I'm I Wrong For Wanting Please Help Me?

Question

Is my daughter’s 16 BD next Saturday and I want get her a car for her BD but I work in minimum wage job part time, and I’m struggling to pay rent. However her dad my ex husband remarried makes 60K and his wife makes 110K. They have a son together who is not even 6yr this boy could go to university if h wants too. He also, have a saving for his first car so he could buy any car if he wants too as of today. My ex pays only $1200 child support and he say that’s more than the court order and that should be enough for her needs and isn’t. I asked him about all the money they saved for his son and he said his mom saved it for him, and that 10yrs a go I refused to save for her college which is true but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t help her. I talked to his wife and she told may be you should made sure you got your GED 20yrs and that your daughter should had good grades and she told me to sucked up.

Answer 1

why can't your daughter get a job and save up 1/2 for a car and you pay the other 1/2  or work out the 1/2 deal with dad

Answer 2

I agree I had a job at 15 and bought my own school clothes and bought my own car at 16...$1200 a month? Wow that is pretty good...it sounds like he is more than supporting his daughter...

Answer 3

What is your problem?  I wished I got that much in support.  Why does your daughter need a car and you can barely make the rent?  I think your priorities are wrong.  

You know way too much about your ex and his family. You need to worry about your own household.  Why don't you try to get a better job?  Or going back to school to help you get a better job.  It's never too late to go back to school.

You should also make should your daughter is on point at school.  So that in the future, she will not have to struggle like you are doing now.

Answer 4

Here's the thing -- I've been on both sides of the fence.  I was once engaged to someone and we had to pay child support.

Now, I'm a step mother to an 8 year old boy who lives with me full time, and we don't receive ANY child support for him -- not ONE CENT.  I take home only $30,000 annually, and my husband takes home $35,000 annually.  We are not rich by any means, but our son (my stepson) is more than taken care of, and we have a pretty good lifestyle just off what we make with NO CHILD SUPPORT.

$1200 a month is MORE than enough to pay for your daughter's needs, and anyone who says it isn't is completely lying -- including you.  Stop spending the money frivolously and it will be more than enough.  Get a better job if you want to have more money, period.  Go out and get a 2nd job if necessary.

If your ex's other child is living a better lifestyle it's unfortunate but too bad.  He pays what he is obligated to pay, and $1200 per month is quite a bit.  

I hope for both you and your daughters sake that you stop feeling sorry for yourself soon and get out there and take charge of your own life rather than expecting someone else to pay your way.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes, you are VERY wrong.  Get off your butt and do something to earn more than minimum wage.  Honestly, with one child and your ex having a $60K/year income, he's paying more than enough in child support at $1200/mo.  His wife's income is of absolutely no concern to you and you/your daughter are not entitled to a dime of it.  Furthermore, you shouldn't expect it.  Sorry, dear, but I'm a divorced mother of two daughters and receive less than half what you do a month in child support.  I worked my butt off to establish a career that enables me to provide for my children.  I certainly wouldn't expect my ex husband's wife to support them.  That's mine and their father's responsibility.  I have no sympathy for you and the situation that you have chosen to remain in.  Unless you're disabled or retarded, you have the capability to do your part in supporting your child.  If you can't afford a car, she doesn't get a car.  Period.

Answer 6

$1200.00 for one kid is A LOT of money.

Sixteen is old enough to work, which is what I did to afford a used car.  

Teach your daughter responsibility because obviously her mom is lacking in it as well.

Answer 7

Tina:  Make the right decision...the car will have to wait a couple of years.

Answer 8

First off, $1200 a month is more then enough for child support.  Problem is you are using a good portion of it to support yourself.  I actually have to wonder how even working a minimum wage job you are struggling to get by. 40 hrs a week, lets see $7/hr, 4 weeks a month thats $1120/month minus about 25% in taxes and such so figure $800 thats $2000/month for your bills.  How are you not making it?

Lets see house payment (5 bedroom, good area) $750/month, Cell phone (family plan) $250/month.  Gas/electric $200/month.  Car insurance what $70/month (thats probably a little high for no fault).   That's $1270/month for bills, leaves about $730/month for food and gas to get to work and put money aside.   Now i doubt your bills are anywhere near that high so it would seem that your husband is not only paying to support his daughter as well as you.  I really wish the government would revise child support laws and make sure that child support went towards the child instead of supporting an ex too.

