I'm a single mom raising a 12 yr old boy, who doesn't seem to hear a word I say?

Question

My son is not a bad child, but I feel like I am totally ignored sometimes when I'm talking to him. He doesn't take in any thing I tell him.I tried talking, it doesn't work. I fuss, I put him on punishment, but it doesn't affect him at all. I feel like I'm talking to myself. And to make it worse, he has the same personality toward his teachers. Any advice?

Answer 1

welcome to the wonderful world of Teenagers!!!! My daughter is exactly the same way. I feel sometimes like I am going crazy...One thing that works is taking away all the technology. Computer, IPOD, Video Games, TV...That seems to be the only thing that works for me.

Answer 2

I suggest you change whatever it is you're doing, because it is obviously not working.  You must get a handle on this now or it's only going to get harder.  Whatever punishment you are giving isn't severe enough.  Don't ground him for a week or so, ground him indefinitely until  you think he has learned to give you and his teachers the respect you deserve.  He obviously is not afraid of whatever it is you're doing now, so think of something that will make him stop and think.  Stick to your guns.  When you're talking to him, make him look you straight in the eye so he can't say he didn't hear you.  Give him a very short time to do whatever you told him to do and then follow-up on it and MAKE him do it.  He's 12!!  He's a kid!  You're an adult!  Make sure he knows that!  If he's already disrespecting teachers at this age, imagine what he's going to be doing when he gets a little older.  Don't wait until  you get a call from the police saying he's been arrested! Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to sit him down and *make* him listen before he gets to be a teenager and *needs* to listen to you.

How you do that is up to you but I always had mine repeat back to me what I had told them so that they couldn't deny hearing it and also repeat back the consequences for disobeying me which I always followed up on.That should be your starting point and as soon as possible in my opinion.

If you can get someone else to be there while you lay down the rules so much the better - I called in my Mother or sometimes my brothers as back up and they didn't dare not listen to my Mother I can tell you!

Answer 4

First of all, do you listen to HIM?

Don't yell or nag-EVER. They turn it right off. GEt down at his level and Talk WITH him.  Sit with him quietly and tell him that you are going to change tactics. Tell him it is very important that you HEAR EACH OTHER.

You are a team to helop him have the best life possible.

Tell him you are going to try  everything you can to get his attention that this is VITAL to his future.

You don't feel heard, and I bet he doesn't either.

Get him involved in some outside activity-Tai Kwon do or band or auto mechanics. Something where he has to listen to do anything. Something he likes. Something with a GOOD GUY man teacher. Check him OUT.

I would recommend some family counselling. Not because anyone is crazy, but because it is very important that you respect each other, before this gets worse.

Talk to his teachers. Work with them to get his grades up. Insist that he do well in school. Don't let bad grades go unpunished.

To get his attention, I would TAKE absolutely everything out of his room, except: bed, pillow, school books and 5 changes of clothes (for school.) Pack it well in boxes in the garage or store at a friend (of yours.) Take his phone and video games and lock them in the trunk of your car.

No video games, no phone, tv, no bike, no pictures, no posters on the walls, nothing.

Tell him his attention should be focused on SCHOOL. When it IS, you can negotiate for other things.

As he improves, let him go and get a few things back. When he slips up, remove them.

YOU are the momma.  He needs to respect YOU quick. You need to take your role is his future success very seriously. Don't let him bull-doze you. You can do this.

He didn't get like this overnight. But once he figures out you are the boss and he has to listen to you to live, he will.

Be prepared for anger and depression.  Take him to counselling. Give him a PHYSICAL OUTLET for his frustration that he doesn't run the show anymore.(not your face.)

Good luck

Answer 5

I have only one of my three kids that are like that, he doesn't do it anymore and it's because I did the three minute nose on wall thing with him, however, your son is kinda too old for that.  

This is what I do with my 13 year old, I allow her a lot of space and freedom to go and do things with her friends, she has a huge amount of friends, so when  I say her room looks like a HURRICANE hit it, I begin to limit her freedom.  I said Courtney,  you are given a wonderful amount of freedom and you are about to lose a lot of it if I don't start seeing a TOTAL reformation in that room of yours.  She will stay in there with her music on for 3 hours and walk out run down to me all happy DRAGGING me to her room all proud, and that room and closet and under bed are SPOTLESS and all in order!  Could use a vacuum but for the majority of it, it is a huge turn around.  When they have freedom and suddenly lose it, it devistates them.  

She has freedom to go play Tennis when she wants, talk on her phone, sleepovers every weekend at our house, and theres, Mall shopping, movies with friends, and when that freedom has a hault, life is not too fun for her.  She has a high respect for people and knows I don't tolerate bad mouthing or anything like that in my house or anywhere around me.  

She maintains a 4.0 average in school, and thats is the highest she can go here, and this is with advanced courses, and she is rewarded in a very good way for high marks.  She gets a certain amount of money for As not anything else, and 50 dollars for 4.0 average on the entire report card. .  That is not easy to get when your taking advanced courses.  

