I'm 20 years old and terrified of getting older..?

Question

I'm turning 21 in September and it should be a milestone but I'm so depressed about it=(

I have this fear of waking up one day and suddenly becoming unattractive to men? I feel less beautiful / desirable than I did when I was 18, which I know is silly, because looking back at my photos I pretty much look exactly the same now as I did then.

Growing up, my dad wasn't a very good role model. He was a PIG and he treated my mom badly. My dad has the opinion that women over 25 aren't attractive and I've heard him say this many times. He has also cheated on my mom with younger women, more than once. I don't want that to happen to me which is why I hate my birthdays because they remind me that I'm getting older and "unloveable".

I also tend to date older men and my dad's opinion seems to be true of most men. Will a man still love me if I'm over 25? Probably. But will he love me as much as if I was 20? I dont know and I'm scared. I just want someone to prove me wrong about this.

Answer 1

Bummer, chickita!  I guess it really sucks turning 21.  I would give anything to be that age.  I know your father wasn't there for you, but "man up" and know that if you are beautiful now, you will be beautiful later.  Age is a state of mind, not physical beauty.  I think older women are prettier than the younger set because of maturity.  I still wish I was your age.

Old, 41 and still beautiful!

Answer 2

Stop blaming your horrible father and take control of your own life.  

As far as attractiveness goes...I am now 25 (Happy BDay to me!) and I find more men...men, not 18 year old boys (though I have given the "I'm way too old for you and married" line) are attracted to me than they were when I was 18 or even 20 or 23.

As you get older there is a certain grace you get...most women get as long as they act their age rather than holding on to being 18.

Answer 3

My partner and I are both pushing ever closer to 40, and she just keeps getting better. There are plenty of couples like that, so don't worry. Looks fade. Charm builds. ;-)

Answer 4

The only thing you must do to enjoy male love is to denouce feminism.

Answer 5

You know what I don't understand...why are women the ones that say to their husbands "Will you still love me when I'm old and wrinkly?" when in actual fact most of us are attracted to older guys to begin with so when we are old and wrinkly, they would be ancient.

It should be them worrying about whether 'we' find them attractive later on.

Answer 6

I can truly understand why you feel the way you do.  But the overwhelming majority of men like women no matter what age.  As you mature, you will become more attractive, gaining character and depth and style as you age.

But more important, many men enjoy women's company regardless of whether they are over 25 years old.  Wisdom, maturity, and a joie de vivre (please forgive my French) add much to any day, or night.  Men may like women's looks, but we fall in love with other things.

Answer 7

Your dad is a very silly man, and so are the other men you know.  Most sensible men are not obsessed with a woman's age.  I am nearly 52, and my husband still finds me attractive.

How can you possibly think that most men are like your father?  If they were then there would be no women getting married over the age of 25, yet plenty do.  I was 26 when I got married, well over the hill according to your estimation.

Anyway, if you think men are all such idiots, why on earth do you want one anyway?  You would be better off on your own.  Get a dog, it won't care how old you are.

Answer 8

Yes, and then some. I was "30" when I got married..and now I am 41, and we are STILL Married, going on 14 years. Yes, there is LOVE after your 20's.

Answer 9

i turn 30 august 1st.

and i feel as desireable to men as i did when i was your  age.

not at all..

so many you will be lucky and nothing will change at all.

Answer 10

Afraid of getting older comes from the constant bombardment we get for the media: the glorification of youth.

SOME men, just want "new models", but fortunately MANY more men, want a woman their own age, with whom they can talk and share life at the same level, as experience is an important factor.

But age is so, so relative! Focus on YOUR goals, focus on YOUR dreams, focus on YOUR self-growth, and you will always have a young spirit, you will always irradiate a light. At the end is not so much about a younger or older skin, but that light that comes from the soul.

There is no way of staying young for ever, unless we die. This happens to ALL of us, we all get old, the important thing is to live life 100% and be yourself 100%.

That fear you have about getting older and unlovable is the fear of so many women, because again young women are glorified, while older women are scorned. But look around, there are so many older people that find new love, at all different ages. My mother, after having an abusive relationship for many years, stayed alone for many more years. When she was close to her 60's, a man appeared in her life, a man crazy about her, he loved her with all his soul.

Romantic love is not just for the vey young.

Don't be afraid, enjoy this adventure that is called life!

Answer 11

Wow.....That just sounds crazy to me.

I had an a*****e of a father too, but it's not going to stop me from living my life the way I want.

I'm turning 35 next month and I'm feeling really good about it.  I know my man still loves me, perhaps even more, after 11 years together.

Answer 12

oh, sweetie you have so much to live and learn. first of all you are in the begining of life and you will get much better with age but enjoy yourself and your friends while you can as you will age faster than you can realize friends will be gone.  dont worry about the bad advice  you may have gotten.  just remember, you are you and someone will love you forever, you haven't met him yet but you will.

Answer 13

Don't worry, you soon get used to the wrinkles, poor hearing and eyesight, incontinence and memory loss that comes from turning 21.

