): I'm 18 and I want a kiddo. What should I do?

Question

So I've been with my current love for almost a year now and I swear to whatever deity exists that he's the one for me and I'm the one for him. I'm totally happy with him...but...I want a kid so bad...adoption or natural birth. However, I'm only eighteen and I know realistically that I'm not ready (nor is my boyfriend) to have a child of my own. I cried plenty of nights because my arms felt empty without a warm, little squirming body filling it. I hold back even more tears when I see a stranger's tiny darling cling onto their parents and smile as if nothing is wrong in the world. So in the meantime from now until we are really ready, what could I do to ease/satisfy my want for a child? Serious answers only please. ):

Answer 1

Yes 18 is very young and the bottom line is it will be MUCH harder than you think. You really need to give it more time so that the child and everyone else involved will be more secure and life will be easier.

You seem very young to have these emotional cravings for a child. Have you lost or terminated a pregnancy before?  

Trust me, it will be worth the wait.  You should concentrate on being young and having fun for the next few years....

Answer 2

Maybe try baby sitting?

this could i dunno help?

Answer 3

Honestly, I do not see what the rush is...in my opinion, you should really wait until you are established financially to have a child.  Did you finish High School and what are your plans for college.  Listen, I have three children - each 10 years apart - I had my first child at the age of 15 and although I was a lucky girl because I had a supportive family, I was the one responsible for him, dropping out of school was not an option, I had to give him a better future.  I worked and went to school and then went to college obtaining an associates.  At age 18, I moved into my own place and there was a lot of sacrafice to keep a roof over our heads.  Sometimes I didn't eat but that didn't matter as long as he ate....for a long time I didn't buy myself cloths but I made sure he had cloths and he was always clean......are you willing to make those types of sacrafices? I don't mean to bust your bubble but did you ever stop to think that maybe a year from now, you and your boyfriend may not be together? There is always that possibility -  hopefully you are, but I am just being realistic.....I am all for love but most guys don't know what they really want when they're young.  If he walks away from the relationship, you do realize that you are still responsible for that baby.  Regardless of what happens between you and the father, its your responsibility to take care of that child and at least be cordial to the dad because you will have to deal with him even if you are not together.  Are you mature enough to do that?  How about your boyfriend - does he have a good job?  Has he accomplished all he wants to accomplish? Does he have health insurance? Do you have any money saved in case of an emergency.....Before you bring a child into the world make sure you can provide for it - can you guys do that? Are you really prepared for a child....or do you just want one just for the sake of having one....because you think they're cute and cuddly...

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years...I was not planning to have another child - 2 was enough for me but my fiance never had children so he was always bugging me about having one and honestly, I didn't think it was the time but, I got pregnant...our son is 4 months and because I have 2 other children, I am very patient, I know whats bothering the baby, I know what to do to sooth him when he cries...I play with him and sing to him but daddy gets all bent out of shape because he doesn't know what to do when he cries...he loses patience.....He's great, don't get me wrong but my point is that this is someone who wanted a baby very badly, someone who liked the idea of being a father but did not take into consideration that babies get cranky, they spit up, they require lots of attention, they depend on you for everything, they need things like pampers and wipes, formula, etc......he didn't stop to think about those things he just wanted a baby....some times, I can't give him the attention I used to because I have to give all my attention to the baby and to the 10 year old.....even my older son who is 21 needs attention.....but this little person needs me more than all of them......a lot of the time, I am lucky if I can sit in the bath tub and soak for 15 minutes.....completing any task around the house is a mission these days because just when I think he's a sleep, he wakes up.....I am breast feeding so for the first few months, he has litterally been attached to me almost all day....then, unfortunately, because I have a house, and bills, it is necessary for me to go to work - my fiance's income is not enough to maintain us financially - I had to leave my baby because my job only gave me 6 weeks maternity leave the rest of the time I had to take without pay - I took an additional month off and that threw our finances off.....Also, I have to pay a baby sitter - $600.00 a month and that is my sister....anyone else would charge me $200.00 a week......This is serious........you have your whole life to have kids, having one just to fulfill a fantasy would be selfish...Please think about his very carefully..... take into consideration, everything I said because, once that baby is here, there is no turning back - if you want the job of MOTHER -- you better make sure you are ready to step up and play the part fully.  One more thing, babies grow up....it is your job to teach them values, make sure they get an education.....give them the love and support they need so that they can grow up to be a productive part of society......your arms are empty now but are they big enough to embrace the reality of raising a child?

Answer 4

well all i can say is that you can get a dog well not a dog but a puppy

Answer 5

if i get pregnant you can have mine i don't want it right now i'm only 15 that's IF i get pregnant

Answer 6

Listen you are 18 years old, go out and have fun wiv your friends.  Their is plenty of time for children.  Wait till you are stable you have a place of your own and are earning good money.  Its not easy bein a teen mum you know.