She is also very active in sports, plays on Tennis team in middle school, plays softball in summer on a very competitive team.  She loves her life and I think that  THAT is the key to being a great kid.  Sit with him and see if there is a sport he wants to try, now is the time to do it.  No one in middle school is too good at ANY SPORT.  This is the time to find that talent and he will meet GREAT freinds that focus in school and have good manners.  A sport can make all the difference and it costs you maybe 30 to 40 dollars for the whole season, for the uniform.  Get him started now and his self esteem will FLY!  His behavior will become more enjoyable and he will only learn respect if you put that in him.  Teach him Values on life now and when he is older and your not there, all we as parents can hope for is that your words come to mind when they have to make decisions  that can have scary outcomes.  '

He sounds like a normal boy though, my boys are like that, I talk and it's like there this meteor sized hole in their ears! and nothing is sticking, so I think your fine and he just needs a little one on one time with Mom.  Boys are just so simple, they hear it but just don't respond too quickly and need reminding a lot or they lose a little freedom.  You really do sound like a great Mom though so I wouldn't worry too much, but do keep a close bond with him, especially in the next year, 7th grade they sometimes go into a quiet shell and block you out, don't let that happen, be his confidant now and he will always come to you when he is scared about something or nervous about girls.  Sports can make a WORLD of difference though, it does keep their minds occupied in a very healthy way. Good Luck  :D

Answer 6

whoop his *** dont be afraid to enfore things that way.it helps.

youve done all you can. do what next DO WHAT BEST.

not listening could seriously him hurt.

not respecting authority teachers YOU ESPECIALLY BEING A SINGLE MA (MOM)

is a biiiiggg nnoo nooo get to him before the streets get to him get to him now

he is yours.

yours yours.

you work to feed him, provide for him.

when his *** feeds and takes care of himself he then has to right to keep walking but even then acknowledge you and RESPECT THIS SHOW HE HAS NOT RESPECT FOR YOU.

WHAT YOUVE DONE

AND YOUR PLACE AND STRUGGLE AS A SINGLE MOTHER..

PUT SOME HEAT BEHIND HIS ***.

PUT SOME BEHIND HIM AS HE KEEPS WALKING

THAT LACK OF HEARING WILL BECOME PERFECT

THAT WALK WILL BECOME A RUN

THAT RESPECT WILL PROPOSE YES MAM AND POSSIBLY A SORRY

YOURE NOT DEMANDING RESPECT.

YOURE HIM DEMAND YOU.

GOODLUCK..

instant message me sometimes. if you want. one to another

sweet_stuff516

Answer 7

make the punishment more severe. try paddling his butt one time and see how he likes that. yeah you may think hes too old for that, but it will probably work. take away more of his luxeries then what you have been. take away everything at once, if he as a tv or anything like that in his room, put it i your closet. dont let him have ANY tv, games, or anything like that for a month and when he gets lippy about it, spank him. yeah this punishment is harsh, but he will learn. you have to be the parent and not be so soft

Answer 8

DOES HE HAVE A CELL PHONE...TAKE IT AWAY!!

DOES HE HAVE VIDEO GAMES....TAKE THEM AWAY

DO YOU GIVE HIM SPENDING MONEY....CUT HIM OFF

DOES HE HAVE INTERNET ACCESS....REMOVE IT

ANY OTHER PRIVILEGES HE HAS?...TAKE THEM TILL HE LISTENS TO YOU!

I just had a huge argument with my 13 year old daughter. I took her phone...she really hates that. Then she still decided to be defiant so I took away the internet. She claimed she didn't care. Then she was still defiant and wouldn't respect me so to make a long story short....last  I took the door away from her room to take away the privilege of privacy. She still claimed she didn't care but soon her tone changed and now she is behaving with respect toward me. I will let her have her door back after I see at least 2-3 days worth of earning it back. Then she will get her phone back and the internet if she continues to treat me with respect just as I deserve. I work hard to make my kids happy and will not tolerate them being disrespectful toward us parents or other grown ups (with a couple of exceptions because some adults do not deserve respect).

Taking away privileges seems to work for us! It's essentially a power struggle and I am not about to be the looser for HER SAKE! Letting your son get away with this will cause more problems as he gets older then you ever wished for. Whatever causes him to do this...demand his respect and take away privileges until he cares about what you have to say.

Could there be other issues that make him behave like this like with school, friends or not having his father there? Maybe he will open up and tell you why he is being like this and it can be solved with a good long talk. Boys are more quiet I think and maybe hormones are a big part but still...he needs to respect what you have to say.

It's not easy raising teenagers and I can only imagine how hard it is as a single Mom.BUT YOU CAN DO IT!!! Best Luck and wishes for lots of perseverance to you!

Answer 9

Talk less. Look him straight in his eyes while you talk and try to use as little words as possible.

Answer 10

well i am 13 and i ignore my mom she does the same thing you must lay down the law take his tv phone ipod whatever he has you need to take it this might effect him or if his room is messy throw stuff away he just might listen this is what my mom does

Answer 11

Hiya.

I'm also a single mum, with 2 boys ages 8 and 4.

Sometimes i feel exactly the same as you, like i am talking to a brick wall!

Sorry i cant really help, but just wanted to say that you are not alone!

OH, have you thought this may just be his hormones,? this is the typical hormonal age for boys....good luck!!

Answer 12

If he just keeps going "Yup, mhm, ok" (this is NOT an insult, this works, my friend did it to me before and it proved I was listening to him) say "You're dumb" and see what he does. If he says yes or one of the latter responses, say his name loud.