I'm 31 and Don't Want Children? How do I get family members off my back?

Question

Ever since I was a little girl, I've never wanted to have kids. Have completely no desire to. I am married and my husband accepts my decision, but my family members (the one with lots of kids) harass me about it, and tell me that my clock is ticking and I'm basically going to live a life less meaningful if I don't have kids. I know I can lead a meaningful life without kids and plan to do so. Plus I make very little money (I'm currently unemployed). I think it would be just plain stupid for someone like me to have a kid.

I find their comments to be so hurtful and annoying. They are basically calling me a loser, and all the females whisper behind my back and say things. They leave me out of activities because every activity revolves around them and their ten billion kids.

So what else do I say to them to get them off my back? I don't want to be nasty or cause more friction than what is there, but they won't let off me at every family gathering. What can I say to them?

Answer 1

It really irks me when people tell people like you to have kids. At least your not having kids out of wed-lock and popping kids left and right. Your smart enough to know that your not gonna have kids because YOU dont want kids! Sometimes you just gotta be rude! Thanks for not having kids knowing you never wanted any! Wish all women were as smart as you!! And you know what kind of women Im talkin about!

Answer 2

you should have kids cuz wats the point of getting married  children are a joy to everyone and ur to selfish

Answer 3

Look you may need to get nasty about it a few times. Just tell them to leave you alone about it - that it is your decision.

Answer 4

I understand and relate.  You have to look them in the face and say that that decision is between you and your husband and their input is both unnecessary and unwelcome.  As for your self esteem, just remember, people with children aren't necessarily happier. And they may well be jealous of your child-free state.  Misery doesn't just love company; it demands it.

Stick to your guns!

Answer 5

Just tell them "NOT yet..when we do you will be the first to know."  and DROP IT.  IF they bring it up again...same thing.  

You can also minimize your contact with family.

Answer 6

a life less meaningful? Hogwash. You don't need kids to make your life mean something.

I can respect yours (and anyone else decision) to not want kids.    I don't know why anyone would have a problem with it. Because you are a female, doesn't mean you should want babies.

Your life is and will be just as important then those with children.

It is your choice. It doesn't affect anyone, so again, i don't know what your familys problem is.

I know you want to be polite and don't want to cause friction, but sweety, they are causing the friction, they are making you feel like c**p for your decision. They shouldn't make you feel like that, you should be proud for your decision.

At the next gathering, tell them to nicely back off. You do not have any desire to have children and never will. It is your choice and they NEED to respect it and respect YOU. If they can't then don't bother talking to you. Cause honestly, family or not, you don't need that c**p.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children.  Before i got pregnant (unexpectedly) with my daughter, i didn't want any either. But in my case it happen and i wouldn't change it for the world.

But you can have a great life and have no kids. Yes, there is a certain kind of love that you get from having kids, but if you are happy and satisfied with your life, with all the love that you have, then that is perfect. I say good for you. Live your life the way you want to , not the way others expect you too.

Answer 7

Just don't have any kids then. You can't get your family off your back, they are your family and will go on about it for a very long time. Maybe even forever.

Your body, you choose. Will you regret it, will you not. What will the future be like with/without kids.

It is cool either way

Answer 8

You being the age you are you can have sterilization and tell know one.

Answer 9

There lives will be evolving round their children

every parent has to

Try going out with them and not the kids, take them to do things you enjoy, things they wont normally do due to the kids

show them how fun life can be without kids then tell them you just dont want kids.

Answer 10

A friend of mine a few years ago - Irish Catholic (so you can imagine!) - was the same.  She didn't want kids and her family piled on the pressure.  In the end she just said, in hushed, sad tones, that they hadn't been blessed, and everyone immediately left them alone!  Classic!!!

Answer 11

Tell your family members that you appreciate their concern..., because even though they are being hurtful they probably believe they know what is best for you. They think they have this magical secret to happiness and YOU couldn't possible understand. Sigh.

Then tell them that instead of being a mom, you are very happy being an aunt.

Do you like the nieces and nephews? If so, then tell them that you like having this special relationship with the kiddos. Maybe they should see having you around as a BONUS since you don't have kids and like their kids...

My sister doesn't want kids but she like to play with mine....

in fact when I had #3 she said "thanks for saving my social security" LOL.

It is cool for the kids to have an aunt or uncle without kids---they have an adult who adores them who isn't a parent or grandparent. It is great. I have an aunt who never had kids and if you asked my cousins they would all say she was their favorite aunt.

The aunt without kids never compares you to her kids and when she plays with you at family gatherings she always gives you her complete attention.

Your family should be grateful that you can play this special role with their children especially as they get older. You'll give their pre-teens and teens a trusted adult to talk to when they decide that their parents are stupid ROFL.

Tell them they are hurting your feelings and you want to be a part of their lives and not to cut you out anymore.

I hope they smarten up!

Answer 12

Just tell your family members that you are being a responsible person having made your decision,you don't want to have children,

To bring children into the world you could tell them because they think its normal is wrong especially as you have made your mind up about this.

I feel so sorry for you ,every one has a right to decide whether they have children its your life and they should respect that good luck Hun!!!

Answer 13

We were not invited to Christmas eve at my husband's brother's one year, and one of the reasons was our (then) lack of children. We wanted kids; just hadn't happened yet.  Things haven't changed that much since we became parents, but we didn't do it for them. We did it because we wanted kids.  Even if you had a baby, it might not change things.

Just live your life the way you want to and let them do the same. You're never going to make everyone happy; just focus on those who truly matter and support your decisions.

Answer 14

Simple.  Tell them they didn't consult you before deciding to have kids.  Now it is their turn to stop telling you how to run your life.

Answer 15

just tell then that you never really want to have kids. you would rather be the cool aunt and not a mother. also say you don't have the money for a family and if they still make comments say if you have a child it will not be loved as much as they love there kids and any more comments will cement your idea and maybe even force you to move away, boycott the family as it is unpleasent. you have a choice and the chance to live by it

Answer 16

tell them the doctor said you are not able