Seriously, if your father is saying things like that, and was a poor role model, I suggest working on minimising his influence in your life: what he said was lies, and you know this, so try and live as if you do.

I am 35, and the woman I am with is my age and gets more lovely every day.  We both work on that: it is a necessary thing to decide to love your partner as you get older.  It does not come automatically, and romance requires work from both parties.  That said, every bit of effort brings incredible rewards, and the right man will invest himself in you, and you must do the same in him.  Don't get caught in the trap of needing constant reassurance about your appearance, and realise that the person you see in a mirror is well loved and cherished by a good man who feels the same way about you.

Remember that men are not just attracted to your body, and good men love their women just as much (usually more!) as they mature.  If you radiate uncertainty and fear about yourself, whether it be appearance or otherwise, men pick up on that, and it does cause serious relationship issues.

I recently met up with a girl I went to school with.  I had not set eyes on her for almost 20 years, and my mind held images of the cute 18-year-old I remembered.  Trust me when I say that time had done fine and wonderful things to her, she looked wonderful.  I can say that even though she is married with two children and now in her mid-30's.  She also though I had gained over the years too, and I am not talking weight: I am talking experience.

I would suggest perhaps that you address these issues about your father with a professional counsellor.  It has caused you great distress, for with I hope you recover from with the greatest of sucess.

Consider also that at least half of the negative things we think about ourselves are totally untrue, and that most of the rest are exaggerations in our own minds that do us a dis-service.

Be at peace, and learn to love who you are.  It will benefit you, and it will be a great partnership for a good man.

I really wish you all the very best!

Answer 14

A true love will love you no matter what....

Getting older just happens...no way to stop it :-(

Good luck to you :-)

Answer 15

wtf? 20's are the best!! :-)

i'm 28 and physically i look pretty similar as to when i was 21. aging is a slow process, you don't just wake up one day and find yourself different. plus confidence often comes with age.

almost everyone in couples that i know met their partners when over 25, lots when over 30.

sorry but your dad is an idiot. he is not representative of most mature men.

21 is time for celebration!!!!

Answer 16

You need psychological help. I'm not being sarcastic. You have an extremely sick sense of self-esteem that requires professional help.

Good luck.

Answer 17

all i can say is, you better learn to live with it because that's life, its the curse of man. there is no escaping it. however there are special creams and products to help look younger and fade away some wrinkles, but that's about it. you need to enjoy life instead of worrying about getting old. you said your father was a bad role model. so why are you listening to him? he has a poor view of women and he acts like men don't age either. we're all human, we're all the same. women are no different when it comes to getting old. youre still young, you have a long way to get before getting gray hair

Answer 18

Honey, as long as you have a good heart[ and you do ]. You will find love.

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http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 19

There's good news, Honey:  at 25, you'll stop being attractive to some pigs.  Rejoice in that.  Now add a pound or two--stop trying to be skinny--and you'll become unattractive to some more pigs.  Take a few more courses and become more knowledgeable--pure pig repellent!  

Keep it up, and maybe you'll have nothing left but a scant quarter billion worthy men to choose from, far from the trivial oinking of those men whose idiot affection you worry about entirely too much.  Walk PAST the swinish, into the grown-up world.

(French horns play a triumphant theme that sounds suspiciously like "I am woman," as the stage, hitherto quite squalid and cramped, falls apart to reveal a very much larger and more beautiful stage that opens still further, through the far wall to the real world, now clearly seen as  bright, bright, bright and filled with undiscovered wonders)

Answer 20

I can see how you got to what you are thinking but, with respect, it is silly. If you are thinking you are not attractive that is how you will act and it can be reflected back to you. But only because that is what you are projecting out.

I am 59, single, attractive( and believe that) and have no problem dating including  men a lot younger than me. Hope this answers your question.

Answer 21

Hey there sunshine, I've got some good news for you. It's your the inner self that your true love will fine attractive ultimately. The moment I feel in love with my wife was also the moment her looks no longer mattered to me.  Because from that moment on she was and will be the most beautiful woman I have ever known.  Here we are sixteen years later and she is still just as beautiful as she was the day I meet her.  Don't Worry.

Answer 22

theres jus so many things u can do aftr retirement! why wallow in self depreciating thoughts on ur age?

Answer 23

A man like your dad won't love you if you are over 25.  And it's hard because you really want that kind of man (your dad, really) to feel differently than he does.  But it's YOU who needs to feel differently, about yourself, and the kind of man that YOU want to love YOU.

There are LOTS of men who will love you regardless of your age.  When I was 38, I dated a woman who was 45 (it ended because she wasn't mature enough, but that's another story...)

Find a counselor to talk to about this.  This is important and you must deal with it properly.

Good luck!

Answer 24

I agree totally with Tracey...please seek professional help.  

You have quite clearly been influenced by your father's behaviour over the years, he is shamefully guilty of abhorrent behaviour and has indeed been a particularly poor role model.  I feel for you but alot of the comments already posted here minimise the extent your father's ideals/comments and behaviours have impacted on you.  The issue is not simple and your comments make me concerned that other resulting negative behaviours could commence - eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders - if your fears are not addressed now.