I'm afraid...and I don't know what to do?

Question

So my bf asked me to marry him last night. I feel terrible now!!! I couldn't hold it in so I just ran out of the room crying.....i didn't know what to say. he was just so sweet and I have always been afriad of commitment. I'm just afraid that every things gonna end up like things were with my mom and dad....and when they fought it was h**l. and...my mom was always the one on her knees begging my dad to forgive her and she would always use me as an excuse for him not to be mad at her. I HATED IT!!!! i even knew that my dad cheated on my mom. My mom would cry then after she cryed act like she was ok with it and then when he got home it would be like nothing had happened. My dad always told me he was leaving for a buisness trip or whatever and then my mom called him and put him on speaker because I was in the room with her and i wanted to tlk to him...and then some freaking chinese lady answers my dads d**n phone...and i was like 13 when that happened. and my dad always looked at p**n on the internet...it was like he was never happy with my mom. He tried to hide it but it never really worked out all that good. Plus they only stayed together because of me and my brothers. i know thats the reason...they can't ever say it isn't...I even heard my dad say that once before. It was always like my mom never had any say in their relationship...and I'm afraid that thats how things are gonna end up for me and him and I'm gonna feel terrible...I don't know what to do. Please help me here. I love him with all my heart...I am just afraid this is how things are gonna turn out for me and I don't want that to happen. So...just what should I do?

Answer 1

You need to tell him about all this, so he knows why you are afraid of marrying him yet.  Maybe marriage is not for you, for this reason.  But you might just need to get some counselling, as it sounds as if you need to resolve some stuff before you even make a decision.  Good luck

Answer 2

I think you should tell your boyfriend all of the things you just told us.

Right now the poor guy is probably feeling hurt and wondering what he did wrong and why you ran out on his proposal.

Your boyfriend is not your Dad anymore then you are your Mom.

You can both learn from their mistakes.

If you do get married, you will have disagreements and arguments from time to time, but if you can talk about them and see each other's points of view you will get through them.

Call him and talk to him, if he's the sweet guy you think he is, he'll understand. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are a different person and you learned some pretty hard lessons.  The key is that they were lessons on how not to behave in a relationship.  You have learned exactly what not to do.  You can;t let this affect the rest of your life and your relationships or marriage.

My mother always used me as her confidant regarding my father's girlfriends and she was unfaithful also.  I learned very well how not to be and how to make a relationship last.  Look at this as a learning experience.  I'm sorry you were raised like this but it does not have to ruin your life.  Take Care!!!!

Answer 4

YOU DON'T HAVE TO END UP LIKE MOM! Ur a diff. generation BREAK THAT TREND! Do u love that boy and trust him? Tell him everything you just told us! He will understand!

Answer 5

Seek professional counseling.