I'm 8 months and want to give my child up but still want to be in their life...How do I do that??

Question

I'm 18 years old.I'm still in school in Groton CT. I want what's best for my child but I don't have enough anything to take care of it.I want them to go to a good home and everything but I would like to stay in my babys life and maybe get them back one day when I can handle taking care of them. I don't know what I should do.......

Answer 1

Contact a local adoption agency, set it up to have an open adoption...there should be plenty of willing people to do so and you get to pick the parents!  Thank you for thinking about your child instead of just yourself!

Answer 2

honey you can't give your baby up and then get it back later when you are ready. It sounds to me like you don't really want to do it. If I were you I would look for all the help I could get from the state, family, and the father. You can do it. Actually you will recieve more aid from the state and probably be able to go to a nice state school for FREE with free housing and daycare! I think you can do it! If you need some help or someone to talk to contact me I know a lot more infomation I have working with social services closely. Any questions you have I will help you answer. good luck!

Answer 3

Yes I would definitely suggest you give the baby up to a relative with the condition that you are able to get her back once you have your life on track, and perhaps get full visitation rights to make the transition for both of you easy.  However, you need to understand that there is a chance that whoever you give the baby to might become bonded to the child and getting the child back from that person might be a problem, that is why I suggest a family member, perhaps your mother.  

Let me also tell you this, if you do decide to give the baby up for adoption to a family you find through an agency, be prepared to be buttered up every way possible with promises for visitation, etc but the harsh reality is that unless you get it as a part of the adoption contract it will probably won't happen.  I truly hope that you are able to resolve this issue, especially since the birth is right around the corner.  You know, there is also state funded help (no matter what state you are in) to help single parents and they might be able to help you pay for daycare while you continue school and go to work...I would suggest going to your local WIC office, city hall or family planning center to ask more about it.  That might be an option you would want to choose, especially after you give birth and fall in love with your child.  

I honestly wish I had these options when I was younger.

Answer 4

If you hope to "get the baby back one day" you should not place for adoption as that requires permanently severing all rights. Open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable except in a handful of states, so even that probably won't guarantee you could be involved.

Call your state's department of human services and ask to be assigned a caseworker right away. They will help you apply for medical assitance if needed, and explain all of their services for single moms.

If you still don't feel you can be an effective parent right now, ask them about volunatry foster care placement...that way you don't lose your parental rights, and can stay in your child's life frequently under court order, but it can be cared for in a safe home. When you are back on your feet you can then file for recovering custody.

Answer 5

I live 15 minutes from you.  I had a baby when I was 16 and chose open adoption - She is now 19 and we have a good close friendship.  If you choose open adoption, it is not as easy as it sounds.  If you want to talk, email me

[e-mail]

Answer 6

princess, first of all bless you for realising your child not only needs, but deserves, more than you can give her.  to give her to a family that will love her and nurture her is the greatest thing you can do for her.  

of course you can keep in touch, receive photos, letters, and even see the child on occassion, but i dont' think anyone will want to take a child, raise it, love it, care for it, for years and years, only to have you at some point say 'i want her back.'

you can't do that to yourself, to the adoptive family or to the child.  what an unfair and harmful option that would be.

be the best mother you can be - give your child an adoptive family, and let her go.   keep in touch if you choose, but don't say 'maybe i'll want her back'.  don't even think it.

go talk to a counsellor that is trained in this type of situation, and you take good care of yourself.  stay healthy, stay strong, and find your little one a really good home.

best wishes to you

Answer 7

Honey, think very carefully about your future.  I've never done it, but I'm sure having a baby and then giving it away is something that stays with you forever.  Firstly, if u really feel that you cant cope right now, why not consider foster care.  That way you can make an arrangement that still allows for contact with your child, you are still the mother, and one day when you get on your feet you can have your child back.  Talk to a parent, family member, psychiatrist, or counsellor about what you are going through, they will be able to inform you about everything, and help you make an informed decision.  Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

It is time to you to find some help.  Today.  You can get your life on track so that you won't have to lose your child to adoption.  There are programs that help support you and the baby.  There are amazing distance learning opportunities out there with colleges now.  There are also school sanctioned daycares on most campuses that are income based fees.  Also, once the baby is born, the child becomes your dependent and you go from dependent student, to independent student in the eyes of financial aid.

Trust me, you do not want to lose your child to adoption just because things are crazy and unorganized right now.  Adoption hard sells that if you place your baby for adoption you can pick up your life and continue on like it never happened.  Don't drink the adoption koolaid.  You don't pick up your life right away after placing a child from adoption.

If you don't know where to turn, come to the soul of adoption web boards and post there.  There is a grandma that came close to losing her grandchild to adoption.  I'm sure you will catch her attention.  ;o)

Answer 9

You should definitely consult an attorney. Open adoption is an available alternative, and is explained below. Please note the last paragraph, though, and like I said, CONSULT AN ATTORNEY before you make any decisions. It will be worth the cost.

