I'm a stay at home mom w/2 children, what is my purpose in life?

Question

My oldest is 5 1/2 and starting Kindergarten and I have a 2 yr old. I feel restless, I think I would like to go back to work, but part of me feels guilty that my 2 yr old will not recv. the same benefits as the older one did. My husband travels alot, so I basically am a single parent anyway. I feel incomplete, like something is missing from my life. When I had my first child, I struggled making the initial decision to stay home. Ultimately, I chose to stay home because we didn't have any family or close friends to watch our baby. I don't regret my decision, I just feel like I need to live for me now, do something for me. I've always worked, since I was 17. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

I'd say make a plan. Three years or so until the 2 year old is in school. Maybe less. There are early childhood programs many places. Think about what you might want to do and fill some time getting ready. And, until then, consider working in day care or early childhood programs yourself. I know. More kids, but it's different working there, and you might be able to keep the young child with you.  

Answer 2

by the time your child is 2 or 3 it is good for them to get into a social environment (re: daycare). Find something part time and find someone who can watch your child with good credentials. By saying you need to live for you simply means that you want more fullfillment. Being a mother can be very draining on us and once they start getting older the rewards seem to get fewer. We make better Moms when we can get out and work, if that is what we want.  

Answer 3

There is no need for you to feel guilty about anything. Sounds like you're a good mom. If this is what you desire to do, then go for it...you may regret it later if you don't. Goals that are unfulfilled tend to make us feel that we've missed out on important matters. Your children will be alright and you will be a much happier mommy. You can do it...

Answer 4

i did the something my oldies is going to be 7 on dec. 31, and my youngest is going to  be 4 on aug. 26, and my husband watches them now when i am at work.

Answer 5

Your purpose in life is what you make it. Some of us women were meant to be mommies while some of us were meant to do other things with our lives. It doesn't mean that you love your children any less, it just means that everyone would be better off if you were to be you.  

Answer 6

you need ot do what you think is best for you, you feel like you want to go back to work then go for it.  care for yourself!!

Answer 7

Work part time of join a club

Answer 8

When your children are 18 then you live for yourself.  And even then you still don't because they are the most important thing in your life.

Linda

Answer 9

I worked until my oldest was three, then the guilt got to me.  It's only been  months but i know how you feel.  I was in the army while i had my boys and i really didn't get to spend quality time with them, i felt like the daycare teachers knew them better then i did.  My husband is still in the army so i feel like a single parent sometimes too.  For now i'm starting to take up new hobbies and i'm planning on going to school for a few hours a week soon.  I think if you find a good daycare it wouldn't hurt to get a part time job just to benefit yourself.  Plus your younger child will get to interact with more children and possibly develop some good social skills.

Answer 10

boy I understand. I felt this way when my kids were young as well. You need to do something for you, to make you feel worthwile. Your purpose right now IS to be a mother to your children. BUT you can do things with the baby that help you FEEL better about yourself. What I did was take up a fun worthwhile hobby,  I joined a gym that had day care so my baby was watched while I did my work outs. I also volentered in my older daughters school in the cafitera and helped with clean up and then recess that followed lunch, having the baby with me the whole time too. same ages as yours are now. I was at the school 2 or 3 days a week, and then I used the stroller and walked the foot path around the play ground afterwards for my "work out".  just some thoughts, this was worked for me to feel like a worthwhile human being .. I admit, for a long time, I had many thoughts of my being "lost" and had no idea who I was , other than Mom... at one point someone asked my name and I had to actually stop and think because I had heard nothing but MOM for so long, my then husband (now EX) never ever used my name, he would just ask questions or bark orders, I never heard my name. anyhow. I feel for you and hope you find what you need ...  

