I'm 18, and my girlfriend is 32. help?

Question

I know, BIG age difference. I have been with her for about 8 months now, and I love her a lot. She's a great girl, very caring.

I have a problem though. I think the reason my girlfriend (Jess) is with me is because she misses her kids, and she wants me to fulfill that emptiness in her life when shes not with them. (She had a husband a few years ago, didn't work out obviously). She see's her kids every other weekend, and she always talks about them. Not only that, its the way she treats me physically. Shes always kissing my head, and my tummy (never my lips). Wanting to take care of me. When I'm with her, I feel like her child not her girlfriend. Even during s*x, shes so gentle and sweet...but it doesn't feel romantic.

I don't think Jess even realizes this. Do you guys think I should have a heart to heart with her?

Please don't hate on me, I'm serious.

Answer 1

no, she will send you to your room without supper

Answer 2

yes, but be extremely careful when doing so because she is obviously going through alot.

Answer 3

Well I think she may be trying to fill that hole but it seems like she is doing it subconsciously. The best thing to do is ask her straight up. If she is very defensive about it then it's, obviously, true. If she denies it calmly and rationally then it's not true. But if she admits to it, then just talk to her and ask her if she only loves you the way she loves her kids. Obviously if she says yes then she is not for you.

I'm sorry if this doesn't work or help out. But I hope it does. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Wow - def big age difference! Anywho, I think you should listen to your gut... It sounds like you are really on target. I hope it all works out for you :)   .....  

Answer 5

you should talk to her

Answer 6

Tell her exactly how you feel.

she's mature.

She should understand.

Answer 7

There is a big age difference if you really love her then talk to her, but your young as well and have so much going for you that later on in life you may want some one your age. At the age of 18 I would be having fun not falling in love. Enjoy your life and have fun.  

Answer 8

LOL "SO SWEET AND LOVING CARE DURING s*x" LOOOOOOL

Answer 9

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Why be in a relationship if you can't talk about what's on your mind with your partner? Tell her how you feel, in the way you described it here.

It's a huge age difference. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If you don't want her to treat you like a child, don't let her. Speak up!

Answer 10

Yes,   you should sit down with her and let her know how you really feel.  Every relationship should have open and honest communication, even if it is a tough topic to discuss.  It can make a relationship stronger if it is meant to be.

Answer 11

ok, i think that she is too old for u and too mature

Answer 12

I think the age difference is way to much and both your lives are completly different because you are barely becoming an adult and she's had a lot more experience in life.I say find someone who you have more things in common with and also closer to your age, that's my general reomendation, but if you love her and want to make it work out, then all you have to do is talk to her. Good luck!

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Answer 13

first of all u shouldn't have s-e-x instead tell her how you feel that youcan be friends with her and havin s*x wont do anything to make you feel anymore romamtic being romantic wont do any good instead  be her friend and talk of things of whats bothering her

Answer 14

Well your 18 and shes 32. To most 32 year olds you are a child. You have not even experince the true meaning of life yet. Your just getting out of the cradel and about to potty trained.

The fact that she was once in a relationship with man and not have a kid but kids kinda concerns me a little. Also, the fact that shes caring to you like a mother and treats like a kid but still wants to be sexual with you concerns me also.

I think you should have a heart to heart with her letting her know that you guys need to move on. 18 and 32, that is way to much of an age gap hun.

Answer 15

Communication is key.  There could be MANY things that are the issue.  It may not even have ANTHING to do with her kids.  Please talk to her open and honestly.  You'll feel much better.  I promise.

Answer 16

oh great another sicko

Answer 17

As you say, she may very well not realize that she's doing this.

I think a heart to heart talk would be a good idea.  Be gentle with her. Remember, there's nothing WRONG with the way Jess treats you -- she's caring and affectionate and nurturing and sweet and gentle -- all those wonderful things -- its just that you'd like her to see you and treat you as her equal, as a grown woman, not as a child.

So be sure to start the conversation by acknowledging Jess for all of her good and loving and wonderful qualities that you clearly love,  appreciate and admire about her -- including the fact that she's an awesome mother to her kids -- and then gently point out that you're not one of her kids.  Point out to her what you told us about how she is with you physically and how you feel like her child not her girlfriend. Speak about your own feelings from the "I" space:  "When you kiss me on the head, I wish you were kissing me on the lips instead" or "When you do (such-n-such), I FEEL (whatever).

Don't blame her or make her wrong and put her on the defensive with accusations like "Why do YOU always do (blah blah)?"-- remember there is nothing wrong here! You're simply sharing with her about YOUR feelings, authentically, and taking responsibility for those feelings, not blaming her for them.

Then after you've said what you need to say, be fully present with her -- not off in your own thoughts thinking of what to say next -- and really LISTEN to what she has to say in response.  Stay present, stay open and non-judgmental, continue to speak from the "I" space -- and work it out with her.  

Just a couple of other points -- first off, you have to understand that Jess IS a parent, and -- you're not going to like hearing this -- her kids are ALWAYS going to come first.  That's a given.  You may be a close second, but her children are her first priority, not you. So she is going to continue to see them regularly and talk about them a lot when she's not with them.  Get used to it.   If you care about her and the future of your relationship, don't EVER give her an ultimatum or force her to choose between you and the kids.  You WILL lose.

Secondly -- do you work? Do you contribute money towards rent and bills and groceries, or is Jess supporting you?  If she's supporting you and taking care of you financially, that could be a large part of why she sees you as a dependent child.  If you're not working and contributing at least something to the household budget, you need to start doing that NOW if you expect her to take you seriously as an adult equal.   You don't have to contribute 50-50, necessarily -- its to be expected that her earning capacity as a 32-year-old will be greater than yours at age 18 - but you need to start pulling your weight to the extent that you are able.

Hope this helps.

Answer 18

Been there done that, you are her toy, get use to it, forget love, seriously and enjoy it while it lasts because it most definately will not.

Answer 19

I think you should bring it up gently. Tell her you love her more then anything but you feel like she feels the same way. You should admit you may feel lie a child next to her sometimes. But your relationship is serious and you want it to feel serious. Just be open and see where it takes you. I don't hate you! Your request was very valid!

Answer 20

This is your girlfriend?   LOL LOL LOL LOL

Answer 21

Ah, yeah and now!  I am 30 years and that soundimaginey to me.  not the age difference but the kissing and rubbing your tummy.  I think you should go with your gut feeling on this and have a sit down.  

Just so you know my husband is 18 years older than me and he never kisses my head or rubs my tummy unless it leads to something more.

Answer 22

you should tell her what bothers you she cannot read your mind.

Answer 23

anybody who hates on you is a jackass

it's a logical question

and if there's no romance, sadly, there's no point in going on.

try telling her how you feel though :)

Answer 24

if youre having a problem with that, then yes! definately talk to her about it. both people need to be 100% happy in the relationship. but also, im 20, and i do the same thing to my boyfriend. i dont think about why im doing it, but once in a while i wonder if a sometimes treat him a certain way because i want a child. wierd right? well, not really, afterall, women are natural caretakers, and if she misses taking care of her kids, she has to get that intimacy from you. but if it makes you uncomfortable that shes mixing her sexual desire for you with the motherly intimacy that she had with her kids, then yeah, you should say something.

Answer 25

count your blessings . 32 is still s**y . I think where she kisses you is just her way . I wouldnt over analyze it . as Janis Joplin used to sing -  DONT TURN YOUR BACK ON LOVE -  

Answer 26

I think you sould tell her how you fell

and then see what happens

Answer 27

wow!! she's too old for you.  

Answer 28

ok first off she's way to old second she misses her kids and doesnt want a relationship right now