I'd love to hear from people who have a larger gap between children?

Question

Hi everyone. My husband and I want four children. We have a daughter already who is 1 and we are trying for another baby. After the second baby we want to take 5-7 years off than have 2 more. I want to hear your experiences with having a larger gap. I think this is a great thing to do. What do you think? Thanks!

Answer 1

I have two daugthers and a son due next month. There is a 4 year age difference between our daughters. We love the age difference. The oldest can help more with the youngest. There will be a 2 year age difference between our second and third child. With a total of 6 years in between oldest and youngest. I don't like the idea of having two children then taking a large break then having more. I think it is better to keep the kids closer in age. Do you really want a ten year age difference between the oldest and youngest?

Answer 2

I am 11 years older than my sister (my mom only has the 2 of us)  and I love it!!!!!  We were far enough apart that we never fight and when she was little she was so adorable and I loved showing her off.  She is now in college and we still talk everyday....I love my baby sis.

Answer 3

I think it's a fine idea to have a larger gap between kids. I have two brothers - one with two years between me and him, and one with six years. It's great, because I have one sibling who I can be "friends" with and talk about "big kid" stuff with, and one who I always view as a little baby even though he's older now (and my parents having him made me more responsible, because I had a baby brother to look after).

Good luck, and I'm sure it'll work out great =]

Answer 4

My daughter will be 5 years older than my second, the reason I waited was because she was unexpected and we wanted to wait until we were financially able for another. I feel like she is a bit lonely and kind of wish we had this one sooner for that reason, but I think as a parent it will be a lot easier to manage. And my oldest will be in school soon so she will have more interaction with children her age.

Answer 5

i have one child that's 21 mos and one that's 11... how's that for a gap? and it's been great... my eldest has so much fun with the lil un and watching his progress... they are so very close and i know that my baby will look up to his big brother for help for the rest of his lfe... plus, it's easier for you, cuz you have 2 older and want 2 younger, while mine was an only child so long (not by choice)...  to answer, in MY experience? my boy is involved with my baby in ways he couldn't have appreciated when he was smaller...   AND HAHAHAHAHAHA KNIT! I'M STARTING TO THINK WE SHARE A BRAIN!!!!

Answer 6

I'm the Gap child (Hmm...sounds like a Pierz Anthony novel).  I have siblings 4 years older and 4 years younger. I am not very close to any of them.  The older ones stick together and the younger ones stick together EVEN AS ADULTS.  But, if I wasn't at my parents home daily (giving my mom a break), I'd never hear from any of them.  It was always ME calling or ME doing the favors.  So, I for one don't really favor a gap within a family. I feel it discourages closeness based on age.

On the other hand, my neighbors had a 16 year gap with a surprise baby.  Her older brothers and sisters totally adored her and she was well loved. Then they moved out.  So, for about 10 years, she was an only child with occasional visits from the siblings.  

My guy and I are planning to have a baby and there will be 13 years between this baby and his next older sibling.  Fortunately, though, he will have cousins his/her own age.

Answer 7

AM I pregnant or are you pregnant?  Duhhhh

Answer 8

There is a 6 year gap between our sons.  I figured I'd have one finished with college before we have to go into debt again for the second one.

Our older son was so excited to be a big brother and helped out with feeding and bath time.  Our younger son idolized his brother until they got older.  There was and is still some healthy rivalry between them but they get along well.  They are now both now young adults and still quite close.

The things i had to get used to all over again was loss of sleep with a new baby in the house, diapers, and all the extra paraphernalia you need to haul around with a baby..

Answer 9

i only got one kid by mother has 4 i am 22 my brother is 21 my other brother is 16 and my sister is 3. so we all have big gap between my family as u can see. I actually don't think that it is a bad idea i actually like ideas of having gaps like that in between children even know i will most like have mine within a year or two i want to have my kids early that is just they way i am but i really like the idea of having a big gap between kids. specially so can have one on one quality time with them.

Answer 10

My sister is 9 and I am 18, and all we have done since she was born is fight, we have nothing in common and you have a much older person having to put up with a baby, and while the first child is older, they aren't old enough to understand why the younger kid can't grasp the simplest stuff and the older kid has been the baby or the only child for a long enough time to think that the world revolves around them, then suddenly no matter how much the parents try not to ignore them, the older child does get left out and everyone makes a point in reiterating it.  I'm going to wait a lot less than 9 years between my children. I think between 4 and 5 is better.

Answer 11

I think that having a gap can be nice, but also I think that there is something to be said regarding the length. You dont want your kids to feel they have nothing incommon and I have 3 kids all really close in age... it was hard at 1st, but now that they are older it is really nice to have them enjoying the same activities.