Answer 11

Your job is raising your children, period. Enough with the feminist garbage about how you need to do what you want 'for you.' You chose to have children. Nobody made you do it. If you wanted children (which you clearly did) then it's your responsibility to take care of them. It's not a daycare's job. People don't have the right to produce offspring and then expect someone else to raise them. It's not how decent people are and your child will grow up realizing that you wanted a job more than you wanted to be there for him/her. It doesn't mean you can never work, but not while they are young and need their mother. You don't 'live for you now.' You live for your children. If you can't understand that, you made a mistake in having them.

Answer 12

My sister-in-law had two twin boys. Her husband took a year off of work as a lawyer to care for them... while she worked as a teacher.

They just had a baby girl.. so now they have a babygirl 2 weeks old and 3 y.o. twin boys... they found a great childcare place and they both work.

You could have your child in kindergarten... and then put your other child into half day care.. you could work part time doing something you like.. and then be at-home-mom the other half. :)

Don't worry you'll be fine. As soon as they're both in school fulltime it will be much better.  

Answer 13

I ask the Lord one day what was I suppose to do . He said what have you always wanted to do. I said I always just wanted to take care of my family.

My children are all grown but I  take care of my grand daughter and other children. That's where I'm the happiest.

You are lonesome for your husband and he needs to come home and help you raise the children together. Don't let money be a factor in this. God bless you.

Answer 14

Well get a job 2 or 3 days a week, so you still have the best of both.

You're lucky to be in the boat you are in.  You can make anything of yourself and do anything you want.  So take charge of your life and do something.  Just don't forget that you have responsibilities to your children and you should never put them second.

Frankly you are free to enjoy yourself with other moms, spend days at the beach, catch movies, have lunches...why would you want to give that all UP????  Nuh uh.

I work from home, make a great living, work my own hours, I'm here for the kids, I volunteer at school, go on trips, go out with the moms on women's night out and just get together after school at one place or another...there aren't enough hours in the day for all I have to do.  The last thing I want is to get back to the rat race.  Been there done that, and life passes too quickly to miss out on it.  Working is not living.  It's a necessity, but it's not life.

Being all tangled up in the world might be for some, but I know what my purpose is, and I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Answer 15

I know how you feel & thats why I've decided to go back to school! I have 4 kids & the youngest is 3 months old - but I'm going crazy staying at home with the kids all day! Find something that is just about you- if you want to work -just work part-time or take a class something to get out of the house for a little while!

Answer 16

If you want to go back to work, than get your kids in day care and do it! If it seems like too much, look for a part-time job. Staying home with your kids most definitely doesn't mean you don't have a purpose in life though! If you are a stay-at-home mom your job is raising your kids. You are teaching them, caring for them, playing with them, not to mention all of the things you end up doing in addition to kids. It's your choice what to do, but if you do decide to stay home.....don't think it is for nothing.

Answer 17

Looks like you are doing something for you.  You are raising two precious people in your life.  You are taking care of them.  You will be there when your child gets off the bus.  You are there for quality time with the youngest.  Most women ask themselves that question of what am I here for.  Well,  look around you.  How do you know this is not your calling?  Being a wife and mother?  Those are very important jobs.  How would you be able to function under the stress of a job, juggling day care and school functions?  These are the years of importance for them as this is when their personalities are developing and they are growing.  If you go back to work, you will miss out on so much of their lives.

Answer 18

I totally understand your feelings, and you are right to want to give your 2 yr old the same benefits of having her mommy at home that your 5 1/2 yr old did. I think right now that is your BIGGEST purpose in life. How lucky those little girls are that their mom was there to raise them. So many kids are shoved off to day care.

That being said, you are still restless. You need to talk to your husband about creating some time for yourself. You are a mom and wife and you have responsibilities, but you need to give yourself time too so you don't burn out. He should help you create time in your schedules where you can go out with friends, work part time, volunteer, whatever it may be.

In 3 yrs your youngest will be in school and you can work or do whatever. But I totally admire you for staying home with your girls now. Not many people do it, but isn't that what being a parent is all about? Parenting... not shipping the kids do day care.

