I'm A Mom And Need Help With Puberty Questions???

Question

Ok so i have a 12yr old son who is going through puberty. I have walked into his room twice now and he has had a full blown erection, which i tried to explain to him was normal but i failed miserably because he asked me how you m********e and i couldn't answer it for him.

My husband said he was about 11yrs old when he started looking at porno mags, so should i get my son one?

Do i start having "the talk" with him and explain to him Std's and safe s*x and all that? I don't wanna overwhelm my son all at once but i want him to be educated so he can make informed decisions. What did you do and how did you explain masterbation, s*x and all that to your child when they reached puberty.

My husband says there is no reason why he shouldn't have a porno mag but i think it would against the law right?

I need serious help and fast.

Thanks In Advance!!!

Answer 1

Giving him a porno magazine is against the law, but worse, it gives him a messed up image of women and s*x--nothing near what you probably want him to believe about s*x or how you want him to view women.  I don't care about the arguement that "those women choose do do that"; makes no difference.

I've got a 16 year old son, and we kind of had open talks way before puberty came on, since he's the kind of kid who will ask questions, and I always believe in telling the kids the truth (although amount of information adjusted for age level and maturity).  So he grew into puberty kind of having an idea already what was going to happen for the most part.  I gave both my kids a great couple of books for kids, done in cartoon fashion and with humor, that explain alot of human sexuality in a biologically, medically true fashion, but on a level they can get--the cartoons help keep them from being so embarrassed.  We don't have the books anymore, or if I do, I have no idea where they are, so I'll google them and post it at the end here.

As for masturbation, boys since the beginning of time have somehow found a way to figure it out, and without pornography (although I think National Geographic was a substitute for some in the 50's and 60's).  They figure it out.  Not something  you can or should show him.  This is more your husband's territory, though he really can't show your son, either.  He can, however, remind him to wash his hands, take care of the "laundry" afterwards, etc.  

You must absolutely have "the talk" with your son, but don't necessarily have to include ALL details at one time.  He'll probably either get bored or overwhelmed, and information gets lost in kids' heads at that point.  Buy a book for yourself, too, that will help break it down into smaller bits, more easily processed in his brain.  First, it's important to concentrate on just his own personal biology, growth, what to expect, not to expect, etc.  And to make sure that any questions he asks, even if you don't know the answers or aren't ready for him to know that just yet, that you appreciate his asking and will get back to him when you can.  If they feel even a little bit like you're getting irritated, angry, frustrated, etc., when they talk, they'll shut off like a switch.  Also make sure that he double checks all information gathered from friends at school with you and his father, so you can dispel any myths or counter anything against your beliefs, and so on.

Good luck.  Say and do everything with love, compassion, and a clear view about the man you want him to become, and respect for who he is now.

Answer 2

Wow mom would be nice if you would knock before entering his room, Daaaaaaaaaaa where is dad, this is his job to explain to his son the facts of life. I am sure this is very embarrassing to both you and your son. Please explain to him that there is no shame in this, This is the process of growing up. Then let it go, there is nothing wrong with them mom, we are go through it, please don't belittle him about it and don't push your self into it any deeper than you already are, If dad is to weak to explain to son maybe another male member  of the family will be willing to help. PLEASE PLEASE KNOCK BEFORE GOING IN TO HIS ROOM FROM NOW ON. LET HIM DO HIS THING IS IT NORMAL 100% /  good luck

Answer 3

if hes 12 know and he hasent had the talk  yet, than you better give it to him

Answer 4

No No No No!!Pornography has nothing to do with educating your son about himself or s*x. You would rather give him illegal materials to learn from, instead of you and your husband?? Really??Pornography given to someone at that stage is as wrong, illegal,and absurd as you and your husband "showing him" how to have s*x!! Pornographic magazines won't tell him anything he needs to hear right now. A discussion is certainly needed, and your husband needs to do it. Being a step parent doesn't matter. He has the same equipment; and experiences that you do not possess. My oldest is my step son and we had many discussions on this about that age. If for some reason your husband can't talk about this to him, do you have any other "safe" male relatives you could use? If not, and he's more comfortable with you, then step up.

