I'll be a single mom come end of August. I'm 25, and scared.?

Question

My family is supportive. It was a shock to them at first, but now they are all happy for me. The daddy took off when he found out I was pregnant. I have been visiting with my parents and younger sibs for the past month, and will be here through the birth of the baby and the first few months. I have a job lined up for when I can work again, and instead of daycare, my mom and 16/18 yo sisters have agreed to babysit. But to tell you the truth, i am scared shitless about becoming a mom. Especially a single mom. It's a girl, and that scares me even more because I know how much trouble I was for my mom after my dad left us, and then continued to be with my step-father. Looking back, my mother was the strongest person I know, but I can't see myself as ever being able to be the kind of mom/person she was. I just don't measure up. It was plain carelessness that got me pregnant to begin with.

Are these feelings normal, has anyone been through this? Do you have advice?

Answer 1

Good thing that you recognized that you were being careless to get pregnant.  

Most parents(married or single) are clueless, so you don't need to feel too worried.  Do your best and hope for the same.

And for the sake of your unborn child and your long term happiness,  the following are things too many single mothers do but they are exactly the things that keep you in a S****y place over and over, so please keep in mind that

1. try "NOT TO" desparately  find a "DAD" for your daughter.

  Because 9.99 times out of ten, the guy who says he likes kids most likely just want to get you in bed.  And desparation almost always get you into a bad situation.  Whether financially ok or not, the worst thing a single mother can do is to hastely find a wrong guy to fill the role of a dad.

2. Build your confidence not only as a woman, but as a human being,  because  without the love for yourself inside and out, it would be hard to attract people who love you for truly who you are.  and doing so(developing  the confidence and self-love) you are setting a great example for your daughter in the future and this (self-love), is the very best gift any parent can give to their children.

Answer 2

You are perfectly normal in every sense!  I haven't been through being a single mom and I'd guess it'd be more difficult than with someone.

However, you know exactly what you think you put your mom through and you know exactly how she reacted.  You will know how to curb it with a bit of reading up in some books.  It sounds like you have a great support system which is half the battle!  You have a job lined up and great people you trust to care for your baby girl.  All new mommies are afraid for the first time, whether you're with someone or not.

The fact that it is a girl will likely make you bond more with her.  I know that I didn't want a girl at all when I found out I was pregnant because my mother was abusive, manipulative and just right mean.  I didn't think that I'd be a good mom to a girl.  I had a girl.  :S  But since knowing all that I have been through and don't want her to go through because I love her so much, I am completely the opposite of my mother.  For some reason when the baby is born the 'bond' that is created is amazing!  The first time you see your baby girl you will swear up and down to protect her and keep her from all the bad things the world has to offer!  They're so tiny and defenceless and you'll love her so much you'll wonder where the love comes from.  You'll be a little nervous in the beginning, but I know you'll make an excellent mom!  The reason is, because you're so worried about how you're going to be to her and supporting her that you will be so responsible and careful and loving.  I know you can do it because so many other moms can do it, without the job lined up and the great support system that you do have.  

Right now the best thing is to focus on being strong and healthy physically and mentally preparing yourself for the baby.  Wash and fold the clothes, get the crib ready, the area she'll sleep and imagine her there with you.  I promise you, you'll do great!!!  I wish that my mom cared about me even one iota you are about your baby.  

Another great thing is, since your mom is full of strength, she'll be there for you to help you whenever you need it whether it's as a babysitter or a phone call!  Email me if you have any other questions.  I'm sure you're gonna be a great mommy!

Answer 3

I'm a single mom too.

I know exactly how you are feeling.  I was scared to death.  I knew nothing about kids, I don't even have siblings, so I had never even changed a diaper before... And now I had to do it all own my own.  I am really lucky, because like you, I have a very supportive family.  

It's scary, yes... But it's completely possible.  And you worrying about it proves that you are going to be a great mom, you are already worrying about your child.  :)  

Trust me, once you have that lil' one in your arms, nothing else will  matter.  You will be filled with a strong ambition/will to make sure that your child is cared for.  It's hard, it's scary, it's emotional - and it's all worth it.

Now that I've said all that - I need to add, once the baby is born, make sure you go file for custody and child support.  Raising a baby is expensive.  The father helped make the baby, he should help support it.

Answer 4

Dont worry you'l be just fine! Just take it as it comes its a blessing to be able to say you hav a daughter im 23 with 1 daughter and she is the most important thing in my life rite now! Dont worry its just ur emotions cuz ur pregnant i had them al the time!! lol....

Answer 5

Well, I'm a single mother so I can help you out here.  Her dad left when I was about 3 months pregnant. (Strange how a guy loves you so much and asks you to marry him, then when you turn up pregnant all of a sudden they hate you!) I went through the whole pregnancy alone, and he comes around once in a while to see her but he's not what I would call a "dad."  It is very hard, but its wonderful that your family is supportive.  I don't know what I would have done had my family not have been.  My daughter is my everything, and even though sometimes things get very tough, I wouldn't change it for the world.  I definitely felt that maybe I should give my child up for adoption because I wouldn't be able to do it alone, but its definitely do-able.  Being a mother gives you extraordinary strength.  Rest easy, everything will be fine, and you will be a fantastic mom!

Answer 6

Those feelings are very normal. I thought the same things when I got pregnant for the first time. It's a very scary thing but, now that my baby's here I realized it's the most precious gift God could give us. You're family sounds like they will help you which is a plus. Just keep your head up and be the best mom you can be. Your daughter will love you regardless. Hope this helps. Congrats!

Answer 7

Hey I am 31 now but 20 when my son was born. And his dad also split. I was scared but as long as you try and work hard you can do anything you want. I am currently in a relationship for the first time that my son actually likes. It has been trying and at times I thought there was no way i could continue but i did and you will also. I am also a single foster parent to several boys. And I can tell you that if your family is supportive that is a huge plus. Good luck to you and you will be fine. Just remember that God will look out for you and yours and never give you more than you can handle in life. I sure hope this helped you out!

Answer 8

You are already ahead of the game. These thoughts are regular. You have so many things already working in your favor. You'll do great! Children aren't easy single or married. But having a strong support system is key! You're on your way. congrats! you'll do fine.

Answer 9

Let me just start out by saying that I wish you the best of luck, I know this will be hard but God gives women an incredible amount of strength for situations just like this. You are incredibly lucky to have your family around you (especially the babysitting part....it's a lot easier than leaving them w/strangers). You'll just have to muster through but do talk w/someone when you're having a rough go of it. Babies are beautiful but a lot of work, however, all those little moments really do make the hard parts easier. Your child isn't you, so you really don't know that she'll give you a hard time.....just be patient, consistent and firm and she'll be fine. I was a single mom for 3 years and it can be hard but look at it this way, it is such an amazing opportunity to really get to know yourself and what you're capable of!

Answer 10

It seems like you have a lot of support from your family to help you.  I wouldn't worry so much.

Answer 11

Pregnancy is hard because you have so much time to anticipate. I am a single mom of two and went through both pregnancies alone. And really the worst part is the aniticipation. I find that being a single mom is not hard. I dont' understand why people complain and vicimtize themselves. I mean sure it is hard at times. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. But you can't tell me that married mom's don't either. And honestly... I would rather be a single mom than have the dad here bitc-hing at me all the time. I personally enjoy my kids and my life. I wish that I had a man... but my enjoyment of life is not dependant on that.

Answer 12

My daughter is 14 and I still get scarred -

You will be totally fine.  IMO girls are harder to raise / at least mine is...but she is my ONLY girl and we are best friends!

Congrats