I'm adopted, and I want to find out who my birth mom is?

Question

When I was 7 my Mom and Dad told me that I was adopted, I was always perfectly happy with this and it never really entered my mind, it was just the norm. However as I've been getting older, I've been starting to question my real parentage. I'm 16 now and I really want to find out who my real Mom is. Not nessacerily meet her, just find out who she is. How do I go about doing this? I've just got so many unanswered questions. I think one day I'd like to meet her, but for the moment I'd be happy just seeing a photograph or finding out her name. So, please, how do go about finding out who my Mom is?

Answer 1

ow ur birth momm i was apdopted too

Answer 2

Hiya Amber,

I'm sorry your getting a heap of invalidating answers.

You have every right to question your own adoption - and try to find out where you came from.

I ALWAYS wanted to know - but wasn't allowed to.

I tried to talk to my a-mum, but she would always get this painful look on her face - so I shut up quickly.

You can't officially search until you're 18 - but there are ways of getting your name out there - and starting the search now.

Here's what I usually advise peeps - for a start -

Add your details to the registries here - or if there is an age restriction to post - at least search around for anything matching you date of birth -  

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information on your state records here -

http://adopteerights.net/

(click on the page marked 'Searchers' down the left hand side)

Check here for search help - and links to FREE search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found - (there is a 'teen' board)

http://www.adultadoptees.org/

All the very best with your search.

Answer 3

Ask your parents.  If it was an open adoption, which if it was in the 90s and in America it probably was, it should be quite easy to find your birthmother.

Good luck!  :-)

Answer 4

I dont know her because im in another country but ill make u happy sometimes all of us dont like the truth there are cerain reasons hey adopted you its like u were vanished to ur rue side but try to fight challenges just go tell the truth to he police tell ur ur Not true mom who was ur  Mom and why did they left u but try to face it by just ignoring it my classmate never found her true parents shed just ignore it she even havnt find out she was adopted try facing it all even if i dont know ur mom try to fight it i hope u ll be ok know i wish by the time u find them they ll take care of you!;D

ur gettin answers from a philipine girl!

Answer 5

I am adopted too so I understand how sometime you begin looking for genetic links that you don't know about.

I never found my birth parents, and now I have pretty much left that in the past. I love my adoptive parents and to everyone else (wife, friends, etc.) my relationship with them seems the same, if not better than a non-adoptive household.

Having an idea of medical history is one of the few, pragmatic reasons for wanting more information about you birth parents.  I always loath that part of a medical exam!

Some adoptees go looking for some connection with their birth parents or maybe a discussion about what the circumstances were to lead to the adoption.  I suggest these topics be avoided.  You are always warned that your birth parents, if found, may not want to meet with you; It's a two way street after all!

There are many on-line services which offer assistance.  Beware as many ask for money and other things upfront.  In addition, you have to divulge a lot of personal information which, it these days of identity theft, may be risky.

Try these links:

genealogy.about.com/cs/adoption/a/adop...

www.omnitrace.com/birth-family.html

www.birthparentfinder.com

Answer 6

Much depends on where you live.  In most states, those records are sealed and you won't be able to access them.  There are still avenues to try, however.

Since you aren't 18, the only real option I think you have is to talk to your adoptive parents and ask them if they have any information.  If you aren't comfortable doing that, then you probably have to wait until you are 18.  (If they don't know, but are willing to help, then they can do a few things on your behalf.

I wish you luck.  You are not alone in feeling this way.

Answer 7

I would talk to your parents about it, they are more than likely expecting you will ask one day, they may have the information or something to lead you in the right direction. Explain it just as you have here and they will understand.

Answer 8

hi,

i know what your going through.

i was adopted when i was 7months old and was told from a very yong age.

when i was 17 (im 18 now) i wanted to know about my real parents etc etc.

anyways i just randomly 4t i would look on genesreunited,i came across someone with me in their family tree :S i thought and thought about it and came to the decision to email them..he contacted me back and told me he was my uncle.