Masturbation needs to be discussed and privacy needs to be addressed. Usually boys figure out masturbation from playing with it for years by themselves. Maybe he doesn't understand the terminology. From what you wrote, was he masturbating when you walked in? Is this when he asked you how to m********e? If so, after seeing him that way, why not take that opportunity to have him put on something, and sit down and talk openly. The conversation you will have can't be more embarrassing than seeing him erect and or masturbating, right? You do have some idea how a p***s works.

Your husband needs to explain about erections, possible wet dreams, and feelings that he is having. Plus all the upcoming hair, voice changes, acne, etc. All of this is better coming from the same s*x. Do knock on his door from now on. I'm sure he was embarrassed when you walked in and saw him like that. Explain to him that you are sorry about that, his body is normal to feel like that, you love him very much, and you didn't realize that he is growing up so quick.

If you do not answer his questions now, he'll find someone who will, and it may be harmful to him.

Answer 5

Knock before you enter his room next time.

By all means let him know he can talk to you about anything, but no dirty magazines, and don't overwhelm him with too much factual info.

Answer 6

Ummm, maybe the reason you should not give your son a porno mag at such a young age is that it might warp his prospective of women and s*x. That is not how women really look and not how we act.

Not to mention how are you going to feel when you get an angry phone call from son's friends parents b/c you son showed the mag to his friends. No matter what he says that is just too good not to show them!

Answer 7

he doesnt need porno mags!! i have 2 sons 19 and 17 and i went thru this too but never walked in on an erection thats your first mistake ALWAYS knock he needs his privacy now and its really no ones business if hes masturbating or not it does belong to him!....lol let it go and as time goes by he will find out what makes him tick i think your taking this way to serious i have a husband but my sons were more comfortable with me too so just let it lay and in time if hes got questions he will ask hes probally emmbarrased so dont push the issue but p**n isnt really needed and is a stupid idea you dont want a perv on your hands good luck and it all works out no worries just give him some space and why does everyone automatically think cause your kid gets a ***** hes wanting or thinking s*x? it could of been a p**s hard  geesh!

Answer 8

Hi Wishmaster,

I think that everyone has covered almost everything so far. No, you should not buy p**n for him, chances are good that he'll come across it on his own anyway.  You also don't need to teach him to m********e, he'll figure it out.  One thing that I would suggest, is that you put a box of Kleenex, and a small garbage bin beside his bed, if he doesn't already have those things.

Best of luck!

Answer 9

Yes you should have the talk with him. I would start it by asking him what has he already heard, that way you can add/correct anything he might not know. Don't explain masturbation, he will figure it out. As for the magazines, thats a personal choice, do you want him to have them or not. If you feel uncomfortable with him having them then don't give him any.

Answer 10

Please go to your nearest library or bookstore, there are many books that provide age appropriate information about puberty, s*x, etc.

First educate yourself about the facts, then educate your son.  

Don't get him p**n. Seriously, it is a bad idea.

Answer 11

Show him those old 1950's s*x ed movies they used to show in schools back in the day.

"Why hello there timmy!"

Answer 12

I think you have to give your son his privacy.  I would not provide him with magazines.  Between what he is learning in school and his own feelings, he will be OK.  Just don't make him feel uncomfortable or ashamed of his feelings or needs.  His body will direct him in the right direction.  His feelings will have to be satisfied, and he will learn what is necessary to relieve the pressure.  Masturbation will come naturally.  Always knock before you enter his room, just like he should for you.

Answer 13

i don't think a porno magazine is a good answer. It would probably be better advice coming from his stepdad since he's been there before. It all depends on how close he is to him. Will he take advice from him or resent it? This is a good age for the s*x talk; its definitely not too early. I have a son who is 17 and I talked with him about s*x and std's when he was 12 or 13. Its never too early. Good luck and this too shall pass..

Answer 14

..when your 12 you dont need a prono magazine to help you m********e..he will figure it out on his own..and do it hisself..no explanations needed..

but yes you should have the talk..have your husband do it.

Answer 15

I would agree with most of the other posts that buying a porno magazine at 12 is not the best thing legally or given the way things are depicted in the mags, in a fantasy type fashion it is not a good image to portray as it is not the way reality is. My boys saw those types of mags at a friends house and never brought it up as a necessity. Masturbation is a natural thing and I would tell you to have your husband discuss with him this topic. I would also recommend begin knocking on his door before entering, this is something I had to learn also, as this is something now that has to be respected is his privacy.

