I'm a single mom of a 8 year old and I need some advice?

Question

My son is starting to ask questions about his dad and why he looks different, bleh bleh bleh...

His dad left and I haven't seen him since I was 3 months preg.

I'm Filipina and his dad was dominican. He has asked me why he looks weird (which he doesn't) and where/who is father is. I don't know how to answer him. He goes to a mostly white school and really doesn't have any friends that aren't white so I think he's also having trouble fitting in. HELP!!!

Answer 1

Ok hunni, i am going to be upfront with you - you have the choice to do what you want.

But mostly you have 3 choices.

1. Tell him straight out the truth

2. Tell him parts and tell him he will understand when he gets older.

3. Avoid the topic completley.

I have two daughters Cai Lile and Jai-Li Siobhan - as you can probably see I am british born chinese and my partner Irish, my daughters although they are only 5 and 3 have started noticing that they are different from their mostly white school class. I told them straight out that Mummy and Daddy are both from different places and although you are different you are beautiful. Cai (5) is speaking English and we are teaching her chinese and irish gaelic. Which me and my partner Conor are both fluent in.

So with your son maybe try to get him to understand that there is a whole wide world out there and everyone is different on the outside but the same on the inside (although it sounds really cheesy)

Anyway good luck and if you ever need anything or just wanna chat email me on [e-mail]

All the best

Lian-Li

x

Answer 2

Tell him the truth. He is 8......he needs to know and he can handle it better than not knowing at all.

Answer 3

I would say to be completely honest, but unbiased.  Try to explain the story without instilling hatred for his father.  He is only 8, but he may understand more than you realize.  It may be hard for him to take at first, but the more you talk about it together, the easier it will get.  Open lines of communication are key.

As for him fitting in at school,   assure him that he is no different than any one else.  See if he may be interested in joining clubs or after school programs to help him find friends who share the same interests as him and in the mean time just support him and aventually he will find his way.

Answer 4

I think your son is old enough to be told the truth.....just tell him everything about his dad and what he did.  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

hi,

i'm a single mom too and filipina as well :)

i know its very hard to in this kinda position. but dear u need to tell him now the truth. kids are smart. so i don't see any reason for him not to understand.

my son always look for him father too and the last time he saw his father. he was his just barely turning 3 and now my son his about 8yrs old. everytime he ask me about his father...i don't lie.....i told him that daddy is not coming back anymore...i know his hard esp for his side cz his a boy and needed a father figure and same as your son.

if you need a friend i'm just here :).......good luck

Answer 6

tell him the truth...if you wait he might hate you for it  

Answer 7

try to get a male involved with him one of your own family.  Tell him the truth that you have not seen his father, and dont know where he lives but its very far away and he is unalbe to make contact because its so far and  neither of you know how  right now. Dont go inot detail, just anwer eough to satisfy.  Tell him he is wonderful and you hope someday he can meet his father and you will try to make contact, but you love  him and explain all people are different ethnic groups and depending where you live people look different.  Don t tell him his dad does not want to see him even if it is true.  If there is some reason you believe he will never see him becuz you dont know his name or whatever, you could lie and say he died when you were pregnant.  He does not need to know , he just needs to know he is wanted and loved by you.  If it were me and I knew he would not find out, I would not give him false hope I would just say, something happened to him and you dont know who or where hsi family is or how to contact them.  Less is best