Anyway i asked a few questions and he told me some answers but i found out he was lying to me (as my adoptive mum knew my real mum and dad so they knew about everything).

Since then i have been contacted by my rea sister,brother and some cousins..it hasnt worked out well at all :-( due to them all telling me different things and my adoptive mum and dad telling me everything they knew.

Anyway now i am extremly depressed and confused about my whole life and i am on depression pills.

If you want to talk 2 me about anything then please do email me i would be happy to help you.

JUST REMEMBER THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHERSIDE!!

(my email is [e-mail] you can add me on msn if you like)

xx

Answer 9

Ask your adoptive parents what they know and see if you have somewhere to start.

If not, try some websites.

But firstly,

Step 1. Understand that the search for biological parents is difficult emotionally, psychologically and possibly physically. Depending on the circumstances surrounding your adoption and the support you have from family and friends, locating biological parents is a challenge.

Step2 - Find out the names of your biological parents. Locate your birth certificate to see if your biological parents are listed. Contact the hospital where you were born for any information they can offer. Speak with the adoption agency that handled your case. If the case worker is still there, she may be able to offer details of the adoption. Talk with your adoptive parents. If they are open to the idea of finding your biological parents, they can furnish information.

Step3 - Contact the government at the local, state and federal levels. Ask for an original certificate of birth (before the adoptive parent names were added), the petition of adoption and the adoption decree. These documents could have the names of your biological parents.

Step4 - Ask the adoption agency to give you non-identifying information about your biological parents that you can use to find them. Non-identifying information may include: medical history, ethnicity, religious background, education, professional life and physical attributes. This information, coupled with the names of your biological parents can narrow down the people who could be your parents.

Step5 - Locate support groups for adoptees. People in your similar situation might have good tips for locating biological parents.

Step6 -  Search your state adoption registry. This searchable information might list the names of your biological parents and other relevant information. Add yourself to the list in case your biological parents are searching for you.

Good luck xx

Answer 10

first find out where you were borne and at which hodpital.identify your adopted mother's closest relative and try to find out from them .failing anything else advertise in the news paper

Answer 11

i would talk to your parents about it. i know they probably dont like the subject and feel touchy about it because they probably see you as their kid and not the child taht your mom gave u up as. but if you can kindly sit them down and tell them thatt you need to know  and that you are old enough maybe they will give you a little more information to ease your curiosity.  you might be able to find access to your old birthcertificate (if you werent adopted at birth) and find her name or you might be able to go to the hall of records in your county and ask them to see your file but i think you have to be 18 for that...

Answer 12

well i would go to the orphanage you come from ask your nice parents were it was and when your older go there and it will have records of who dropped you off and ask them to see it and if they say no tell them they were your birth parents and that you want to find them and if they give you the recorders they will have her name her last name and maybe her phone number anyway go to my-space and put in her name and see if she has a account if that dousint work search her name on a nother website maybe google will work theres a lot of things you can do to find her and i think the best way to find them is step by step gather all the info you can and work your way up

Answer 13

well you can check on websites and see if you find them or you can ask your foster parents. i know how it feels to be without a parent and it hurts but no matter what they will always love you.

Answer 14

legitimate curiosity... but just be careful ... some revelations sometimes can be very disruptive or perturbing

Answer 15

Hi Amber,

Please listen to PhilM and Possum, they are two very informed adoptees on this site.

Don't listen to old fashioned mom, she can bite me!  Anyone else who warns you about finding your first mother can stuff it too.  You have every right to find out who your first mother is.  These feelings you are expressing are very normal.  You can't assume anything until you meet her.  She could end up being an awesome, loving and supportive person in your life.

Good Luck in your search, I wish you the best:)

Answer 16

Why bother?  She couldn't be bothered to stick around and raise you, so why the quest to find your 'real' mom?

How ungrateful to your parents, just be happy with what you have and count the blessings God gave you.