I'm Scared?

Question

I am 14 years old and I hate my biological mother. She had me when she was 19 and my father 41. Because of her I have been put through houses of bad familys after bad familys, I have not always had enough to eat, and a questionable medical history. I had to grow up quicker than any child should. In 4 years I will have the opportunity to meet not only this woman but my father and I am absoloutly terrified. I'm not even sure if I should meet her or my father. I dont even know if my dad knows i exist or if either of them would even want to meet me. What would I say to her? What would she say to me? Does anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

My bdaughter told me she hated me from about 10yrs to 14. She was mad that her amom hadn't carried her in her tummy. She eventually came to terms with her hatred.Hatred gets you no where and only makes you feel bad.

If you want to meet her and tell her off, do it. If you want a relationship, go for it. I can tell you as a birthmother, I was prepared for whatever my daughter had to say to me, whether it was good or bad. You don't know your bmoms story and I hope as you get older you will think about why she might have given you up, not because she hated you, but because she thought she was doing a good thing.

I'm so sorry that your life has been hard, my heart breaks for you, I hope that you can get some counseling.

Answer 2

This is something that you should not let anyone push you into. You have the right to choose not to see them. But let me tell you that I have been in your shoes. I do have a wonderful adoptive mom. She is what I conceder as my real mom but I was talked into meeting my birth giver at 16. Sher runied my birthday and the rest of that year for me and after she did that I never heard from her again. I am now 29 and I have no need to see her. Yes one day I will be able to completely forgive her but It takes time. Do beat up on your self for having bad feeling about her and your dad. They will have to understand that this is your life and wht you say is what goes. Pray about it and remember its not just about them its about you. Good luck and God Bless.

Sweet Kacey

Answer 3

Of course you're scared and confused.

It's hard when you question things your whole life - about why you were given away - who do you look like - etc - etc - and the only person/people that can tell you about your truth - are separated from you.

And then you make up a hundred different scenarios in your head while you wait.

It's crazy stuff - confusing, scary and frightening.

Know that you're not alone.

Only you can finally decide if you want to go and search.

I've searched and found good and bad - it's an absolute rollercoaster of emotions - but I have no regrets that I've finally found out my truth.

There is a great adoptee forum - if you ever feel the need to talk to other adoptees - they also have a teenager board - although I'm not sure how often it's used -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

It's the only place I've found that I've never been judged - for whatever feelings I have about my own adoption.

And that's a very rare thing.

I wish you all the very best.

Email me thru my profile if you want to vent - anytime!

Answer 4

Talk to them and tell them how they made you feel! Tell them what h**l you have been through. Then listen to there side of the story. If you don't like them and you don't want to talk to them, then you don't have to. Just remember to speak what you feel, and that god will be with you through this all the way. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Im going to tell you something:

You made it through all of that, something that alot of people couldn't do. its made you stronger, unique, and built you up to be who you are. You will just know, when the time comes, if you want to see them, or what you have to say to them. Personally, I would say

"thank you for abandoning me and giving me this horrible life, because I know that at least, it has made me a stronger, better person than you."

Your gonna make it through. Good luck

Answer 6

I can't tell you to do it or how to do it. All any of us can say is that if you don't and you let this opportunity pass you, you will probably regret it for the rest of your life.

Answer 7

First off, don't borrow tomorrow's trouble.  You have four years before you can even meet them, so just pray about it & think about it until then.  Don't pursue a meeting until you're sure you want to.  It's not required - you get to choose if and when.  You can do it when you're 18 or when you're 40 or even IF you want to.  Be confident, though, that you want to first.

Answer 8

Just be yourself. They are terrible. Show them that your a WONDERFUL person and you did it without them.