I'm a 40 yr. old step-dad of 10 yr. old girl who wants to be like 21. What do you do?

Question

Bad grades,summer school,back talk,trashy bedroom,wanting to wear older girls clothes[high heeled shoes ],gets almost anything she wants within reason,does no chores,television,my space,phone are her big interests.oh yeah! boy crazy.If she is grounded, she will bug mom enough until she gets her way.She has never had a good old fashion trip out behind the barn! Knows no discipline for her actions . How do you give this girl an attitude adjustment without causing a bigger problem?

Answer 1

discipline her and dont be afraid to hit her. its the only way i'm afraid. dont beat her up like just a small smack hard enough to make her cry. i know it sounds harsh but kids need it these days

Answer 2

You and her mom need to sit down and set rules and consequences that both, you and HER need to go by. It isn't going to do you any good if you come up with a plan and her mom doesn't stick to it. You'll always be the bad guy, while her mom is the good guy. Her consequences should be the things she likes the most. School is one of the most important things, her myspace should be taken away until she passes summer school. (Something should of been done before she failed) She should know that if she wants Myspace priviledges she has to keep her grades up. No tv or phone when she disrespects you or her mom. Quit buying her everything she wants!!! She should earn stuff from now on (to make her more appreciative!) For example if she wants a new outfit...she'll have to help around the house, clean her room, respect you...NOTHING in life is free, and she needs to learn that!  You guys really need to stick with it too. As for her wanting to wear adult stuff....I wouldn't let her period, until she hit a certain age. Good luck, I know it's tough being a stepdad, especially with a girl.

Answer 3

You need to talk to her mother. I don't know if yours is a household where you both discipline her or just her mother, but she needs some boundaries. When her mother grounds her,she needs to stick to it. She'll never learn anything if she just lets her off the hook everytime. When I was a teen and got bad grades, I got grounded from EVERYTHING. T.V., phone, computer & internet, friends. I hated it! And I couldn't get any of it back til I got my grades up. But it taught me real quick. Her mother needs to be a mother and as long as she is living under your roof, she needs to abide by your rules. Which means getting good grades, no back talking, cleaning her room, & wearing age appropriate clothes. She's not even a teen yet and she's already acting this way!! She needs a reality check, and the best way to do it is to take something away that she likes to do. Like the computer or something. And stick to it! She'll learn fast that if she wants these priveleges, she has to earn them.

Answer 4

If she is this way at 10, you may be a grandpa before you know it.  Get her involved in things that 10 year old girls do.  GIRL SCOUTS for example!  YMCA's have wonderful summer camp programs.  Make sure she isn't just sitting at home twiddling her thumbs all summer!  Have a list of jobs that she can do (appropriate for a 10 year old, of course) and tell her that if things get done, she will earn her allowance.  If not, then she gets nothing.  That includes tv, internet, phone.  You and her mother need to set the base NOW because it only gets worse.

Answer 5

sit her down and tell her rules are changing, if she doesnt like it tough, you and your wife need to discuss it beforehand and agree to stick to the rules and consequences, divided you will fail.

Answer 6

I've been thru the same thing. Treat her like she is 21. She will soon realize that she doesnt want that. Let her know about the bad things that can happen. Let it relate to something you have personally experienced.

Answer 7

When I was ten I wore, high heeled shoes, talked back, my room was alway messy, no chores,had a cell phone, television and comupter in myroom and alway bugged mom. But never a bad grade or and summer school. Its your fault for letting it get this out of hand. Sit her down and say if you get better grades you can have those high heeled shoes and when she talks back the tv and myspace get taken away. Actually take my space away competly I dont care hold old my daughter is I would never let her on there. The reason she does this is because you and her mom are push over and let her get away with it. Lay down the law remember your the adults.

Right down on a peice of paper that if she does this this is taken away ect. Chores. I never did them but if shes lost something say her television then tell her is she does these chores she gets it back.

Answer 8

sounds like a spoiled little brat.

Everytime she backtalks, or disrespects you, or even tell her if she doesnt get better grades, etc.

Tell her you will take her computer time, and her televsion time away, and her cell phone away. In otherwords ground her from the things she enjoys.  And stick with it.  Get agreement with mom that you two will follow through with it and not give it during a tantrum.  

Sit the girl down before any of this happens and tell her, Times are going to change and you wont put up with this kind of behaviour.  Let her know that from now on when she acts up, she will be punished, and that you and mom have agreed to it.. That way she is warned first.. It wont come a suprise when she does act up or disobey.  Good luck.

Answer 9

Number one...she's is in puberty...get used to it.  Number two she doesn' tneed a trip behing the barn she needs discpline.  There is a big differnce between physical violence and actual discipline, discpline is TEACHING, GUIDING, MENTORING, if you and her mother aren't doing those things then the fact that she knows no discipline is YOUR fault not the child's.  It doesn't take much intelligence or compassion, to hit a child.  It does not instill respect in a child, rather it instills rensentment.  If you do hit her and she mentions it to a teacher your butt is going to be incarcerated and your step daughter will be placed into foster care because a school official/teacher is required by law to report ANY physical violence against a child to CPS.   So maybe you'd better pick up a few books on girls in puberty as well as parenting skills because I can tell you have none.

Answer 10

Take away all that stuff she loves. No television, no myspace, no cell phone, no boys, No outings with friends. She can earn her privledges back if she gets good grades, does chores, treats you with respect.etc..

At 10, you are the one buying her clothes and shoes, so it's your fault if she's dressing like a 21 year old. Don't buy her things that are not age appropriate.

Stop spoiling her and if mom is the weak point and caves under presssure, make the rule that mom doesn't make the decisions. Make the rules and make them stick.

Answer 11

Im a stay at home mum so I usually watch Dr Phil on television during the day and he sometimes gets couples that are in your situation and every single time he says for the step parent to stay out of it and let the bialogical parent do all the disaplining. When a step parent gets involved the situation always gets worse. The girls mother needs to stand up and take control and do all the disaplining and you need to keep out of it.

Answer 12

Her mother probably feels that she has to compensate for her previous divorce (or whatever happened to the child's father) and won't punish her.

Depending on how long you've been in the picture, you could try to talk about a unified approach to discipline and parenting with your wife. The child's behavior needs to be corrected soon.