I'd like to adopt a child to be a parent. So, do I get this right...?

Question

I am not supposed to adopt, but instead, feed money to the adults instead so they can "keep" their own children? How does this help the children?

If I wanted to get married, should I just tell my boyfriend to find someone else so I can make both of them happy and not myself?

Now... I am not a parent, still have a desire and willing to parent and there are thousands of children in need of a set of parents, but oh well.

Answer 1

Hi Mia,

Adoption does not exist so that adults can obtain children.  It exists in order to help children.  That is the most important thing to understand about adoption!  

The best way to help children is to preserve their natural families whenever possible.  When that is not possible, then alternatives such as adoption may be considered.  

People who only want to adopt so that they can meet their own needs, are really not thinking of the children first.  Your title says you want to adopt "to be a parent."  Your details imply you want to help the children who are in need.

Anyone who really wants to help children instead of making themselves happy first can contact their state department to get started in becoming qualified to adopt from the foster care program.  There would not be any associated costs with that route after the tax credit is used.  And you are correct, there are over 100,000 children currently in need of homes.  Hope this helps clarify for you.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 2

Huh?

Well, adoption SHOULD be about finding a home for a child who needs one, and there are thousands of kids in foster care right now who's parents' rights have been terminated, do you have a problem with taking in one of those?

If not, then I don't see what your problem is.

Answer 3

Here's an idea.  Get married to someone who ALREADY has a wife and share him with her.  Don't ever mention that you wish you had him to yourself, pretend that this is all normal.  Now you know what it's like to be adopted!  

There are not 'thousands of children in need' unless you are talking about foster care, and I have never SEEN anyone here speak against foster care.

Answer 4

I hear your frustration and believe me I have lost it once or twice over people who don't seem to understand that some women despite all of the resources available to them still choose not to parent. Or some do not have the tools (addiction, abuse, etc.). Or some live in countries that limit the number of children a couple can have. Or a specific gender is more valuable than the other. And the list goes on.

Human beings the way we are, there will ALWAYS be a need for adoption.

I believe it's ludicrous for PAPs and APs to be held financially responsible to keep famililes together. Everyone should help where they can (regardless of whether or not they ever adopt), but it is not an obligation and you should not feel guilty.

Money does not solve the problem, as it then becomes how much money? And who do I give the money too? How do you find the parents?

Money is not at the core of good parenting.

I believe people should only adopt if they want to be parents. There are many other issues they need to be aware of and research that needs to done, but the desire to "parent" needs to be the crux behind the decision to adopt.

Adoption needs to exist to ensure that EVERY child has a safe, loving family of their very own.

Answer 5

Mia, you are right I do not get it. I do not understand any aspect of your question.  It makes no sense what so ever.

Answer 6

I WANT! iwantiwantiwantiwantiwantiwantiwant! memememememememememe! babybabybabybabybabybabybaby!

Geez, did you ever stop to think that maybe that baby you want just wants to snuggle up to his or her mother? You know? The one who gave it life, nurtured it's growth with her body, bonded with it and loved it long before it was born.

So yeah, give them your money cuz honey, that baby wants its mother, not an entitled wanter out for only her own best interests.

Answer 7

If babies were never supposed to be seperated from their mothers, umbilical cords wouldn't be meant to be cut.

  If it was God's plan that all children should have their birthmothers, none would ever have died in childbirth.

  Now that that's said...

  Just because a baby grew in you doesn't make you it's best choice, any more than getting a woman pregnant makes you a good father.

  And just like you can leave a child with a babysitter without the babysitter becoming 'Mommy', someone can carry your child until it is born without being 'Mommy' either.

Answer 8

Some people feel the way you describe.  Don't listen to them.

Very few people give up children strictly because of money.  There are a lot of agencies (at least in the US) to help people with financial needs of children.  If they really wanted to keep the child, they would find a way, financially.

I'm an adoptive mom.  My daughter's first mother gave her up because she was too young and not ready to be a mother.  Giving her money would not have changed that.

Answer 9

I can hear the frustration in your question. I also sometimes feel frustrated by some of the extreme view points against adoption, especially those opinions that adoption is cruel in every situation.

With that being said, there are many children in need of homes in foster care. Many of these children have come from abusive backgrounds and cannot be placed back with their families of origin. Parenting these kids is very rewarding, but also very difficult in many circumstances.

However, these kids are not a commodity there just so that people can adopt. These kids are there because they need to be as their families can not care for them in a safe and healthy way. It is very important to make this distinction. It would be wonderful if every mom could keep the children born to her and raise them without abuse or addiction, but obviously, in our society this is not what happens in every case.

You need to be careful how you word things here in Yahoo adoption questions. So many here pick apart everything an adoptive parent or potential adoptive parent says, in order to find anything that can be construed as negative (ie. not a good reason to adopt) as this is often a very emotional subject for many on here.

Of course people adopt children so that they may be a parent. A person who does not want to be a parent should certianly NOT adopt lol. Your above statement is going to taken out of the context in which you intended it.

Also, it should be all of our goals to keep kids in healthy and happy families of origin, especially when finances are the only factor in the reason for birth parents desision to relinquish their child.  However, I think finances are rarely the only reason people relinquish their parental rights.

Answer 10

Nobody has the "right" to adopt, or be a parent at all for that matter.

As another poster said, there are thousands of children in foster care, and sometimes even infants go straight to foster to adopt situations. You should have no problem adopting a child in need of a family.

Answer 11

Adopting another woman's child is not a solution for infertile women. This is a unethical misnomer amongst many in the adoption business and fortunately organizations like, UNICEF, are putting a stop to it. Although I do feel sorry for you that you think it would keep a husband to stick around and you won't get therapy to help you accept your personal dilemma and deal with it in a healthy way, you have no right using a child, period.     If you "truly" wanted to help a child you would help this child stay with their family. Children do not want to be taken away from their mothers despite how poor the family is.

Poverty is what delusional materialistic adults tell themselves, to ease their guilt.  Ethics and altruism is being distorted in adoption today.