I'm a socially inept 30-year-old loner whos had a successful job at gas station have nice apartment etc but..?

Question

I'm depressed and hurt alot about the fact that I was born inept and different from others and will never have a girlfriend, or even get married and have kids (it looks that way anyway. I lost all my friends after high school and throughout college I was a confidence-lacking introvert). Also I don't see how "confidence" and "self-esteem change" is the cure because what can make me confident to talk to people when it is when I talk to people that I feel embarassed and awkward about how I look. I rarely give eye contact due to my problematic social ineptitude and that's just my problem. I'm just inept. And that's what I am, I am what I am and so I've been able to get on with that. In other words, I have been a loner for a long time and I've gotten on, but it's like loosing someone. I lost myself and who I could have been, so therefore it is still tough but one has to move on. So...how can I stop my self-angst when reflecting on everyone else? I will never find Love. I'll never find that special person etc and I'll basically be living alone all my life and have this incredibly dull life 'til I die...how can I cope ppl?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear that your life is basically boring. This is what I've found to be true. The more you focus your attention on others, the less time you'll focus on yourself. Ask people questions? There is a saying that the best conversationalists are the best listeners. What you have to do is write out some open-ended questions (that can't be answered by a "yes" or "no"), and that allows them to talk about a subject.

Ask them how their holiday was, Oh, they haven't gone yet. Then ask, "Do you have any big plans or just kicking around the house?" Don't ask questions that are too personal or you'll turn people off.

There are loads of books in libraries and bookstores on starting conversations, and learning social skills.

Good luck. Your life will change once you've learned a few skills.

Another great way to meet people is to join a club or take a class that interests you. You'll meet others who have the same likes as you. You'll already have some common ground.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you are hurting. The Lord cares so much for you and loves you uncondionally  and wants to be your very best friend. He will also bring people into your life who will love you the way you are. I will pray for you. He doesn't want you to be lonely and depressed. He can turn your situation around and help you to help others that suffer the same feelings as you. You can have Victory in your life!

Answer 3

I think you should see a good therapist, it really sounds like you need it. One that can help you. It's very difficult for you to live like that. I hope you manage to solve your issues.

Answer 4

It's been my experience that if you want change to come into your life, you have to be the one that brings it. Calling yourself names will never solve your problems. And using the word "never" won't open you up to the possibilities of breaking out of your "ineptness". We are inept because we look at out failures and don't use them as a learning experience. We think of our failures as personal judgments. You can make a choice right now, to continue thinking that you'll never experience life at its fullest, or you can change the routines of your life, and add something new to it. Volunteer in a community organization. While it's true that as long as you deal with people, you'll always have some kind of conflict, you'll also open yourself up to the joys of seeing someone be changed because of your efforts. Call up your local Chamber of Commerce and ask them for a list of volunteer organizations. Get involved. Put yourself out there. While there are no guarantees that all of your experiences will be good, but at least you'll be out there, doing something meaningful to you and to someone else. One person can make a difference. I was a lot like you at one time. All my relationships led nowhere. It took one person, seeing something in me that I didn't see, to change how I saw myself. I saw myself as someone no one wanted, and incapable of being loved. One person saw through all of what I thought, and saw something more. It took me a long time to realize that I was capable of being loved, and I opened up my heart. I ended up marrying this person, and will be celebrating 31 years of marriage. Has it been without pain? No. Pain comes after having loved something. Pain shows you're living. Without pain, how can you even reach out to someone and even slightly understand what they're going through? It's because of the pain I've went through that I can come to you now and try to help you. It's do-able, 'cause I've done it. You can rise above what you think of yourself. The thing is, do you want to? It's been my experience that many people want all the good stuff that goes with a changed life, but don't want to do the work to get there. Yes, it will take effort, and maybe a lot of time. But it's the only way to get what you want. You can sit in the corner and go "Waaah waaah, no one loves me", or you can step out and add new things & experiences to your life. No, I'm not trying to make fun of you. Sometimes you have to get real with your feelings, and stop giving them the food that they've been thriving on. Stop looking at yourself as a victim of your circumstances. I'm inept at cooking noodles. I have little success at cooking them right. They're either over done or under done. I hate cooking noodles. Have I stopped cooking noodles? No. My husband likes noodles, so I keep trying, occasionally being successful. I wouldn't be successful if I stopped cooking noodles. What does noodles have to do with you? I think you see the picture, right? I'm not just telling you to "have more confidence" and "have more self-esteem". Many people don't know how to make that happen, so to make these kinds of suggestion isn't really helpful. They already know they need it, but don't know the first step. The first step is to go where the people are. SInce your problem is a lack of friends, activities, and love, you need to go where you can find these things. Break your cycle of routine and get involved in something helpful. By putting yourself out there, you'll help yourself and others too. Everyone wins. Give it a try. It's the only way to get a little more life out of life. <*)))><

Answer 5

You are sooo not alone! Sound's like you're just in a big rut, and we all get into those.  

Thing is, the skills and experiences which will lead to a fulfilling life are well within your reach! You are not old and life has not passed you by!! At 30 years of age, it sounds like you're right in the sweet spot of it all, when so many men come to the frustrating conclusion that the way they've been living their lives is simply not working for them, and that they must do something NOW to change it.

Okay, first off, you may want to consider talking with a counselor/psychologist to address the pain and depression. They need to be dealt with right away, and talking with someone who understands your situation from a clinical perspective, and who can put together some actions steps to get your feet moving in the right direction, will make a huge difference.

Secondly, address your situation with women. I've listed some resources below that are well worth the time and investment, whenever you are ready to pursue them. These are incredibly useful resources, and when applied have the potential to set your life in positive and powerful new directions. Work with them repeatedly to replace old worn-out belief structures with new and empowering ones.

There's a saying: "If you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same results." Try making some changes in your life, moving gradually, but consistently. Here's another groovy saying: "Life is hard by the yard, but by the inch life's a cinch." Take one step, then another, and applaud yourself on each step you take.

Try this: Every evening before bed, and in the morning upon awakening, speak out loud 20 things that you are grateful/thankful for. They can be anything! Also, identify the things in life that you are good at, that you excel at, and start emphasizing these things on a daily basis.

I would guess that you might not be giving yourself enough credit for all the positive attributes you possess, and I'll bet you have many! Hey, if you can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and you're nice to cats and they like you back, then those are positive qualities and that's something to be thankful for!

We all need to pat ourselves on the back once in a while.