I'm Cancer and I am losing my Leo best friend slowly but surely, all the signs are there. Is there any hope?

Question

This is a long story, but please take the time if you can to read it and shed some light. I have been best friends with a lioness for twenty years. We have seen each other through everything. Even though we are several states apart, we talk almost daily and we make it a point to visit each other a couple of times per year. She was just here last month for a visit. Here is the situation:

She finds herself in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. She is Leo Sun, Aquarius Moon, Gemini Rising if that helps. Anyway, since she is a single mother of three kids she has a tendency to glob on to a new loser for security before leaving the current one. She has done this twice. This third guy that she has been with for four years is just awful toward her. He beats her, controls her, manipulates her, threatens her, doesn't let her go out except to work, when she does get to go to the store alone he text messages or calls her every three minutes to see what she's doing. She's not even allowed on the phone to talk to me or anyone else when he's home. He's Capricorn with a Virgo moon (24 years old, way too young for her), a sexual pervert that has cheated on her, and has threatened to kill her if she leaves him. While she was here visiting she wasn't really here visiting because she was talking on her cell to him constantly or text messaging him. She told me she had to otherwise there would be h**l to pay when she got home. Truth of the matter is, I think she likes the sickness in this relationship. She likes the house she lives in and the financial security and can't afford to move out on her own. I told her that I would help her find a job around here, a place to live, furniture, whatever she needed. I even showed her around here and practically begged her to get out of her unhealthy situation. She keeps saying "I can't, I'm too scared, I have kids to think about" etc. Which, to me is ridiculous because if she were really considering her kids, she wouldn't be there in the first place. Sigh. You can imagine what it does to a Crab with a Scorpio moon to know her friend is getting beaten down and doesn't give a d**n to help herself. I was compassionate and loving and sympathetic for a long time (three years) but now I just can't be that anymore. She can't stand the lecturing or the ways I put him down so what's happening is that we're talking less and less and it's all fading away slowly but surely. This has happend before in her abusive relationships...I get tired of hearing her complain about it and tell her to get out and she doesn't want to hear it anymore so we stop talking. Then, after she leaves the guy we will pick up where we left off. I think another problem might be that she has finally come to see the new home that my husband and I bought and sees that we have a normal (for the most part LOL) and healthy relationship and that I'm happy and I think it makes her angry. Ever since she went home there has been this weird detachment. Deep down I guess I know that there is nothing I can do about any of this, but I guess I just want reassurance that I didn't do anything wrong and that it's up to her. Neither one of us is confrontational, so talking it out won't likely happen. We're much more likely to just fade out of each other's lives with no real explanation and then pick it up magically one day right where we left off. Am I wrong to not want to listen to tales of how she gets abused and puts up with it? Am I a bad friend for not sticking by her even though what she is doing is toxic to herself and her kids? I guess I'm confused. Thank you for reading this, and please, rude people don't even bother. This is a situation that is really hurting me deeply.

Answer 1

http://www.yellowbrickhouse.org/

they provide safety for women like your poor friend.

please get help, she can't live like this. it is your duty as a good friend to help her.

although you may have done nothing wrong to fuel these events, you owe it to her to help her.

best of luck.

Answer 2

Hey I was in an abusive relationship before, the guy called me so much I lost my job! The only difference is that I wanted out and all my so-called friends dropped me so it took me a little bit longer to get out than I had wanted it to. So anyway back to you and your friend here is the deal, no you're not a bad friend for not wanting to hear all about how he hit her this way to Sunday. Still talk to her on the phone, but when she brings up him and things he has done to her change the subject. Tell her that you love her too much as a friend and you're tired of hearing about what he has done. Tell her that you're still here for her when she is ready to leave him  you will help but you don't want to hear about all the abuse. When I think back to when I was in my abusive relationship & all my friends dropped me I wasn't mad at them after I got recovered my sanity. I understood why they dropped me, because it was toxic just as you said. Some of them felt bad after the fact and told me they wished they had been there for me, but like I said after I gained my sanity I wasn't mad at them, because it was *my* decision to be with the guy. Once *I* decided to leave it was harder for me like I said because everyone had dropped me. My friends didn't know until after everything happened that he was putting things in my food, drugging me. I was too weak to walk, but I finally got a plan to leave with a friend who was still speaking to me.

When she is ready she will leave. Just try to make sure she knows she can call you when she is ready.

If I you were, because we can't change people, we can at least pray for them. Take a white candle and cleanse, sit in a quiet place and concentrate on your friend. Light it and ask that she open her eyes to what she is doing to herself. And that she gets out safely.

Best of luck to you and her.  

Answer 3

I am a cancer and I have been with a capricorn guy.  Honestly. capricorns use their finacial status as a lure to control their women because they very very jealous people.  The last time I saw my ex, he punched me several times in the face and then choked till I almost passed out after an argument about s*x.  I havent spoken to him since.  I know the love you have for her bc my heart is big and I have long time friends but most women in that situation feel that they can change the guy or get beat into intimidation, its not only physical its also emotional and mental abuse.  Your friend does not know her self-worth because of all these unhealthy relationships.  I mean you can only tell a person so much to change but she has to see it and want it for herself to happen.  i say call her and don't give up because he will kill her eventually but its not much you can do because she doesnt want to change.  Maybe you can try PADV.org (partenership against domestic violence) for resources and things you can do to help her.  But she is under his spell and she does not realize the grave situation shes in because the violence will only escalate.