As far as the car goes, he's right, you should already be able to afford to buy her one with the money that he is paying, why should he pay more when your unable to properly budget your money?  Personally, i think your daughter should be quite upset with you for squandering her money on yourself.  

Actually, i think your husband should file for custody of the child.

  

Answer 9

Yes you are.  $1200 of extra income a month is a lot.  If you're daughter is using up more than that - you need to get things under control.

Do not compare your life to theirs. What they do for their family is their business, none of yours.  

Answer 10

why did you refuse to save for her college? that sounds very odd...I tihnk when a child is involved, that child support should be 50%, but that's my humble opinion. Also to buy her a car, the father SHOULD put half in there...If you can't afford the car, then don't get it.

Answer 11

You need to stop talking to your ex's wife, and then you need to go to some car dealerships and talk to them about what you want for your daughter and what you can negotiate off the sticker price for her. If possible bring a man with you because car salesmen are predators and will never bring you a fair deal on your own. The best price you can get is about 100.00 off the dealer cost, so do some research as to which model and make you want and the year and the extras, etc then find the blue book cost and then when you go in you will have info to help you negotiate a fair price then you can work out a payment arrangement.

Answer 12

Well if you can't afford it, welcome to the club.  If he is paying $1200 a month, that should help with the food clothing and shelter.  The courts usually set it at about 27% to 30% of the gross wage, that would be he is paying close to 15K.  Maybe you need to get a better job!

Answer 13

u know, one thing i've learned is u cant force people to do anything they dont want to do. they have loads of money and if her dad doesnt see that he's in a good position and he should help her out more or maybe even get her a car then what can u do? people forget where they come from alot in life so s***w him and his wife and kid and all the money they make. its not owed to your daughter. just continue bein the best mom u can be to her, provide as much as u can and it will be ok. dont watch what they have or how they livin cuz they d**n sure dont seem to be caring about ur situation

Answer 14

If her father wants to give her a present is up to him, he shouldn't discriminate between one child or another though.

Answer 15

Sounds like he dont give a **** about his kid to me.

Answer 16

i have never gotten a penny for my son from his dad and i know teenagers can be expensive but dont try to live a life that you cant........she's old enough to get a part time job and i know we all want the best for our kids but a car at this age isnt really a necessity,,,,,you should worry about maybe getting her one once she graduates so she can drive herself to college if shes not gonig to live on campus.....a lot of us always complain about what we dont have without acknowledging what we do have......you should appreciate what he gives you monthly and dont spend money you dont have and budget your money better and you'll find you're not so bad financially after all

Answer 17

I DONT AGREE WITH SOME OPINIONS HERE.  FIRST OF ALL IF ANY OF YOU HAVE EVER OR ARE CURRNETLY TRYING TO RAISE A CHILD IN A SINGLE INCOME HOME YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS.  WHOEVER SAID THAT $1200 A MONTH WAS ALOT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT AND FRANKLY SHOULD SHUT UP.  I DONT BELIEVE THE MOM WAS ASKING FOR HELP TO BUY A LUXURY $100.000 CAR JUST SOMETHING SAFE FOR THEIR DAUGHTER TO DRIVE.  HE AS HER FATHER SHOULD HAVE HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THIS.  HIS CURRENT WIFE SHOULD KEEP HER NASTY STATEMENTS TO HER SELF AND NOT JUDGE HIS EX, SHE WOULD NOT LIKE IT IF SHE WERE IN HER SHOES.  

Answer 18

Talk about greedy and always wanting more, He pays more than what the court odred so he doesn't owe anything get over it.

Answer 19

I bought my own car when I was 17.  Nothing in this world is free...

$1200?  Is that a month?  You are spoiling your child. Yes what you are doing is wrong.  You should think about your daughter's future not a f***ing car.  Will you have enough to spend on gas, insurance, repairs, or accidents?  You should focus on sending her to college, just have her take out loans and she will be fine unless she keeps her grades up.  If she does not have good grades, then h**l no she does not deserve a car...

