I'm 12 and I wrote this poem, and I would like criticism and comments on it please! I want to continue writing

Question

Here it goes:

The lies of all the ages past,

I *knew* this life could never last.

The day those lies revealed to me,

A life, now mine, I refuse to see.

You thought you hid,

And though you did,

A big mistake, the choice you made,

So now my dreams begin to fade.

Because of you, and only you,

My hopes ahead reduce to few.

I loved you once, and I'll still try,

But I'll make it clear, you cannot lie.

You lied to us, you lied to me!

Because of you, we'll never be,

A Family.

The lucky ones don't feel the pain,

But me? I do, again and again.

I feel the pain; I feel the fear,

Yet still embracing every tear.

You still won't see, Refuse to see,

All the things you've done to me.

You never told us, not a word.

But don't you see? We still heard!

We revealed your lies.

Our love unties.

Though your lies, I know you've seen,

I know you never did come clean.

Instead, you ripped us all apart,

We hoped, we *dreamed* for a new start,

*Sorry I ran out of room*__________________

Answer 1

wow.that was AWESOME!!GREAT JOB!! :D

Answer 2

Great emotional outpouring - frustration, pain. It is hard to learn things about people - from another source - like overhearing a conversation. That could also throw in a sense of helplessness. To continue writing - would give a chance for release of tensions and a great way to sort out feelings and emotions. God Bless ♥

Answer 3

I loved it!! I am 14 and write too. You should definatly keep writing because i think you are really good at it! And you are right it is a good way to express yourself. :)

Answer 4

wonderful!!! my younger cousin miranda is twelve and i had her read it and she said wow i wish i was that good!!

Answer 5

This is a really good poem. The main problem is that you did not keep the pace ad rhyme consistent all the way through.

Split your work into Stanzas (verses) and then even the rhyme and meter

use  this part of your poem as a template

The lucky ones don't feel the pain,

But me? I do, again and again.

I feel the pain; I feel the fear,

Yet still embracing every tear.

Nice work

Answer 6

its good

Answer 7

Very, very good.  Keep writing please!  It's a great poem and it will help you with your feelings.  It did mine.

nfd♥

Answer 8

Very talented you should get this poem published Patti

Answer 9

Personally I think this is pretty profound for a 12 year old. You should definitely keep writing!

I'm sorry you're hurting...I know how it feels.

Be well, sweetie!

Answer 10

AWESOME!!!

i absolutely loved it