I'm 16 and worked really hard on this poem. Honest opinions please! Thanks a ton!?

Question

A Shack on Mary’s drive

On Mary’s Drive I dwell

Accompanied by few

To this day I am the smallest shack

Mary’s drive has ever knew

Surrounding me are houses

Much bigger, much more strong

Their walls are covered in hard red brick

Material of which I long

They were shacks once long ago

This fact I know as true

Yet unlike me made out of tree

Received they materials new

Within those brick lined walls

Lies a group of their own breed

Families containing “the nation’s best”

Fill their homes with greed

A shack on Mary’s Drive

On Mary’s Drive I dwell

My walls are old and wooden

Far from an easy sell

With all these facts against me

I cannot help but grin

The other’s materials are beautiful

Yet somehow I still win

Look past my broken hinges

Look through my window small

Inside of me lives a group of three

Owning close to nothing at all

They look onto their neighbors

As I look onto mine

We may not have those hard red bricks

But we’ll remain just fine

What we possess is FAMILY

And yes that is a wealth

We’ll stick together through the rain

Through sickness and through health

-ME- <33333

Answer 1

for a sixteen year old I think its lovely dear, but now for some real truths your first twenty or so lines you completely loose me because there is no direction seems like a lot of jumbled up pieces of detail that are unrelated to each other,

the last lines however are Briant they are clear an sweet and your poem has a fitting ending and over all like I said in the beginning its lovely darling keep it up, your a poet no doubt.

Answer 2

honestly? if you insist.........talent!  good cadence, rhythm...am also impressed by the mature and insightful words of this poem as well as by the way its crafted. great work

Answer 3

Ur poem is like soooo gr8, i lov it, its liek sooo pretty yao, i mean you have the man spirit in u girl!!!, ur hip in writing.

Answer 4

I like the poem a lot, but it doesn&#039;t have a steady rhythm. I have to read every few lines over again because it doesn&#039;t flow like it should... if that makes sense.

Answer 5

Some lines have no flow like supposed to.Maybe you can fix it

Answer 6

refresing,yo.

i like it.

Answer 7

This tells a wonderful story and is quite charming. But it needs some work. The rhyming pattern of : xAXA, xBxB, xCxC.... is very strong. In fact you have sacrificed the rules of standard English upon the altar of rhyme. &quot;Has ever knew&quot; is a grammatical abomination. But don&#039;t change it, because it works. The next strongest quality is meter. It is ALMOST always very regular, and when it is not, it is jarring. For instance, &quot;Owning close to nothing&quot; has one syllable too much. Try something like &quot;They&#039;ve close to nothing.&quot; And in the third line &quot;I&#039;m&quot; sounds better than &quot;I am&quot; to me.

L7 - Change &quot;of&quot; to &quot;for.&quot;

L15 - Look for a two syllable substitute for &quot;containing.&quot;

L23 is a metrical mess.

L 29 &amp; 30 - &quot;upon&quot; instead of &quot;onto.&quot;

These are all minor, but may help.

P.S. It doesn&#039;t matter to me if you are 16, 6, or 60. The poem&#039;s the thing. This one is good.