I'm 45 and my girlfriend is 19. We want to marry. Is the age difference too great?

Question

I'm 45 but look much younger and I met my girlfriend on a recent trip to Ghana in July/Aug. We spent two weeks together and became very close and her family agreed on our decision to get engaged and marry. I plan to help her get her fiancee visa to come and be with me here in the US so we can marry ASAP. The problem is that I have only told two people here, my mother and one friend at work. I want to tell everyone about her but, I'm afraid about all the negative comments I'm going to get from my all family members, friends and all the people at work? Please let me know what you all feel about my situation.

Answer 1

You don't know this girl - Careful !

Answer 2

WOW. THATS A BIG AGE GAP! SHE WOULD PROBABLY BE MISTAKEN FOR YOUR DAUGHTER! BUT IF YOU LOVE HER GO FOR IT

Answer 3

As long as you are in love and happy with her, who cares what other people think. Don't let them make decisions for you. And who cares what they say. Get married for you, not for them.

Answer 4

This past summer I married a couple with 38 years age difference.  He waited for 6 years (til she got to her mid 20's) to make sure she was sure she knew what she was doing.

She & I discussed in depth this subject when we met.

They get this father/daughter--grandfather/granddaught... stuff all the time.  But they've learned how to handle it.

The both wept with joy during their ceremony.  :)

Answer 5

well.... she could kinda be ur daughter which i find a bit weird..... but if u two r truly in love, i say got for it!

Answer 6

If you are truly in love and can see a future with her then it is really nobody's business, but I have to wonder what a 45 year old man could possibly have in common with a 19 year old girl.

Answer 7

You have known her for 2 weeks, she's 26 years younger than you, and you have to get her papers to come to this country.

Good luck You're going to need a lot of it.  

Answer 8

If you're worried about people's comments, then you're not ready to marry her.

Answer 9

With the major age difference aren't you worried it's a visa she wants and not you?  You need to consider the fact that she WILL be widowed.  Your age difference is very significant, and she will will be the one chasing after the children  when they come.  And Unless she passes in an accident, she will outlive you by SEVERAL years.  You'd be leaving her alone, possibly with young children to raise.  If you go through with it (after all, Love is blind to age, color, religion and s*x) please make sure that you always carry a life insurance policy.

WOW.... that sounds really morbid, but if you love her then take the time to plan for her after you're gone.

Answer 10

legally you can marry her. Socially, people will look at your weird but if you love her than sure why not?  But remember, she may be here until she gets citizenship and then be gone.  Just make sure you know that she is in it for real reasons and not for wanting to be american (or canadian or british, or where ever you live)

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 11

Truth is, yes a lot of people will have negative comments, the others, well, they'd probably give you pats on the back for  having one like her at your age... but honestly though... do you really care that much? i mean, if you like her and she likes you would you let a couple of gossip bother you? if so, then it's a big deal for you, look for someone you are more comfortable with then. if not, then by all means be happy both of you.

or if you want why not have her visit for awhile and introduce her to your family and friends and see if it would bother you that much then decide from there, and do consider the fact that she's young and you don't know her that well that she might just take off anytime after she's got her visa. good luck

Answer 12

Two weeks is not long enough to know if your ready for marriage or not.  You just barely know a few things about each other.  Why are you wanting to marry so soon.  Are you scared that she may fine someone closer to her own age or what?  Your afraid about the negative comments because you know that your rushing into this and that its very close to being jail bait.

Answer 13

I think you need to be together a bit longer then 2 weeks to know you want to marry her.  the fact that your jumping into this with someone you barly know who is sooo much younger then you is what makes it so wrong.  at 19, she could be your daughter.  what do you see in a young girl who is young enough to be your daughter?  whould you be ok if it was your 19 year old daughter wanting to marry a 45 year old?  really please think about what your doing.  you cannot love a girl you have only spent 2 weeks with.  this makes me question the maturity level of both of you as well as your intentions.

Answer 14

I think you should have a longer relationship with her before you decide to make that big of a commitment. That's only because you have to make sure you are truly ready for marriage. Both of you. And though you are quite older than her, I don't want to judge you. If you feel you love someone, don't let society define what should and shouldn't be. I wouldn't want anyone trying to tell me what I was doing was wrong. She's an adult and so you are you.  

Answer 15

You are obviously having mixed feelings about the relationship if you do not feel comfortable telling members of your family and friends about your plans. This is a big sign that things are not right.

Your girlfriend's family must be thrilled that their daughter will have a chance at a better life in the US so of course they gave their permission. Remember that you have known this girl for a short time (two weeks is hardly a blink in the grand scheme) and your feelings are probably very romanticized because of the situation.

Also, make sure that you carefully check all of the restrictions and process with visas. Are you ready to support this girl for at least two years while her more permanent visa is being processed. Marriage no longer means that the spouse can automatically work in the US. There are much stricter restrictions on immigration since 9-11.