I'm 22 and worry that i'll never find someone?

Question

i've had a bit of a messed up past.i dont know what it feels like to be in a proper relationship. i have had boyfriends but they have never taken me out or done anything remotely romantic. i have had an affair with a married man.(he was the closest thing to knowing what it felt to be with someone you really connect with. i guess that means i;m sick as well).i'm with someone now but we live together (not really out of choice), but i think we both know we're not gonna stay together. i feel like i have a really unhealthy view of men and what i want.

i just need some advice on how to clear my head/change my mindset on relationships. is it normal to have not had a proper boyfriend by 22years old?

Answer 1

It's really not abnormal at all. Relationships aren't the be all and end all of life, and there are far more important things that you should occupy yourself with.

If you constantly obsess over finding "mr right" then it will never happen, and probably just make you depressed. Just find things to do that you enjoy, and soon enough you'll find someone with similar tastes.

Just because you've had a couple of bad experiences, doesn't mean all blokes are rubbish, just wait for the right one to come along

Answer 2

love comes at all different ages! you just havent found the right one once u do u will just know that a fact!!! u just gotta give ur self some time and focus on urself first make urself a better person in every way and once u accomplish this the person uve been dreamin of will come wen u least expect it!! but u really gotta concentrate on ur self more than anythin so wen this person comes u are ready

Answer 3

B,

First of all, don't be that hard on yourself. What ever happened on your past is gone, it's over - that why we call past. Take the best out of this experience and close that part of your life. Every bad experience can make us stronger and wiser. You, like anyone else deserve to be happy, deserve happiness. But listen in order to find someone special, you have to think and believe you ARE Special, you are worth it. And believe me you Are! And yes, it is normal to have a boyfriend at 2! Why not!?

Also you have to be more selective: if you are finding guys that are not good it ,might be because you are not been selective. Don't go out or date someone just because you are alone. Been alone is ok. Until you find someone that is worthwhile! Remember, you are the only one that has the Power to make choices in you life. No one else- only you! So, make the best choice for you. You are too young to think you are not going to find someone. Some people only finds a partner later in life, everything has a time to happen. Be patient and enjoy life. Travel, read good books, enjoy your friends, family, yourself. Remember: you deserve the best!

Answer 4

you need to figure out what you want first. then you go look for him. don't just take whatever that comes.  

Answer 5

You are unlikely to find your real self whilst living in a relationship that you know is not right.

Move out.   Be yourself.    Join a club or take up volunteering

You have plenty of time.   22 is still young.

Answer 6

why don't you try picking up a piece of paper and writing down all the things that you like AND things that would be good for your future. don't over do it cuz sadly you might get more depressed. Definitely open your minds to different types of men and different personalities, so you end up with more choices. Don't rush anything cuz you might end up with some one you don't wanna be with. Take your time, enjoy being single, and when you are more positive about your current situation, everything will turn around and you'll be able to see clearly and make a choice. Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all: Yes it is normal to not have had whatever you call a "proper" boyfriend. Happens more often than you think. And see, you've had a couple of boyfriends! It just didn't work out. And the whole thing with the married guy... well, you said yourself he was the only one who you kind of connected with, so... You connect with people who care for you and that you care for, with people who actually listen and are there for you. So he was married... well, that is probably something you should consider next time (as something to put on the "con" side of the list), but take this from the whole thing: People - especially guys - you can connect with are out there. You just have to go out and find one.

What about the guy you are living with? Why are you living with him? Why is he your boyfriend?

Sit yourself down and think about why you are with that guy, what you want in a guy and what you want right now. Who are you? Do you know who you are and what you want to be like? If you don't, I'd recommend becoming single and staying that way until you are ok with the person you are, and you are happy. Go out with your friends, try something you always wanted to do (like a new sport), connect with other people, and don't be on the lookout for a guy. My BFF and I have found out that when you are happy and not thinking about wanting to have a guy, they come flocking. Don't know why.

So stop only thinking about guys. They don't define you, and neither does the fact of how many "proper" boyfriends you've had or haven't had. Be yourself!

Answer 8

i think you should not worried too much.the more you are in a hurry to look out for a boyfriend the more you will get the wrong men. you should let your door open and wait for the rite person to come.

Answer 9

22 is still rather young. There are so many other things you have to accomplish in life rather than waiting for the "perfect guy" to come along. It sounds like you have been attracting the wrong type of people to yourself. If you set some guidelines and standards for who you are willing to deal with, you will then be able to attract those types of people to you. Get busy loving yourself. When men see a vibrant, attractive, intelligent woman who is getting on with her life, not a woman who is just sitting around waiting on a man, they will be drawn to you. Get a healthy view of what you want for yourself in all areas of your life, not just relationship wise. You'll start to attract healthier men to yourself, and a relationship will develop.

Answer 10

u see..i'm 14 but i think i know what going on !! let men chooose u ... u dont choose men.... when u feel deep inside that u truely love someone..then dontt aker the first step..let them take it. this is how guys roll..  

Answer 11

22 is REALLY young.

I didn't have a "proper" boyf at that age, either.

I say your problem now lies with living with a man you don't see a future with. Why are you wasting your time?

Get out of that relationship fast and be single, learn about yourself, explore the world or meet new people.

Don't get down on yourself.

Being in a relationship or with a man is not the be-all/end-all in life.

Answer 12

that's pretty normal, people have all different experiences. just don't waste your time on married men or relationships that are doomed! if your relationship isn't going anywhere, get out of it and you'll be available when mr right happens along.

PS working in a bar makes it well easy to meet men to flirt with.