Open adoption is a term generally used to describe a variety of arrangements allowing for ongoing contact between members of the 'adoption triad' (adoptive family, birth family, and adopted child). The level of openness in any relationship varies widely. Degrees of open arrangements span from mediated contact, which implies letters and photographs sent through a third party (so that the adoptive family can maintain privacy), to full the full disclosure of the adoptive family's personal information. In fully open adoptions, there is actual physical contact, through meetings and visits between the birth family and the adptive family. Sometimes an adoption agency may describe an adoption as 'open' when the birth-mother (and/or birth-father) may have a say or may make the actual decision on who is chosen to parent their child, though this is not the generally accepted definition.

One important fact related to openness is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable agreements in many jurisdictions[4]. The adoptive parents may terminate all contact with the birth parent(s) at any time and for any reason.

Answer 10

The first part of your question sounds like you would be a great candidate for open adoption.  An open adoption is where the bio-parents and adoptive parents stay in contact - either thru visits, or pictures, or letters, etc.  It can be done directly or through the agency.  It is dependent on the agreement that you make with the adoptive family beforehand.  We have a semi-open adoption with our son's biological grandparents.  I say "semi-open" because we do not have an open relationship with his bio-parents, but we do have his bio-grandparents in his life.  They visit, they're called grandparents, and we talk on the phone.  We actually adopted our son from them directly (as they had custody of our son).

However, something you said in the second part of your question concerns me...."you would like to get the baby back some day".  Adoption is final.  If you make an adoption plan for your child, and the child is "adopted", you must relinquish ALL parental rights to that child.  If you have any desire to some day parent your child again, you would need to proceed as a previous answer suggests - by giving custody to a family member.  

Either way, I would highly suggest that you contact a local adoption agency to discuss your options.  They would best be able to discuss everything with you and help you sort out the best plan for you and your child.  Birth parents typically do not have any costs associated with meeting with an adoption agency, so you have nothing to lose.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 11

you can choose an Open Adoption and screen potential parents - you can have certain privileges written into the legal documents that you have to sign for the adoption

It can be as simple as receiving school pics and a yearly update to actually meeting the child and having visits.  You have to find the right family.  Adoptions are final - there's no 'getting the child back someday' in terms of taking over the day to day parenting.  But you could build a close relationship with the child.

Talk to a reputable adoption attorney in your area.  Fees for your legal counsel could be paid for by the adopting family, but you need to make sure you have your own attorney advising you.

Answer 12

Do you have the support of you family or friends. It seems like you really want your child but would like a better situation. I know you're young and it could be hard but you should almost be done with highschool. Many colleges offer family housing, and financial aid is more when you have a child.

I'm 19 and pregnant I'm out of highschool but will be attending my second year of college, as well as working part time and I can't imagine giving up my baby. But I have the support of my parents as well as my childs father you may not have those circumstances.Do you know that the goverment has programs that can help you with housing, food stamps and medical care?

I understand where you are coming from more than some people. You may not have the best situation, I would love to be married with my own home and great career but sometimes things don't work out that way, and everything happens for a reason. It definitly won't be easy but it's not impossible and god has blessed you with this gift for a reason.Think about your decision, giving up your child for the rest of their life is something you'll never forget and possibly regret.

Answer 13

I dont mean to sound rude but you cant give your child to someone and then one day decide to take them back. I mean you CAN but as someone who has had a child taken back by birth parents I urge you to think over your choice.

Either adopt them out or don't. Do an open adoption so you can get pictures and possibly see them, but to take a child back like that does serious mental strain on the people who were carrying for that baby as thier own not to mention what it can do to a child.

We had our niece and it was torture to give her back up. My suggestion to you would be to find a family memember and not to use the word adoption ever, tell them you want to take the child at some point and help raise them in the mean time. Just be honest and up front, if you are taking an active roll their whole life and they know its not permanent and you take a slow approach to getting them back it could go a little smoother.

Answer 14

Consider speaking to a family member and asking for their help.

Answer 15

I would talk to someone who can advise you. You can contact an adoption agency.... My agency that I adopted my children through would be willing to give you good advise as to what your options are.Call 1-800-327-Baby or go to www.goldencradle.org. You can have an open adoption in which you would still be in your baby's life... You tell the adoptive parents what you want and they'll tell you whether they can live with it.... Maybe you want Monthly reports, Yearly visitations...whatever... If you would like to one day parent your child you need to consider maybe entrusting a family member to help you parent for the time being. I urge you to talk to someone about this right away, if you do want help with the medical expenses and getting good nutrition for the baby they can help you before the delivery. Good Luck to you and your baby.

Answer 16

KEEP YOUR BABY!!! Please don't give your precious child up,... She./he is very precious you know. You will totally change your mind as soon as you see him/her!!!

PLEASE Take my advice... The best parent he/she will have is YOU!!!

Answer 17

It is a life changing decision.  Talk with your family and see if they can help you raise your child for now.  I was a 18 year old mother of twins.  But I still went to college, thanks to my supportive family.  They are now 16 years old.  Have faith in yourself.  But if you can't handle it now see if someone in your family can!!!  No matter the decision you make I'm sure it's going to be right for you and your unborn child.  Best wishes....

