I'm a stressed out mom i need help?

Question

all i need is a little advice please. I'm the mother to a 1 year old boy and lately i have been SO stressed out i feel like I'm the worst mother and he hates me. i have found my self yelling at him WAY to much and i know that i shouldn't and i don't want to yell cause i hate when people yell and as a child i got yelled at a lot and i didn't like it at all. i try not to its just what happens. i know that he is a toddler and he doesn't mean to do things wrong but he KNOWS a lot of the things he does is wrong because he has been told MANY times. i just dont know what to do any more im a SAHM and feel like im about to loose it. all i want is to give him the best and i feel like im failing already

thanks for listening and the advice.

Answer 1

I'm not a SAHM, I'm actually a dad, but my wife was a SAHM for a while and delt with the same situation.  She would yell and our children all the time just because she was stressed out.  She found it best to distract the child.  If he is doing something he shouldn't be then you could show him how to do what he is doing in a way that makes it alright.  Or just distract him by doing something totally different with him, as long as it is fun for him.  

Being a parent is a huge job, I find that in order to keep my children happy I often have to put what I am doing aside too keep my kids entertained and safe.  I hope this helps.  I know that it did for us.

Answer 2

it sounds like you need a break from him maybe just the afternoon or go out to eat after your husband comes home. or maybe a mothers group or a play group in your area to keep him occupied for a little while just so you can relax.. i hope this help but also stay firm this is an age where they try your patience.  

Answer 3

You msut have patients when you have a toddler..My son is 16 months now, and he can get wild at times! LOL

Before him, I did not have patients. I have lost it a couple of times with my son, and like you, this made me feel horrible. My son is always knocking things over, breaking stuff, spilling, smacking me, crying or whining. You have to take out your frustration in another way. Rather then yelling, this is what I do.

Say for example, I'm cooking and my son is grabbing at my feet and whining, instead of yelling (which just makes him cry) I will pick him up, kiss him, tickle him, jump around with him for 3 or 4 mins, just do something right away that takes your mind off yelling. I know this might sound weird at first, but it helps.

I hardly ever yell at my son anymore. If he annoys me horribly, I will pick him up and put right in his crib. I don't say anything to him at all. This gets him out of my hair, and he doesn't have to hear me yell. YOu don't want your son growing up with you yelling. You can do it, hang in there and try different alternatives, no matter how odd they may seem.

Answer 4

If they only had a handbook for moms right?

I know its not easy being a mom and you learn while your going. Its very easy to judge and say yea your doing something wrong, but who is to tell you whats right and wrong.

I think you might need a little break throught the day. You don't have to raise your voice to get your point across. As long as you are persistant in your decisions everything will come out fine.

Answer 5

I think you need to look at it as anything where you would want to learn a new skill, or where something thats important to you doesnt come naturally,  And no matter what people say, I think to be a great parent, it typically doesnt just come to you.  Posting here is a good start.  

But for instance, when I wanted to learn how to do cake decorating - my kids 1st birthday cake was a mess -  I took a class, got a book from the library, advice from experts at Michaels, etc.  And parenting is far more important then cake decorating.

Some good books are Positive Parenting, by a Kazdin, Kaskin?  

The Happiest Baby on the Block.  Dr. Karp.  There's also a toddler one.  And DVDs too.  Netflix even has em.  Besides swaddling and such, these books are great for communication and discipline.

Another one is Raise a Smarter Child by Kindergarten - by a Perlmutter.  This one has good activities for learning from age 0-5.

Answer 6

I think u need to give yourself a little break. It can be very stressful to raise a child. My best advice would be to step out of the situation a bit. If u feel yourself getting ready to yell walk away until u calm down. Its better to leave him alone (as long as he's in no danger of course) and let yourself calm down than to over react and damage him emotionally. I'm sure u r not a bad mother bc if u were u wouldn't be asking for help. Don't be afraid to see if friends or family can help u. If u don't have a support system call 211. They can get u together with any help u may need. U might even try to find a group of moms with kids around his age to set up playdates. That will give your son someone to play with and u a little break.