Answer 20

I'm not sure if you could legally make him pay more.  It seems you are getting a fairly decent amount, however I don't know where you live or how much it cost for you to get by.  Prices are definitely high everywhere but sometimes you can shop a little thriftier.

You could try bargain shopping, for example, go and look around at all the cheap stores and regular stores you shop at.  Compare prices, and when you do your main shopping buy various things from these stores where ever they are cheapest.  This is what I do and save an incredible amount of money each month.  For example, at Dollar Tree (other cheap places are Family Dollar, Save A Buck, Dollar Deals, etc) they had Colgate kids tooth paste for $1, Walmart sells exact same thing for $3.  There are also some stores that sell salvage items, things that are slightly outdated or cans dented, and if you can find things there you want, and all are usually name brand, you can save quite a bit.  Just be careful, look at packaging and expiration date.  It's another way to save, and maybe you could put some of this money back for her.    

Answer 21

When I was 16 I got a part time job and bought my own car. Why give her something? Make her earn it.

Answer 22

I don't think that "only $1200" a month child support is cheap!  I only get $400 so you should count your blessing.  Sounds like this is more of a money management issue for you!

And its not your place to compare what your ex and the new wife has lined up for their son since that is THEIR business.  Your daughter is the only thing that you should be concerned about with the ex...not who he is with, how much money they make, or what their child has.

I agree with the new wife and you should just suck it up.  I'm sure that your daughter will understand that you are not in the financial position to get her a car.  I started working when I was 15 and paid for almost anything I wanted or needed, including my class ring, clothes, senior pictures, announcements, etc. because my parents did not have a lot of money.  My mom did give me her old car to drive when I started college and I was very appreciative of that!

Answer 23

You have one child and receive $1200.00 a month for child support??!!

Consider yourself lucky!  That's an awful lot of money!  You made the choice by not setting up an account for her at a younger age for expenses like this...car, college, etc - that's on you!

Her father is providing more then he should be - consider yourself lucky and stop complaining!

Answer 24

To be honest, I don't see why your ex-husband and his wife should buy your daughter a car, when it's you that wants it for her. Some parents want a lot of things for their children, but just can't provide it for them. She's 16, I'm sure she can wait a couple more years to get a car. Your ex is helping her by paying child support, and $1200 is quite a bit. You shouldn't be mad because it doesn't cover extravagant gifts.

Answer 25

$1200 per MONTH.  That's a lot.  You should be grateful that he pays that (since you indicated this is more than the courts ordered).

No teenager NEEDS a car.

Answer 26

I'm sorry but I agree with most of what has happened.

You can always make more then min wage if  you really want. You might have to take a night shift, do something you hate or drive a little further but there is always more money out there.

I don't know where you live but where I am $1200 would more then pay all of the living expenses for one kid. Is she getting designer clothes or something? You should be happy your ex pays more then he is supposed men. Some men don't even pay the min.

If you refused to let your pervious mother-in-law save money for your daughter that was just stupid. It sounds like you got in the way of your daughter's needs with your own selfish feelings.

If you want a better life you SHOULD get your GED. It is not hard. You can do it at night. It only takes basic skills and if you need help sometimes the state or city has local programs that will give you a free tutor.

Why can your daughter not get a part time job? It will help her with responsibility and she can be saving money for a car, college, ect. Prehaps if she starts early she will have a better work ethic and more responsiblity then her mother.

It does not matter with your husband's new wife earns. She did not make your daughter or assume any responsibibility for her. She did not stop her mother in law from saving money for her.

If you want more money from your husband contact legal services (free) and get a court order for more child support. You will probably lose but that is your only bet. I doubt you have the cash for a real attorney.

If you want something in this world you have to be responsible and pay for it. Now stop complaining and do it. Don't rely on others! She's your kid too!!! Where the h**l is the money going?

Answer 27

A car for a 16 year old? Wow. That would be spoiling her, in my opinion. Make her earn it. Help earn, but don't give it tor her. Plus, the money for a car coud be saved for her college, which is way more important. Don't you think?

Answer 28

I cannot escape the thought that this divorce was not his idea.

Are you wrong for wanting more?

Not wrong for wanting but I fear not much will happen.