Answer 19

I totally understand what your going thru---I ended up going back to work ( or I would have gone crazy!!) but I worked at a daycare where I could take my son to work with me---it wasn't my ideal job or anything (I was an asst director--which is like an asst manager)---once the youngest went to school I found a job that was more rewarding to me... hope this helps! best of luck~~

Answer 20

ur purpose is to raise ur kids to be law abiding citizens thats huge responsibility.. put all ur energy into this... go out with friends to help relieve the strain from being trapped indoors all the time.. take the kids to the zoo with other families  

Answer 21

Are you hot?

Answer 22

Wait till both kids are in school to go back to work if you can.  Once those early years are gone, you can never get them back and they will grow up sooooo fast.

If you need to, you can put the little shaver in day care for a couple of hours a few times a week and do some volunteer work.  If you have an area of interest, volunteering is a good way to get back into the work world again and it could lead to a future job.

Or volunteer at the oldest's school.  Seems like schools are looking for help all over the country these days.

Answer 23

being the primary care taker of two children is the highest calling a woman can have..so important to mold and shape a child's life

college..maybe take a course per semester..

Answer 24

The most important thing in life in the long run is the raising of children. If that was done poorly then society will break down to anarchy.

However, it can be done with some work. Start part time and increase as time goes. My mon did it, I did it and you can do it also. The children will be o.k.

It should be noted that year ODs do better in school later with preschool.

Answer 25

    Your purpose in life is to raise your children.  Be there for them and instill in them the morals and values that are important to you.  You will be hard pressed to find employment that accommodates your children's schedules and makes enough money to cover day care.  If you feel unfulfilled, there are several options.  I am a big fan of volunteer work.  Nothing is more mentally stimulating or soulfully satisfying.  If that doesn't work for you, then try some stay at home work.  There are lots of Internet based jobs that you can make work for your schedule.  Raising children is a full time job.  Don't let anyone tell you any different.  If you go back through our history, you will find that the problems with youth- crime, teen pregnancy, illegal drug use- all took a major upswing when women decided to abandon their families and get jobs outside the home.  This is also when the divorce rate sky rocketed.  Gloria Steinem should be so proud!

Answer 26

First off, you are serving an amazing purpose by giving your children the comfort and stability of knowing that you are there for them.  Don't discount the good that you are doing there for a second.  If I could be home with my children I would do it in a heartbeat.  If you really want to do something outside the home, perhaps you could place your younger son in a mom's day out program 2-3 days a week.  You could use the extra time to volunteer for a cause that means a lot to you.  I've found volunteering to be quite rewarding.  Another option that would give you added income would be to begin sitting one or two children whose mothers are working.  Really, it's up to you.  But, please don't ever think that what you're doing now is meaningless.

Answer 27

start up MMORPG Gaming

Answer 28

You have purpose in life. Right now it is to develop your children. They need you. I wish more moms would stay home. I think this country would be better if our young adults weren't raised by day care centers.

Answer 29

You need to recharge yourself so you feel complete. Your children or your husband should never define you. Your job should not define you either.

Join a gym and start meeting people.

Join a group in your area or volunteer at your son's school.

Take your youngest to an hourly day care once or twice a week or a mom's day out and do things for yourself. Start your own business or get a part time job. Your 2 year old will deal with whatever you throw to him. It is your guilt not his that prevents you from getting a job.  

Answer 30

oh that's real swell of you.  go to work and well basically let your kids be without BOTH parents.  my thought is you shouldnt have had children

Answer 31

To be a good mom more so because of dad's presense not there. You are supposed to be the hero. IT is frustrating so work part-time later when they are alittle older.

Life sucks for a friend who has ended up wih a travelling husband. His home and family is actually the hotel (rarely home). The hotel is home.

Have patience for some more time and then u can work part-time. You have no choice anyway so stop the frustration within you by yourself. No can stop it for you.