Answer 18

I would contact an agency near you and say that you want an open adoption.  Check the yellow pages.  There are a lot of potential adoptive parents who want the birth mother in their lives, and you will get to pick the family that raises your baby.  Adoption is such a wonderful option and I applaud you for helping someone achieve their dream of becoming parents.  

Keep in mind, though, that in order to place your child for adoption that you will have to terminate your parental rights.  If you are thinking about trying to raise your child at some point, I would definitely discuss this with your family and let one of your family members raise the baby until you can take care of him or her.

Answer 19

I think open adoption is the way to go for you.  It will allow the baby and you to have the best of both worlds.  You make sure your baby has the best possilbe care and parents you can find and the baby will have a 2 parent household and know you as well (it will delete the whole where did I come from thing).  

If that is not an option, then I suggest you have a family member (your mother or a close relative adopt the baby and let you raise them)  My cousin was pregant when she was 16 and her parents adopted her son and let her raise him with their guidance.  He is a very handsome and educated 20 year old man now all the better for the decisions his mother and grandparents made for him.

I commend you for making such a selfless decision.

Answer 20

give your baby up to a family member like your mom or a aunt

Answer 21

thats so sad... I feel so bad for those kids, and for you, you ruined your life, we are doing a health project on teenage pregnancy, and the costs for it, it costs like thousands just to keep a baby for a year, but its your fault... why would you have intercourse at age 17 anyways and why didnt you use protection atleast, why doesn't the father suport you does he even care? does he even love the kid? if not, why would you have s*x with him? Those are the questions I have for you kind of people, if i had a sister and she got pregnant, 30 seconds after she would have told my parents, shed get kicked out of the house, 4 ever....

Answer 22

First off... open adoption.... thats the best route to go. My husband and I are looking to adopt a child bc we lost our second daughter in February at 22 wks due to premature delivery.  She was so precious and I really would like to give love to anohter child, even if it isn't mine.  We plan on trying for our "own" again but we really want to adopt and are more than willing to let the parents into the childs life!!!  My husband is 24 and I am 21.  We have a  beautiful 2 year old daughter, Madison Nichole.  If you would like to talk please contact me at [e-mail]... thanks :)  Good luck and I wish you the best!

Answer 23

Open adoption!!!!! We adopted our child and the birthfamily is involved , we keep them informed of events, he just knows we are are daddy and mama and thats his birthfamily (extended family).  You choose the family, you discuss with them on how open you want to be, you can even decide if you want to be the one who just contacts if you decide you want space, its not easy, im not going to lie to you.  but you have to think of the child and whats best for them, then what works for the family as a whole.  but the one thing is, you cant give your child to someone then take them back when you are ready... there is another family involved who wants to be parents as well and the less confusion for the child the better, they need stability and not to be hopping around.  Its a big decision, but go talk to an agency that is willing to listen to you and help you with your needs, you are important too, and its a big life changing event, your life will never be the same. Good luck and god bless.

Answer 24

Have you thought about private foster care. I will email you my story.

Answer 25

I would love to take your baby and raise the baby for you untill you get on your feet and  you would be included in the babys life !

Answer 26

i applaud you for courage to seek what's right for your child.  I would recommend speaking with your family, clergy and or local social work agency and have that conversation.

Best of luck.

Answer 27

Contact an agency or seek a couple out on line "in a reputable program", that entertain "Open Adoption".  There are many levels of this, so be very clear on how much contact you desire.

Answer 28

Sometimes there are people who will adopt your child and still let you be in their life but most dont like this because they feel the child will get confussed and in the long run get hurt~

I have never heard of an Adoption where you can get the child back when you "feel ready" ...

i hate to preach but if you were not ready you shouldnt have had s*x in the first place ... but oh well it happened and its nice to see you really care about your child...  

What does the father say? ~

I would suggest you talk to your mom or a relative you trust completely and ask them if they would like to take care of your baby while you get ready ...

If you give him/her up for formal adoption I doubt you will ever get your baby back ...

You know .. you are not the first girl to go through that!! alot of women and girls (some as young as 15) get pregnant and still go to school ... sure you will struggle but you may regert giving your baby up later~

Think about your child! ~  no one will ever take care of him/her the way you might .,.. because no one else felt it and could you live with yourself if one day you find out your child was being hurt or whatever~

Answer 29

you can go to a adoption agency and they will give you an option to give away the child and never see him or her again or ask what kind of adoption you can do that will let you see the baby

Answer 30

Are there two babies - that can make a big difference

I do not think 18 is too young to raise a baby provided you

have family, community and maybe the fathers support.

Talk to the agency about placing the baby in a foster home for 6 mths.

Answer 31

I think once you put your child up for adoption then you lost privelages.  Probably the only way you will be able to be involved is if the adoptive parents agree to let you do so.  Usually you have to wait until the child is 18 and can make a choice on their own if they want you in their life or not.  It sucks, but you need to do what is best for the baby.  If you can't afford to give the child a good life then adoption is best.