I'm Pregnant, I have a 2 year old toddler and now foster kids?

Question

Does anyone have any advice for me? If you were a foster kid did you ever feel jealous of the biological kids in the house? Were you treated differently? How to you think parents should handle it?

And dont tell me "treat them the same" because that's so common sense... Details plz

Answer 1

When the foster parents tell their biological children they love them and not their foster children, it is hard to not be jealous and not feel different.

When the foster parents stick the foster child in respite care and take the biological children on trips or have holidays with them, it is hard not to be jealous and not feel different.

You say dont tell you to "treat them the same."  Bust guess what?  That is the key.  Treat them like they were your own children with the understanding that they may need EVEN MORE than your own children.

Do you have the foster kids already?  Because you have asked other questions about kids bouncing around from home to home and about aging-out.  Did you just get them?  

This title makes me a littler upset.  It sounds like "oh god, I have these foster kids now ~ when I am pregnant plus have my own"..... You have already split them apart.

Answer 2

Hi,

I have two kids that I adopted at birth, and I had four foster children at the time.  The four kids and I had already formed a really tight family before the baby came along.  They were never jealous because they were so involved.  All of them held the baby at the hospital before he was even half an hour old.  When anyone asked how many kids I had I would say five, then six.  There was never any discussion about foster relationships, or if it was a true brother, he was born their brother, and the baby grew up knowing four older brothers and sisters. There was never any jealousy.  They no longer live with me as they are older now, but they still call home, come home and visit their little brothers.

Answer 3

It is so common sense b/c that is what works.

It is nealy impossible to always feel nothing but love for your children...sometimes you feel angry, sometimes you feel upset, hurt, annoyed, etc...the key is to never let your children--foster or biological--think that your anger/hurt is remotely related to how you feel about them as a person. Further, IF you favor any child over the rest of your children, it better NEVER show in any way. Period!

My dad spent 15 years catering to my every desire and adoring me and showering me with both positive and negative attention...while he barely noticed my sister--good or bad. It was never discussed and it was never addressed, though everyone knew and everyone thought it was wrong, including myself. We didn't talk about it then, but you can bet it is always on my sister's mind to this day (20 years later). It is in the ways she sees herself and the way she views others. I tell you this so that you won't make the same mistake.

Of course they will feel jealous and left out....they have lost their parents and foster children often feel 'less than' and/or 'left out'. Include them in your pregnancy and your family. Ask them to help you out with baby things, getting the room ready. Ask them to go places individually with you when you can...do things with them that make them feel like part of the family.