I'm 22 years old and I can't make my own decisions b/c I still need "permission" fr. my asian parents?

Question

I know what most of you are gonna say - "move out" but it's complicated. I'm a good girl and I grew up in an old fashioned, sheltered, Asian household. My parents want me to grow up smart, successful, dependent on them, and "innocent". During grade school, I was "bribed" not to go to bday parties b/c they didn't want us to have "too much fun" and focus on school, in high school, i wasn't allowed to go to dances b/c i'd meet a guy, get a bf, forget school, and get pregnant.

I understand when you're 17-18, parents can have that authority but i'm 22!! I unfortunately "failed" out of nursing school b/c my instructors believed I needed to "grow up" more. My clinical evaluation says that I would be a good nurse b/c of my heart, not my brain BUT i can't "make my own decisions and trust myself" when it came to assessments and rely on others' approval. THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME - that was the way i was raised and i need to change it.

After that, I decided to take the initiative in my own hands but my parents saw this as disrespectful. It's saturday night and my close friend is having a game night around 6 and my parents are still telling me "no don't go, you just saw them, clean the house, stay in..." My mom would always complain I don't have time for the family so I spend time w. them, stay around the house a bit, but once I wanna see my friends, they freak out and guilt trip and convince me not to....

HELP

Answer 1

1. You are an adult and you have to respectfully take your freedom from your parents control of you.

2. You can not cause your parents depression, they are blackmailing you again.

3. It really depends on what you want. Do you want to remain under your parents control or do you want to be independent of them to make you own choices and decisions? Sure some of your decisions and choices will be wrong, but that is a learning process you have been denied. You will one day have to do this and now is the time.

Answer 2

You definitely need to sit down with them and have a talk. The fact that you recognize your own situation is already an accomplishment. But now you really need to vocalize your concerns to them. You're an adult. Remind them that. Even bring in "I'm not trying to rebellious. This is me being a responsible adult..." or something to that effect. Be as serious as possible. Don't bring in any "all my friends do this or that" type of reasoning. You have to let them know your concerns.

Even remind them why you failed out of nursing school. Make them realize the comment your instructors told you. Tell your parents you really want to fix this. I mean, come on -- going to a friends house is totally normal. Heck, it's a house! It's not like you're even going to a club or a bar.

If nothing else, grab an older sibling or cousin to help you out! Maybe an aunt or uncle? However, if you're the oldest or only child and don't have any family nearby, guess that won't work lol

Answer 3

I do not think the way your parents are acting is going to change. You will have to eventually move out to show them that you can stand on your own two feet. Maybe you should try to go to a University that has housing so that it would look like you're furthering your career and would like to be closer to school. Or you can can sit down and talk to them about wanting a little freedom. Believe me I have friends that are 26 years old living at home and still have a curfew. They're parents said that as long as they are living under their roof they will have abide by their rules. It's all about cultural differences and that's part of ours. They can only accept it or move out.

Answer 4

have a longgg serious talk with them. when they explode and start yelling tell them that shouting doesnt go anywhere. ur a WOMAN now. tell them about THIS generation and what people do in AMERICA. trust me i have azn parents too. just tell them that ur getting old, and u need to enjoy ur adult life as much as u can before getting old. tell them to trust u. and for urself, dont rely on people too much, or for anything. because if u cant rely on urself on simple tasks, how can u be responsible in the future? tell them ur not trying to be disrespectful by telling them whats happening in REALITY and whats happening RIGHT now, in this society. They should be able to trust u by not getting pregnant or be drugged up or whatever. im pretty sure they're just afraid to let u go. just talk to them. live up ur courage.