I would most definitely have the talk about s*x and as uncomfortable as it may make you feel he will respect you that you did not avoid his questions, have your husband talk with him regularly and let him know that his questions are important and valid and that he should never feel ashamed to ask because puberty and s*x are something we all had questions about at that age! You must have the safe s*x talk and include stds and let him know that condoms are not a choice they are required! I have two boys 13 and 15 and we have been having  open dialogs about this since they were 10 and 12 ( the younger son joined in on his own) it is our role as parents to guide our kids in the right direction and with all the visual stimulation on tv, music videos and in their middle schools it is all the more reason to start talking about it now. Good Luck you will do your son a great service by being open with him and helping him get through puberty!

Answer 16

No do not give him a porno! At that age it will warp his opinion of s*x and women.

Answer 17

I don't think it's appropriate for a son to ask his mother how to get sexual gratification. If he asks how to mastrubate, I would say, "Masturbation is personal gratification, so that's not something that anybody can coach you on."

No, you should NOT buy him p**n magazines because those teach him to objectify women. Not only that, you and your husband could be arrested for contributing to the deliquency of a minor. No woman -- and no man who actually loves women -- should condone pornography.

Answer 18

give him the porno. and a bottle of lube. and some condoms.

Answer 19

If you do decide to give him a porno mag, please explain to him that not all women are like this, these women are just dreams made up with makeup etc to please men. Real women look and feel much different and he should never expect a girl or woman he meets in life to be like those in a porno mag.

As far as it goes, I do not expect you to knock before entering his room. It's your house. If he wants to do that it should be later at night or something. It is definitely time to give him the talk about s*x and protecting himself and the girl he is with (condoms birth control etc) As far as masturbating, just tell him to do what feels best to him and to do it privately. And make suer that he knows he can always come to you when he has a question about s*x etc.

Answer 20

Give it more time, he will learn a few of these things on his own. Tell him about it when you think he's mature enough.

Answer 21

You SHOULD have started to talk to him about his body when he was much younger, that would have taken the "edge" off having to have "the talk" with him during puberty.  He would be more comfortable and so would you.  

I started discussing with my kids when they were two years old about their bodies, and as they got older the conversations got more and more detailed.  

I know of no law that says an adult can't purchase a p**n magazine and I know of no law that says that a child can't look at that magazine in the privacy of the home.

"but over time i have just not had the time to talk any further about it"  You MAKE the time.  I have three children and I spent countless hours with my oldest talking about her body, when the 8 year old came along I included her in the talks, and same with my now 5 year old.  It is up to YOU to make the time to talk with your children.  If you don't then you are shortchanging them.  By the way, I also work fulltime outside the home, but my oldest now knows about not only how HER body works but the male reproductive system as well and she knows about birth control/condoms.  Again you have to MAKE the time.  There are no excuses.

Answer 22

It may be normal for adolescent boys to read porno magazines, but that doesn't mean you should encourage him, let alone go buy them for him! (the dad in "American Pie" to the contrary).

Nor is it a parent's role to teach a child how to m********e (although some are comfortable doing that, I'm sure, and if step-dad feels like stepping up to the plate in that regard, so be it).  As a rule, boys and girls learn to do it on their own quite well, or they learn from a buddy.  Hormones are usually all the motivation they need, they don't actually need p**n to get them going.

All in all, I'd say you're too involved already.  Just close the door and walk away.  He'll be fine.

Answer 23

Hi Wishmaster, that's a very good question, as i too will need to discuss that in time to come, only an idea but some of the other moms in our group might have an idea,do you want to come and discuss? or ill post question if you want

Answer 24

I'm shocked!

I have 14 years old son, and what we talk about is feelings, morals, and s*x - not s*x itself. Are you atheist?

Do you think is moral for your son to look in to a p**n magazine, and not to teach him about feelings, and respect for a girls? How is your husband treating you?

Your talk have to include: hygiene, puberty, emotions (you don't want him to jump to bed with any girl, at any age - I assume), morals, maybe religion (if you're not atheist). This is more complicated then giving your son p**n magazine.

Good luck. You are great parent I'm sure, and you will figure out everything. Maybe read some books first, and then talk to your son. Local bookstores have a tons of books on that subject. The other idea is: give some books to your son, so he can read it. Those are very well put together book.