I'm 21 and my mom is ruining my life and my sisters life, need advice?

Question

i still live at home while i am in college. my sister is 15 and she is a normal happy girl. she is a good student, she has many friends and a boyfriend. my sister can get a bit verbal and aggressive at times but since i studied human behavior in college, i know it is normal. unfortunately, my mother is an ignorant immigrant from another country with a dominant equally ignorant husband. she took my sis to a social worker! i am upset b/c she did the same thing to me when i was my sis age. b/c of her i never had friends growing up, i was not provided with dignity, no decent clothes, no privacy etc. i am doing the best i can to work hard so i can move out, but i can't just yet. now she wants me to see the social worker. i told her i refuse to go to a social worker again when i am living a normal life and finally happy. she threatened that if i don't go see her, that i should pack my bags and leave the house b/c i am a bad influence to my sis.

i am considered a bad influence b/c i defend my sister and am teaching her to be strong, b/c with those two, she has a hard awkward life ahead of her. i don't do anything to them, i barely talk to my parents, so it is not that i am verbal abusive to them or anything. i just have a bed and a closet in there, thats it

Answer 1

mmm ill try and answer this the best as i can, well when we live with our parents there are certain things we do have to give up, though however, i just say, talk to your sis, i dontknow how old she is though, but just move out together so you can help support each other while you go to college, though, its good you dont get verbally abusive to your folks, but im sure by now uve expressed how you feel to them. well all i say is that, mmmm, sometimes relationships get better when you move out. mmm, well besides that , mmm i dont think i can say much else on this.

goodluck :)

Answer 2

My parents were pretty unbearable too when it came to things like this

I wasn't even allowed to cut my hair b/c as my mom would put it :"as long as your living under my roof I have control over you & your hair"

(and by cutting my hair I don't mean anything extreme mohawk down the middle I mean like for 15 years I wasn't even allowed to get a trim!)

anyway the only thing you can really do is try to move out ASAP & if your home really is as emotionally damaging as you claim you may want to talk to your sitter about becoming a warden of the state, an emancipated teenager, & or live in a group home

I know living in a group home seems extreme but I did for 3 years & it truly was the best thing for me when it came to personal growth, it gave me a new beginning to start over with the hopes of eventually leading a "normal" life

(my parents were physically & emotionally abusive - just thought Id clarify were my viewpoint is coming from)  

Answer 3

I would try very hard to be nice to your parents while you are living there, and in the meantime try and find a job.  When you have earned enough money, get your own place.  Maybe offer for your sis to live with you as well?  It would get her out of the situation, and you both may enjoy each others company.  Yes, she has school and so do you, but I think you could think of something right?

I'm sorry that your parents are the way they are, but many parents are.  Really, it's because they love and care for you.  But since you are over 18, you have the option as to whether or not you want to go to the social worker.  Your mom cannot decide that for you, but she can make you move out.  Your sister shouldn't have to go either, but if she's willing to go, don't make any problem of it.  

:)