I'm 19 and there's a divorced guy in this 30's with two kids is he worth it?

Question

I'm 19 and this guy who I really, really like is in this mid 30's, divorced, with 2 kids. Our personalities are so similar and we get along great. I really want to date him but I know once we date we'll get really serious. What would I do??? He really wants to date me and I want to date him. But I don't want to raise his kids if later we marry.

Answer 1

Wow find someone your own age.... I wouldn't even date a guy who is 30 and im 22 the maturity level is soo diff. And u both will want diff things out of life... and I wonder why this guy is going after a 19 year old anyway...

Answer 2

no he is a loser,

Answer 3

Run, don't walk, away from this man. He may be a nice guy, and there are some happy couples who are fifteen years apart, but 30 and 45, say, is a lot different than 19 and 35. You're a teenager still!

You don't want to "raise his kids?" Well, their mother is probably going to do the heavy lifting on that, but if you have any reservations at all about his children--ANY RESERVATIONS- you definitely must not marry him. It's reasonable not to want to become a stepmother to his children; after all, you're not old enough to be their mother! But it's difficult enough to be a stepparent even with the best will and under the best of circumstances. You're lacking the will, and usually circumstances aren't the best, especially because there's seldom enough money to go around when there are two households (and eventually there may be two sets of children.)

Why get involved at age 19 in a serious relationship that may end in marriage sooner rather than later? A lot of personal growth takes place between 18 and 24, and you have so many opportunities open to you now in education and professional development. Take the time to enjoy your studies, your work, your friends and family. Get to know your parents as an adult; you may be surprised at how much you like them. Date more than one guy; there are a lot of fine young men out there, and a 19-year old can have her pick.

That's what I did, and I don't regret it at all. I commented about your parents from sorrowful experience. Mine died so young, I was grateful that I did spend time with them after my childhood was over! And you have far more chances for an education and a career than women did when I was your age.

One principle that has served me very well in my 64 years is: why borrow trouble? It will probably find you to some extent at least, so you should act to minimize the risk of unhappiness. Marry a guy who is pretty close to you in age and responsibilities. Have kids together and build a life for all of you without the presence of stepchildren who you are likely to resent (which would be your fault, not theirs, but is a good example of borrowed trouble.)

My husband and I just celebrated our fortieth anniversary. We're the parents of three terrific sons and have two adorable grandchildren with a third on the way. We worked hard and were able to provide each of our boys with a first-rate education. We love our daughters-in-law and feel optimistic about our children's and grandchildren's future as well as our own. Things can be even better for you, and I wish you well.

Forget the 15-years-older divorced dad. Surely you don't think he's your only option!

Answer 4

No.

I don't know anyone who married someone with kids and don't have problem whatsoever.  You basically are dragging his problems and his responsibility into your life.

You're only 19.  He's not the last man alive.  Date at least few more singles before you decide to commit.  

Answer 5

There are too many negative points in your situation.

One, he is too old

2.  he wants to use you as a sit in baby sitter

3.  you have already started constructing a mansion.  Don't dream, think realistically.

Think 100 times, before you decide.  Once you have decided, think again, ask yourself am I doing the correct thing.  then act on.

Personally, I think you should stop seeing this guy.

Or else if you have something in the dark, which you haven't revealed here.

good luck

god bless

Answer 6

ru mad!!!!!!!! where the h**l the kida will go ??

LEAVE it

Answer 7

Don't even consider dating him. Stay away as far as you can from him.

You are just a kid and he is a big man with a children.

Don't let him trike you into dating him.    

Answer 8

Explain to him how you feel about him, but then also explain how you're not ready to be a step-mom.  Don't head toward marriage, if you don't want to worry about step kids.

Answer 9

He is too old for you and he have kids. The kids are part of him and always will. Whether as a gf or wife you will to deal with them. Of course he wants to date you, you are 19. How old are his kids? You will only get your heart broken. Why don't you find someone who is younger and single.

Answer 10

re: I don't want to raise his kids if later we marry.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN

get away from all of them........

those kids need a loving, devoted  parent............and that's not you!

Answer 11

Your my age! Im 18!  And that guy is almost my mothers age, she is 40. That would be gross, unless he is really good looking and treats you so well that your parents and everyone love him then i would say no. Go to college , see whats out there!

Answer 12

oh h**l no. you crazy. maybe hes looking for a live in babysitter.  

Answer 13

If you're into him alot then go for it .

Answer 14

You are not mature enough me be in a relationship with a man with kids. Find someone your own age.

Answer 15

Gheezzz. Cant you figure it out? You dont want to raise his kids???Find someone your own age if you dont want to deal with kids. They are part of the package!  

Answer 16

divorced man in 30's wanting to date a 19 year old.....sounds like he is going through his mid life crisis a little early...... i mean I know age is just a number..... but you.... are not done changing yet, from 18 to 24 all people's brain chemistry changes....you will change and he won't, he is set in his ways.... I'm not saying it can't work, its just a very long stretch

Answer 17

Nope,he is not for you.It won't work.Don't do it.

Answer 18

No way!!  You don't need to be tied down to a man with children at your age.  You are too young to be having children, much less having to raise someone else's children.  Enjoy your life while you are still young.  If you waste your young years, honey, you can't get them back.  You will surely regret it too!!!

iIwas a young mother and raised my own, and I regret it.  I should have been out there enjoying life when I was at home, because I could not find a babysitter to get out of the house.  If I had waited, I would have been able to set goals and get myself established in life before I started a family.  I love my children dearly.  I missed so much, however, but it is too late to do anything about it now.  

Answer 19

I really question what is wrong with a man who is in his 30s, a father of 2 children and wants to date a 19 year old girl. That's just not right!

You have to understand something, you can't always chose who you fall in love with. Don't date a man who has children, if you don't want to maybe end up falling in love with him and then have to find the strength to leave him, because you don't want to marry a man who has children and get stuck at your young age raising his kids.

You are setting yourself up for a real heart ache. Don't get involved with him. It will be easier to walk away now, then to wait until you fall in love with him and he ask you to marry him and be a mother to his child.

Answer 20

I don't know if he would ask you to raise his kids unless they are

all living together in which case you will probably end up raising them,

but kids are usually an important part of someone life, you can't ask

him to choose between his kids or you.

If you feel too much uncomfortable about having his kids around then

look for someone else.

Answer 21

It will be doomed from the start if you can't love his children as your own...they are part of the package. If you try and get around that, one of two things will happen..There will never be peace(ex-wife is also part of the package) they are her kids too...or he will stop being close to his children and you'll have to live with knowing you did that.  If you aren't ready to dedicate yourself to the BLENDING of all 5 of you into a family....just say no.  There's millions of guys in this world, and you are only 19, what you're about to do with this man, could make you an old woman before your time. It will get complicated, and stay that way.