Answer 7

I am also a SAHM and it can be so hard and overwhelming sometimes.  I find that getting out with my son helps.  We have a childrens museum near by and lots of parks so he gets energy out and enjoys himself.  I get a change of scenery.  I think giving your son a break out of the house might help and also try and take sometime alone for yourself.  Hang it there!

Answer 8

you need to get some time to yourself....relaxing time not errand time...take time to read a book or go to the beach, maybe exercise. the more joys you find outside of your child, the more you will find with your child. i have a very hard time relaxing in difficult situations but i realized doing other things helps distract you from them long enough where when you go back its enjoyable again.

Answer 9

Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you're not failing and of course he doesn't hate you.  Sounds like maybe you just need a break?  Do you have a partner that is supportive and helpful?  You are aware of your actions and you just have to set your mind so that you don't yell as much.

Try to find a couple minutes of peace every day. I don't mean time to do laundry or pay bills while he's napping- actual time for you!  Even if it's enjoying an iced tea on the back porch.

Maybe it'll help you to be the supermom you can be!  Good luck!

Answer 10

You do sound at the end of your rope, but first, he is too young to have self control yet. He may know something is a nono but he can not stop himself yet. So that may help a bit. All parents hear is negative input from everyone they meet, and it's the job we want to do perfect, so it does wear away at the self esteem. stop listening to those people. Everyone does things well, everyone screws up. So don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you're alone in this, so have you tried finding mommy baby groups? A playgroup? I found both of those VERY helpful for me. He does not hate you. You're his whole world. He loves you no matter what, which makes it hard for you when you get grumpy. What I do is get as far away as possible from him and scream my face off into a pillow, that way I scream, and he isn't traumatised. Remembering that he is learning helps me to calm down. He doesn't know any better.

I was thinking more, and when I have the urge to leave him somewhere to be raised by monkeys, I try to recognize that feeling quickly. Then because a smiling baby increasing some feel good hormone, I distract him by saying oh you better run, and I chase him (playfully). I tickle him for a few seconds. I play spank  (GENTLY patting his bum while saying "pank pank pank"). Anything physical that makes my Monkey laugh, helps me.

I was cleaning every time he went to sleep, but I was just more exhausted and in need of a break. So I learned to just let it go. I have hired a young kid to come play with my son periodically, while I do things around the house I want to do. It's great. I'm here, and yet so free...

I realized I had choices, so I give myself a choice every time I think I'm in need of a rubber room. ie"I can freak out over Monk opening the sliding door (a fave), or I can find a way to keep him away from it." I moved the couch in front. Stress gone. These things helped me to calm down. I thought if I told you what works well for me, it might help you find your sanity makers.

Answer 11

my advice;

stop worrying about failing and being a bad mother. youre not failing and youre not a bad mother.

that is what is stressing you out. dont worry about making mistakes, dont try and be the perfect parent. just relax! when you feel you are about to yell, just hold your breath, turn away and count to 10, then deal with the situation. he is only 1, he doesnt remember everything you tell him.  

Answer 12

Everyone is right, first you need to arrange to take some time out for yourself and just R-E-L-A-X. Try to get your son to spend the weekend at a family member's house so you can have time to get your mind together. When that's done and you're with your son, try and take a different approach. Before you scream at him when he does something wrong, think about how you use to feel when your parents would scream at you. It might take a little work but don't give up.

Make sure you take disciplinary actions like taking away something when your son misbehaves but think about if it's really worth it to lose your cool over simple stuff. Life is too short and I am sure you are a great mom. Just make sure you give him hugs and kisses and explain to him that there are consequences for his actions which is why you are taking away his toy, etc.

Good luck and be easier on yourself.

Answer 13

I am a mother of four so I know how it gets once in a while. Try taking some time for yourself too. I have a girls night out every few months. We go out have fun and then when I get home I feel refreshed and can handle all the stress that comes with being a mom.