I'm 35, do you think I'm too old to try to find my biological parents (I was adopted as an infant)?

Question

I have always been curious about my real parents. My parents (I mean the ones that raised me) really loved me but I always felt something was missing. I was raised upper-middle class and was very cultured but never really fit in. I look totally different than my Mom (she's short, olive skinned, and Greek) while I'm tall, blond, and skinny. I have mental health problems (bipolar disorder, anxiety, BDD, etc...) and have battled a drug and alcohol addiction. In society's eyes, I am a failure. The way I was raised, I should be very sucessful and more like my parents. I want to see if my biological parents have or had problems like mine. I wouldn't blame them. They did a good thing by putting me up for adoption. I'm a classic case of nature playing a much greater role than nurture if they are similar to me. My adoption was closed so I'd have to see a judge to see if someone could contact them to see if they want contact now. I'm guessing they'd be in their mid 50's.

Answer 1

I am in my 20s and found my birth parents at 19. It was worth finding them, but they were sick. My bio mom is schizophrenic and my bio dad drinks everyday. It was sad to see them like that, but it was great to hear how they felt about me and giving me up for adoption. I say age doesn't matter, find them!!! It will answer your questions. Also, my parents who raised me understood that there was a deep need for me to find them. I know they didn't feel sad that I wanted to find my "real" bio parents. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 2

"START WITH YOURSELF"

When i was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But it, too, seemed immovable.

As Igrew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

"I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone!"

good luck

Answer 3

Its never too late, I'll be looking for my dad when I'm older too. I hope you find them

Answer 4

Sure!  But don't get your hopes up. You never know what they might be like or if they are even people you would want to relate yourself with.  Hopefully that's not the case at all but you never know. And they might even be deceased...or have other children and wouldn't want you complicating their lives (if they havent told the other children that there was a child before them).  

Anyway, I really hope if you do find them that it will be a wonderful experience and nothing that you would regret.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I found my mom when I was 31-  My father in law found his mother when he was 69!  So no.. you are not too old at all!

Answer 6

You are never too old to search for your original parents.

Best of luck in your search!

Answer 7

I didn't start searching until I was 36, so no, you're not too old.

There are also other ways to do this than going through a judge.  If you're interested, there are a number of people here who can help get you started.

Also, you might want to join a support board, as this can be completely crazy making.  The best place for adoptees on the web is here:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

No - you're not too old. (I started at your age)

My mother is struggling with contact - but I have no regrets - I've found out things that I've wanted to know my entire life.

I've finally found out who my father is also - and we're in contact.

Many adoptees wait until your age - as they're more settled with their lives at that age.

Here are some places to start you search -

First - add your details to the registries here

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information on your state records here -

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/

All the very best with your search.

Answer 9

You are NEVER too old to find your truth.

And as a first mother and parent I can honestly say that I could never see my child as a "failure" simply because society, in its finite wisdom, labeled them so.

Answer 10

no its never to late if u know somthin about them like thier names r stufff like that

Answer 11

of course, you are not too old !!!

as long as you are wondering, you should be looking ....

Answer 12

Im 36.  My Bio-sister just found me.  Now I have an entire family of people to meet.  Its a total freaker.  I always knew I was adopted and searched for a while but finally gave up and sort of accepted that it wasnt going to happen.  Then one day out of the blue I got this letter...

You are not too old to find out who you are and where you came from.  Im diabetic and last Christmas I almost died from Diabetic acidoketosis.  I spent a full week in the hospital.  I had no family medical records.  Now have everything, from my mothers side anyway.  

You should look.  You will find out so much and in my brother's case it "exorcised a lot of his demons" as my a-mom put it.  I haven't fought mine down yet I guess but then Ive only spoken on the phone and emailed.  I will be meeting my sister on the 4rth of July weekend and the rest maybe around Christmas depending on my work schedule and available vacation time...

Answer 13

Look for them.

Some birthparents don't look for fear of rejection or hatred from their birthchild.

Some birthchildren don't look for fear of rejection or disrupting their birthparents lives.

You will never know until you search.

Answer 14

I think you are never too old to look for your biological parents. It may take a while to get a hold of them, but if you think something is missing in your life then by all means go fill that empty place! Remember you only have one life to live, and I think you deserve to know who your birth parents are.

Best Wishes and Good Luck!

Answer 15

I was 42 when I searched.

Answer 16

Is anyone ever too old to find out any details regarding their heritage?I say,as strongly as I can,NO!I am 45 and I have just found out that my natural mother is still alive but after searching for her for many years,on and off,am disappointed that she wants no contact with me.At least I know that she is out there somewhere .I can only hope that she will change her mind in the future.There are always question marks in anyone's life whether they are adopted or not and everyone should be able to fill in the gaps if they can.

Answer 17

hey! its never to late to find them!

Answer 18

it's NEVER too late to search for your bio parents. i wish u good luck if u do end up searching for them. :) i'll pray for u!

Answer 19

My husband was adopted too. I dont think its ever really to late, or a right time to look. but just be prepared for the outcome whether it be good or bad. all those disorders you describe are things that ppl who know there parents dont always have. My brother has bipolar and no one else in our family has it. But today with cell phones and different chemicals who really knows what causes what anymore. But if you have felt something missing for a long time, that can cause someone a lot of mental issues in and of itself. But what you need to do is figure out is if you find your parents or siblings and they dont want to see you, how will that effect your situation as it stands. will it help or hinder and go from there!! I wish you all of best in luck and family!! good luck!

Answer 20

My fiance's brother looked up their mom just a few years ago (fiance 44, brother 48).  Just this weekend, the 2 reunited on the phone, and both said it was the best father's day wish they'd ever had!  Now we're planning a vacation to meet, and everyone is excited!

Answer 21

It's far from being too late.  It's very common for adopted persons to wait until their 30's to search.  I did, as did most of the adopted people I know.  Every person has the right to his or her truth.  

It doesn't mean that any or all of you will want a relationship, and their is nothing that states that a relationship goes along with having reunited.  Some people reunite, get the answers they want, then do not want a further relationship.  Others, such as I, have long term relationships.  

I am so much like my first family in terms of appearance, personality, tastes, talents and so forth that it's uncanny.  In fact, I just got off the phone with my first maternal grandfather who said to me, "If I didn't know any different, I'd think I was talking to your mother."  Apparently, our vocal patterns, sounds and phraseology are extremely similar.  I'll never be able to compare, as she was already deceased when I located my first family.  I was never much like my adoptive family.  They fully concurred with this.  In fact, they were the first to note it.  However, this didn't mean they saw me as less of a family member or that we didn't love each other.  

Back when people our ages were adopted, all adoptions were "closed" adoptions.  Even today, open adoptions still mean sealed records in the states that keep them sealed.

Answer 22

I was lucky enough to find my birth family after 5yrs and it was done over the internet on findmybiologicalparents.com. I knew my birth name and yes it took all day but a name came up and voila! I dont know what the future holds but I'm up for it I am going up to NWT to meet them this summer!

Answer 23

You aren't too old.  You deserve to know where you came from and it could help you with your problems.