At least live your life first, instead of struggling with a baby.

Answer 7

Well for now you may want to consider a dog to hold in place at night instead of a baby.  Don't make a selfish decision in having a baby because YOU really want one.  Have a child because you BOTH want a child and you BOTH will be financially stable.  I'm 26 years old and I have been with my husband since I was 19.  We both really want children and we feel time is running out, but we HAVE to get our affairs in order first.  I need to finish my nursing degree and my husband needs to get another promotion.  We COULD financially afford a child at the moment but it would be very uncomfortable in a financial since.

We want the best for our children and we don’t want to miss anything while they are growing up.  We don’t want to have to work two, three jobs so our children can have the life they deserve but we miss it because we are working so much.

If you really want to have children and you really want the absolute best for them, then you will wait.  Wait until you see for sure that your guy is the one.  Wait until you both have a good amount of money in the bank because children do not come cheap in the least.

You sound like a really nice loving woman, so how would you feel if your daughter was four and she came to you for Christmas and said she wanted something so bad and she had been a really good girl but you guys couldn’t afford it?

Really think about everything.  Take your time.  You only have one life and don’t throw it all away right now.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

i have felt like that sometimes but imagine how much work it is. you won't spend that much alone time with your love

won't be able to go out

your friends will be having fun whilst your tied down

you won't be able to go on holiday

you will find it difficult to have a career

just wait and know that when your ready your going to be the best mum there is because it'll be something you have wanted for years i think it wil be best if you wait get a career move up in the world

in the meantime however you could try to make friends with someone who has a child and offer to babysit them if the parents want to go out

i know it is no where near like having your own but it may subside your feelings for a little

hope this helps

Answer 9

Are you financially stable? Have your own home? Can you provide soley for this child? Are you mentally prepared? Are you capable of putting this child in front of your needs for as this child depends on your to care for him/her?  You must be capable of loving someone more than yourself or anyone else as well and put their needs first.

Can you do this?  I'm asking you this because you are so young.  Think before you leap.  

In the meantime I would work as a nanny or in a daycare or babysit.

Answer 10

i know how u must be feeling i wanted a baby from the age of 13 and when i was told i might not be able to have kids at 17 i didnt think it would ever happen. i decided to wait until i could provide for a baby and give them a decent life, i didnt want to rush into something so serious and important knowing i was too young. you say your not ready which is good you admitted that, so i would advise that you wait until you are. having a baby is the best thing in the world, you are still young so you dont need to rush into it yet, at least be prepared first. im now almost 20 and pregnant and im glad we waited until we could afford a family and give her everything she needs, you should do the same andyou will then know you havent made a mistake. maybe concentrate on college or ajob for now, its very common to want a baby when your young but dont act on it until you feel the time is right. good luck.

Answer 11

Get a pet. There are lots of pets at animal shelters or rescue centers that need good homes, it sounds like you need someone to lavish love on. What better way to fill those empty arms than with an animal that needs love? Just remember not to throw it away when you do get a baby.

Answer 12

work around babies... babysit, daycare... come on, anything is better than trying to get pregnant. It's not always the happy picture you have in your mind.  

Answer 13

I think it's great that you recognize that you are too young for a child. Chances are, if you had a child right now all of your energy and concentration would go to your baby and the two of you wouldn't have anything left to invest into your relationship seeing as ya'll have only been together for almost a year. You need to take the time to invest more in your relationship so that you are sure it's solid before you even think about having a baby.Because if it comes down to it and you two are no longer happy, the one who will suffer the most will be the baby. So for now, I will donate my extra time at a women's and children's shelter or at a hospital and what not. I see your point with wanting a baby, however, I am 22 and married and still am not ready. I'm just waiting for my perfect time. Your time will come, you just have to be patient and use the extra time that you have right now to do something that your good at. You seem to be warm hearted and kind. Put it to good use.

God Bless You

-Cindy

Answer 14

see a therapist and maybe try babysitting or things of that nature. You are right 18 is to young and 1 year is not enough time. Your very smart just remember babies arent all snuggles and warm loves they are a huge responsibility.

Answer 15

work in a daycare? be a babysitter? this is fairly obvious

Answer 16

Be a babysitter!  Or find a little baby cousin that you can hang with.

Answer 17

Get a puppy, they require a lot of TLC and will look at you for the rest of their lives like nothing is wrong, you will have to take care of them, train them and they will always love you. At least you are smart enough to realize you are not ready for a baby, you have years before that, having a baby ends your life as you know it. You could go to a day care or baby sit, that may very well undo you wanting a child so early in your life. Be patient, yes it is a beautiful thing, but it is more beautiful once you are an adult, have some years under your belt, and are ready mentally and financially.

Answer 18

A "kiddo"?...They aren't toys! But that's what I suggest to you....buy a doll!