I'm a first time 19 year old mother and my son just turned six months......?

Question

what is your advice for a single mother?I wanted it to work out with his father but he became very abusive and very controlling and i noticed that my son was feeding off of he anger. So i maid the decision to leave because he was doing more harm then good. But at the same time it is hard trying to be the mother and the father... because really i cant.

Answer 1

You will do what you have to do. Take advise from male friends/family when he encounters "boy problems". When he gets older talk to "Big Brothers".

Answer 2

I was 20, single, and scared when I brought my boy into the world.  My goal then was not to be a statistic - single mom, dependant on welfare and no endeavors to make changes in life.  So, I went back to school, and accessed the programs out there to further my self, and of course to make ends meet.  I didn't have alot of familial support, so he and I were a family.  I got to make the decisions of his upbringing, I paid the bills, and I got all of his love and affection in return (so worth it).  I did worry about the lack of male role modeling in his life, but I didn't focus on the negatives - just the positives.  I stayed away from dating for quite sometime, because I also didn't want him to have temporary men in his life either... I believe that one of the most important things you can do for a child is to create and keep stability as much as possible in their lives, it blossoms their sense of security.  Remember, single parenting is much more common (sadly) in today's day and age, and we as mothers can only do what we can ...  be committed to them, show them they are the most important people in our lives, and keep moving forward.  GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 3

I was a single mother of twins at 16 and had another by 19, again single. There are many support groups that could help with daycare, and pretty much can help you with anything you may need. It's very hard to be a single mom, I know it first hand,but, it's the toughest job in the world and the most rewarding. You don't need some jerk in your life. Chances are, if you had stayed with him, your son would have acted just like his father, kids learn by example. Just be the best you can be and don't ever be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.

Answer 4

I feel you!

I was 16 yrs old when I became a mother. The dad was in and out. And said he loved me and got his rocks off and left. Well at 19 I became pregnant again. Had another baby and he was still in and out. So I just left that c**p..It wasnt good on the kids. I am now 23 yr old mother of 4 kids...also married.

Trust me...YOU CAN DO IT!

Woman are strong like that!!!! And if you need a father type figure in his life try....Your father. My dad was the father figure for my oldest daughter and youngest till I got married. I love him to death! Even they know that is their gpa...they know he was there for them!!!!!!

Take care and keep doing your part as a mother..

And if you need someone to talk to..email me

Answer 5

Maybe you should have used a condom then you wouldn't have had this problem?

Answer 6

Dont say you cant. That the number one thing you need to change.

Speaking that outwardly or pondering it in your heart will cause you to believe it.

It is going to be hard. But you have to realize that you brought that baby in the world. Not him. It is up to you to make sure he has everthing he needs. Not just material, but love and attention, ect. I was 15 when I had my first. I had 2 by the time I was your age. I sisnt have my parents. Fortunately I had the father, but as the mother I kept my baby alive....

Its ok that you left. Better now than later. Dont hesitate to ask for help, just remember to do it only when really needed. If you lean on parents, friends too much when things arent all that tough, you may not have the help and support you need when your in real NEED.

Look into community help, groups. Be sure to maintain a regular life. Get a job, use daycare, be independant. You will better about yourself, and your baby will do better with a mom who isnt afraid to work hard. He will respect you for it later...( much later) haha

Im a mom of 5 now. I work full time, went to college. And I divorced my  husband after we had 3 together.

It'll be ok. Stay positive.

Answer 7

I'm not a single mother, but I was a young mother. Just no matter what do not give up! You can't be both mother and father, but you can be a terrific mother.

A support group is a great idea so you can find other mothers in your situation to help you get through.

Answer 8

You need to go file for support/custody/visitation.  You don't need a lawyer to do this.  

You CAN do it.  Be positive, not only for yourself but for your son.  

If you don't work, go apply for benefits.  If you do work but can't afford daycare, still try to go apply for benefits, you may be in the income requirements to receive some help.

Feel free to email me anytime, I'm going thru the same thing (well, kind of - I didn't apply for benefits, but I work in the office that gives those benefits, lol).  I'm a little older than you, but I'll definitely try to give you advice when I can.

Answer 9

The best way to get through is the people around you. If you have no support from either friends or family it is very hard to succeed.

Answer 10

try and find a support group in your area. cont. being positive, and there for your child.

Answer 11

This sounds really difficult.  Stay with your parents or except help of family or friends.  Get a job somwhere (possibly with promotion aspects) and do what YOU think is right for your child.  Dont do this until the child is old enough (3 or 4)  and this means you can put him through school, and really be in his corner no matter what.  This way he will have a good life and you will both be close.  He will work harder aswell when he realizes how much your trying for him.  But as a baby, you need to be with him, seems there is only one parent there

xxxx I hope you do well xxxx

-cade =]