I am also a "big" sister to my parents 4 other kids who are all younger then my own kids, we have a 20 year gap in age and i will say it is a little strange.... I often have a hard time with thinking of them as siblings when they are more like my kids friends or cousins.

hope that helps

Answer 12

My oldest and my middle child have a 13 to 14  year gap between them. The reason I say 13 to 14 is because my 15 year old will turn 16 before the 2 year old turns 3.  I love having that big of a gap between them, my oldest loves having babies in the family and she helps a ton! I i also think it is good for the little one because they will have someone besides me who will always be there for them.

Answer 13

I'm almost 39yrs yrs and have a 18.5yr daughter, a 6.5yr son, a 5.5yr daughter and a 4m son.  Both being close and far apart in age have their ups and downs and I don't find one better than the other, but I must say that in my home, my oldest is much closer and gets along better with my little ones than my little ones do with each other.

It was a lot easier to go from having one kid to two kids with my oldest being almost 12 years old. She was very helpful and loved to hold, feed and even change the baby. It was a little hard at times to constanly being bringing the baby, the stroller, the diaper bag etc to all my daughter's soccer and lacrosse games, plays, dances etc, to have to get up in the middle of it or leave and miss my daughter because the baby wasn't comfortable.

There is a 14 month gap between my youngest and my middle and that was a challege. Two babies in diapers, two babies on bottles, two babies not sleeping etc all while still running around with my oldest.

Now that they're a little older, things are easier. My two little ones are into the same TV shows, activities, friends etc so it's very easy to entertain them both at the same time when we are home or go somewhere, while if I take all 4  of my kids somewhere it's a little hard to find something that caters to my oldest, the middle two and is baby friendly at the same time. For example...finding a resort to go to on vacation. EXTREMELY HARD.

With my younger ones having a much older sister around, I noticed that theyre a little more social, mature and have better hand-eye coordination than other kids their age. My oldest does A LOT with them- teaching them to read, write, play sports, how to answer a phone, how to use the computer etc way before I thought they would be ready to do so. She is like having a third adult in the house.

There are some downfalls though as well. When my oldest will have friends over, the other two will be pains in the neck. Our home is still "child friendly" with lots of little kid toys and games and I feel that my daughter feels kind of pushed out in a way. It's hard being a teenager in a preschool/ infant aged home.

What did bother me a little is the idea of sending my oldest daughter off to college in Sept and bringing a 5.5m old baby along with us! My oldest and him seems like they are a life time apart. There's almost the same difference between the two of them are there are between myself and my daughter! Little scary.

You're going to read a lot of stories about kids being a year apart, 5yrs apart, 10+ yrs apart both hating each other and loving each other. In my own personal opinion, I both love and hate that big gap between my oldest and my middle and the little one between my middle and my youngest. It really depends on your life style. Are you a very young mom and want to wait until you're a little older to have more children? Will you mind having 2+ children who aren't going to be able to do things a lot of time on their own yet at the same time? Are you one of those people who go, "Ok, done with the diaper stage/preschool stage etc" and can't wait for them to grow up to enjoy them, or would you not mind having one child half way through elementary school while one has yet to start pre-school? Are there things you want to do without your children in the future (traveling, activites etc) or are your children your main future and goal?

Think about these questions and I'm sure you'll come up with how close or far apart you want them soon. I think 2.5-4yrs is perfect. Either way, it'll be a good choice. Best wishes

Answer 14

Personally, I love the idea. My sister and I were 5 years apart, and it was just her and I. In my own experience I have a 5 and 3 year old, and am pregnant now. My oldest daughter and this baby will 6 years apart. It's a nice experience for kids I think.

Also, growing up, my sister took pretty good care of me. We fought a lot less than other siblings. The age difference between her and I is nice now that we are adults as well.

Answer 15

there is 8 yrs of a gap between my two boys and to be honest they have nothing in common.where i live all the small kids have brothers and sisters but my 5 yr old has no one

Answer 16

I think it is a good idea. We have a 1 yr old and may try to have another in the near future. After that we have thought about having more babies, too, but the same as you, in about 5 years. I think it is a great idea.

A. Your two youngest will have playmates growing up.

B. They will both be old enough to help you take care of your 3rd and 4th child!

C. Then #3 and 4 will have playmates, too!

My sis and I were 10 years apart and that was a bit too much because she was basically out of the house before we got close at all. However, 5-7 yrs isnt quite as drastic.

Answer 17

I don't think its a good idea. It often cause the lack of a bond between older and younger siblings.

Answer 18

It will probably be great for you.  The older ones will also take care of the younger ones.  However, there's a 16 year gap between my mother and her sister and a 12 year gap between my father and his brother.  My aunt treats my mother like her child and my father treats his little brother like his father.  There's still the love there, but it's more of a guiding love than a brother/sister relationship.  My sister-in-law has 4 kids...the oldest is 8, the middle is 6, and the twins are 3.  The older two act like young parents to the twins.  If you have them closer together, they act more like friends (or rivals in the case of some kids).  It all depends on what you want.  I really loved having my sister close in age to me...but always thought it would be fun if my mom had a baby when I was older.