I'm a care giver for a 10 month old that constantly cries for attention?

Question

His mother is 38 and this is her first baby, so most likely he is held all the time. I cuddle him several times a day, read to him, & play games with him, but when I put him in the playpen for just a few minutes to go to the kitchen, restroom, etc..he gets hysterical. As soon as I come back in the room & pick him up he just starts smiling. He had a dr. appt yesterday because she felt his crying fits might be a result of ear infection or teething but the doctor said he's perfectly healthy.

He also won't go to sleep without being rocked, put down with a bottle, or put in a baby swing.

With my 2nd and 3rd daughters, I let them cry it out when they would cry to be picked up or cried to get to sleep, but I also made sure they had an equal balance of cuddling so they felt secure that I was there for them. For the most part they learned in about 30 days how to put themselves to sleep and entertain themselves. I learned to do this because I spoiled my first child with holding her all the time and she didn't stop sleeping in my bed or stop having tantrums until she was 10.

I feel bad about doing this for a child I'm paid to keep, but I also feel that picking him up every time he cries or showing him attention every time he cries, or by not teaching him to fall asleep without bottles or swings will cause him (which he is already beginning to do) to pitch screaming fits to get what he wants.

For my own sake, it's much easier to just to give him the bottle or put him in the swing because I only have him for 9 hours a day and like many parents, giving them whatever they demand to make them stop crying is the easiest thing.

I think I should care for him like I did my own, but I feel like the mom thinks he should be held any time he cries.

Any advice?

Answer 1

Even if you disagree...as long as the child is healthy and safe than do as mommy says.  Afterall, shes the mom of this child.  you had your own kids and to be frank I agree with the way you raised them but in this case you are just a caregiver.  not to downplay your role but in this situation mom makes the rules

Answer 2

I would sit down and have a talk with the mother. Ask her how she feels would be best to handle the situation. It is her child and since you are being paid to care for the child you should do whatever the mother feels is best. Although I do agree with you that the child should be slowly weened off of being held all the time and needing constant attention, I believe it is something you should at least make sure is ok with the mother before you start doing it on your own. Just ask her and see what she says. She may be all for you helping her get her child over these issues.  

Answer 3

He should be held when he cries.  All babies should be comforted when they cry.  Leaving them to cry it out can cause lasting psychological damage, even if they "seem fine".  Holding babies does not spoil them.  Put him in a sling or carrier if he needs to be held and you need your hands free.

Answer 4

well, i agree that giving into him is easier AND that it only contributes to his inability to grow independence. BUT, I would say that you have to respect his mom's wishes.  I know it's hard to provide child care when you disagree with the parent's philosophies or ways of doing things, but, moms really want to be able to trust care givers. If she wants you to do things how she does, then you should at least give it your best effort. Obviously you can't take him to the bathroom and obviously you can't hold him the entire 9 hours you're there, but, I wouldn't do the cry it out method. it won't work anyway since the mom won't be doing it at nighttime.

I do think you should sit down with the mom, tell her your observations and see what her thoughts are. If she wants you to follow her wishes, then you just have to. If she's okay with you trying some of your own methods then go for it. But, you must get her ok first.  One of the hardest things about going back to work for moms is worrying if their children are going to be well cared for. it's your obligation to do things as she requests to the best of your ability. that being said, you are not his mom and you are not going to do things exactly as she does, and that's OK too.  But i wouldn't use your time there to 'teach' him different behavior patterns.  

good luck!!

Answer 5

You are the care giver, not the mom - only she can decide whether to use CIO or not.  If holding him constantly is too much for you then maybe don't watch him anymore.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. Im babysitting my sisters son. He's sooo spoiled. He wants to be held all the time too. He will cry and scream at the top of his lungs if he's layin down or on his stomach sitting up whatever but as soon as you pick him up he's happy and smiling. I have a 16 mth old and I never held her all the time. I listened to peoples stories. But to answer your question id let him cry it out. That's what I do with my nephew because I can't sit and hold him all day! Therwes nothing wrong with him playing by himself u know. I've only been watchin him about 2 weeks now. And I  put him on his tummy to play he whines and fusses but eventualy is quiet and playing. I just talk 2 him as im goin about the house, I stop and play with him. Just enough so he knows im still there and giving him attention. And honestly its working yesterday I barely held him all day because he was having so much fun on the floor entertaining himself!   If momma won't break him from it I will! LOL I hope this helps!