.  This is, in a way, your second job.  Devote that time to your boys and your wife, and your life will change dramatically.  

Answer 19

One word: babysitter.

She needs some time off. You need some time off.  Nobody can be on duty 24/7 and not go crazy.  

Can you hire a local teenager to take the kids to the park and get them out of your hair for an hour after dinner?  Or hire a sitter to watch the kids while you two go out and enjoy a peaceful dinner somewhere else a couple times a week?  You could consider peaceful grownup time one of the finer things in life that you work hard to pay for.

Answer 20

join a church or something and make friends that can help you out with your kids when you get so stressed. and theres nothing wrong with hiring a babsitter and going to see a movie or something so you can have some downtime with your wife. it sounds like you need it. for now just relax, and get a good night's sleep. be grateful for the little things, and take things day by day.  congratulations on the new baby soon!

Answer 21

Oh, wow, you are in a typical situation.  The husband works hard, the wife works hard, too.  

The way to start solving this problem is to:

1.  Spend the first 30 minutes(just 30 minutes... it will go by fast, but you have to interact with the kids, no sitting on the couch watching movies) when you get home with the kids.  Take the kids outside to run, bike, play at the park.  Your wife is as tired as you... really.  Tell your wife you'll take the kids while she goes upstairs for a shower and some quiet time.  After she is refreshed, she will let you have your beer and time with the remote.  She needs to have dinner kind of ready, so after her quiet time, and your time for a beer, dinner is ready.  After dinner the kids need to get their bath (you should help with this.. it will go more quickly if the two of you do this)  Then the kids GO to BED. There is a good book that explains how to get the kids to bed on time every night so you two have time together.  Start being "strict" about this bed time. (7:30p.m.)  Yes, get into a routine, so you both have some quiet time.  Get the book and get the kids sleeping (they need it) by 7:30 every night.  Letting them stay up is draining of your energy and your wife's energy, too, and unnecessary.

Another thing to do is to set aside Thursday evening for cleaning... yes, get all the cleaning, vacuuming, clean sheets, dusting, then you BOTH have the weekend to take the kids to the park, to the beach. If  you start helping her in small ways and getting into a routine, you'll both be happier.  Get a sitter once a week so you two can have time alone together (better us birth control, too) because three kids are a lot of work.  email me at [e-mail] and I will give you the name of the book... no more whining kids, sleeping kids are happier, too.  

Answer 22

So what did you expect life was going to be like when you reproduced? Stop killing yourself for your "finer" things and get back to basics. Spend that time with your family.  

Answer 23

I do understand your frustration. I also understand that your wife probably feels a lot of frustration too. Taking care of 2 baby boys isn't easy....and she is pregnant on top of that. Maybe you can work out some deal with her that you really need "your" time when you come home from work, but you can watch the boys for her on the weekend so she can get out of the house. Maybe you already give her time for her....I don't know. If you do, then maybe she just needs to know that you do "get it" that she is working hard too. Brag on what a great person she is...tell her that you don't know how you could do what she does. I say that because she may feel really unappreciated if she thinks that you think you should be entitled to time to wind down, when she doesn't really get hers until they are in bed. It's long hour days in that situation...I remember. None of this is meant to criticize you...only to help. It's sometimes hard to see if you are too close to the situation. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 24

ur wife feels like ur football is more important..

which yes, i agree that its nice to relax after work..  maybe try getting a few days off, spend time witht he family

i dont know..

i hope it helps a bit =]

Answer 25

Grow up!  So you think your "work" should end with your 8 hours you work out of the house???  Try being your wife - ever notice her day ending after 8 hours????  Men like you don't deserve to have a wife and family.

Answer 26

get away for a couple days that wouldnt hurt! just tell your wife very nicely that you need time away by yourself so you dont get sick or have a heart attack...............

Answer 27

First stop yelling (turn off the caps).

Second you need to find some decompress time AND help out more with the family.  Sitting and watching football doesn't cut it for anyone no matter how hard you work.  You are right that this is going to get a lot worse when the third baby comes.

I suggest rather than getting into arguments when everyone is tired you find a time when you are both rested and fed (hire a sitter if you have to) and make a plan so you can both get some down time.  Also consider if any of the following is possible for you.

1) Can you leave early one night a week (like every wed) before you are exhausted and tell your wife that night you will be 100% responsible for the kids and she can get some down time.

2) Can you do the same for one of the days on the weekend (when you presumably don't work and are not exhausted from work).  Tell her every Sunday from 1 until after dinner you will be 100% responsible and she can do as she pleases.

3) Make a date nite and hire a sitter...this may have to start and then stop after the next one is born for awhile but always a good habit.

If she has these times to look forward to she may be willing to cut you some slack in the evenings ---- the sense that her work is never ending may be causing part of her issues (nothing to look forward to).

All that said parenting is hard work and you need to find a way to do more of it.  A job is a job and while you all depend on your income it is still just a job.  Your wife and kids are more important and you need to adjust the balance so that work is not getting 100% and home 0%.  

Answer 28

From a stay at home moms perspective...  Yes you bust your butt all day long to provide for your family.  That is awesome.  But know your wife works ALL day and night taking care of the kids, house and being pregnant is no cake walk.  If you are a smart man you will talk to your wife.  Tell her you need an hour to regroup when you get home.  Then let her have some quality time alone.  Watch the 2 kids for her while she take s a bath, reads, showers, whatever she needs.  Then play a family game, take a walk all together.  You want an easier life??  Try and give her some appreciation for how hard her "job" is too.  I have swam with sharks in the corporate world and I will tell you what... Raising a family by being a stay at home mom is the Hardest thing.  She never gets a break.  Try and walk in her shoes then you might appreciate getting away to your 9-5 job.  

Answer 29

You're not the only one in that boat, pal.  Everyone goes through that, especially when the kids are young.  So how about being happy with what you've got for a while and making no more babies.  Learn to work out a schedule and compromise.  Tell the wife you want ONE HOUR to yourself to just chill, and then make sure you spend time with her too.

She is alone and frustrated raising screaming demanding kids all day too.  That's HER job.  But it never seems to end for her does it?  You've made it a 24/7 for her by the sounds of it. She NEEDS you and you turn your back on her?  No, afraid not.    

Marriage is a partnership and your "job" doesn't end when you come home.  Life is your job too.  Learn this word: COMPROMISE.

Well this Peter fella below sounds like a real catch.  Been screwed over or are you just a royal jerk?