I'm all out of ideas of disapline for my 12 year old, HELP!?

Question

Also, our standards are pretty normal. You must be kind to your brothers and sisters, you must respect mom and dad, try your hardest in school-you don't have to get straight As, but try hard to achieve, be kind and caring, treat others as you want to be treaed, etc.

And she doesn't hate us LAWL, you must be a teenager yourself and think punishment is unfair.

Answer 1

It kinda depends on what she's doing. Maybe your standards are too high, or your idea of misbehaving is not what she thinks at all. Maybe she thinks you are out to lunch and she is just being a teen/ad.

But, if what she is doing is harmful, might be time to consider military school.

Is she involved in anything? band, sports, arts, etc? Does she want to get involved in anything? I would recommend that. Might give her something to do besides getting into trouble.

If her grades are good, then maybe just weather the storm, and learn for your other kids, but she is still young enough to change for the better.

That's my suggestions.

Maybe call for Super Nanny, or get some help like that. Just watching the show can help too.

Good luck.

Answer 2

This may just be a cry for attention, and while you have 6-7 other kids to deal with, this may be her only way of expressing it (hence if you can't get positive attention, you get negative attention)..  I would recommend sitting down and talking with her (not with the other kids around), and trying to find out what the problem is.   Also talk with her as if she's an adult instead of a child.  Sometimes things can resolve themself once they and you understand the situation better.  But make sure that you continue to make the time to talk to her, not just once.  Every child needs attention, and while you do discipline her for being bad, don't forget to reward her when she's good.  Little things could be, on days she's good, she can pick what dinner is, or some special activity she wants to do with you, maybe a movie?  Punishment and reward go hand in hand.

As far as discipline, I also agree that martial arts is a great way of discipline.  My daughter is 10 and she absolutely loves it.   It is a great way to teach values, respect and self defense.  But again, don't take it as a way of disciplining her.  Look at it as a great way she can learn something new and defend herself when she's older, and make sure your involved.  Ask what new things she's learned everyday, what new moves she can do, and celebrate when she earns a new color belt.  And when she does succeed, make sure she knows how proud you are of her.  It will encourage her to continue with it and strive for more.  

Good luck with it and hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

hello.

im amber 12 and im a girl.

my parents hit me when i was younger that got me good and right real quick, but now that im older i do not get hit i have 1 brother. when i misbehave i get sent to my room. my dad was the second child of 10... i have asked my grandmother how she keept them all in line?!?!? she siad punishment. if she misbehavs take her door off i had that happn to me once it was not good. if she has a phone take it and never give it back. only untill she has been COMPLETELY good for a hole month or two. if she dosnt, tell her to be good for _ months and she can have any phone she wants. my dad did that to me but with grades.

if it dosnt work send her to bording school.

Answer 4

Have you really taken away her stuff? Not simply ``You talked back so no iPod for the rest of the week`` but the next time there is a big blowout strip down her room so she has a mattress on the floor and some clothes in the closet. She can slowly earn her things and privileges back over time by positive behavior choices.

She still can see her friends within reason and do things with the family if she is improving her behavior.

Catch her being good as much as you can while this is going on. You are not putting her under a cloud of hostility -- you are as easy going as you can be and glad to see her as long as she is not throwing a fit about her stuff. Repeat as often as necessary that she can earn the privilege of owning things and having privileges with continued good behavior.

So if she has three days of good behavior as she has done before -- great -- give her some token back. If she says ``What about my iPod (or whatever thing she is really missing)`` say ``If you complete X Y and Z you may have two hours a day with your iPod as long as you come get it from me and turn it back in to me personally in two hours or less.``

Then increase it to a half day then a whole day ...two days...etc.

It is up to her to keep track of the time. If you have to come get it she loses it again.

Which sounds petty but if you read Raising a Daughter by the Eliums (forget their first names) they have different levels of restriction children need based on their behavior from verbal reminders:

``You know that is against the rules.``

``Okay -- sorry.``

Done

To being taken to a locked facility for their own safety.

Obviously your daughter is somewhere in the middle -- what they call brick wall -- you will be immovable until the behavior improves. Then very slowly she gets freedom and responsibility back through earning it.

Answer 5

Of course nothing works because you're NOT disciplining her, you are punishing her and for what?  For being 12?  For going through puberty?

Where are the rules in your home?  Where are the boundaries, why weren't these thing set when she was a small child?  

I have never grounded my children...why would I want to make myself miserable by having a whiny child around all day for weeks?  I have never taken anything away from my children.  When I give them something it is THEIR's.  However they do have privliges (television, video games, computer time) and every privlige has to be EARNED every single day.  If one of my girls doesn't behave she doesn't get her privliges...that's why they call them PRIVLIGES.  If you start your child out in life by allowing them to watch television at will that isn't a privlige and it will have no meaning for them.  You ban her from seeing her friends...why are you trying to punish her friends based upon HER behavior?  Keep going with your methodolgy and she's going to need a therapist well into her adulthood.  There's nothing wrong with your daughter other than lack of REAL discipline (guidance, teaching, showing) and a lack of understanding puberty.  Not to mention a lack of consistency.  You need to pick how you are going to discipline your children and then stick with that plan...doing different things just confuses children and yes at 12 going through puberty she IS going to be a big baby sometimes...she is STILL a child, not an adult so of course she is going to continue to act like a CHILD.

Answer 6

The thing that works is consistency. If you ground her for talking back and then the next time she talks back you just warn her she will keep pushing to find out if you are still in charge. It is a real pain to be as consistent as you need to be but it will be worth it in the end. Sit down with her and tell her the behaviors you want changed and tell her the consequences that will happen if she doesn't follow your rules. Then every time she does it the consequences must happen no matter what. Arguing and begging just lengthens the consequences.  You have to find out what she is least willing to give up and take that away. Make it her responsibility. If she gets in trouble she chose it for herself. You are really sad she chose it but you have no choice but to follow through with the consequence that was explained ahead of time.

Answer 7

Pull the ol' Ward Cleaver.

Answer 8

my parents take away my stuff. also u could ask her if theres somthing she needs from you guys that makes her act out for attention

Answer 9

if she is acting like this its because she hates you.

you keep trying to be mean back by punishing her. she will just get even more mad.

try ungrounding her and having a week or two to herself to show her you care.

if this doesnt work she is either

a. trying to drive you insane.

b. is emo and likes being punished

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Answer 10

I've always believed that you should reward the good rather than always disciplining for the bad.  You know....catch her doing something good and draw attention to that rather than the bad behavior. My son is 11 and I'm sure girls and boys are very different, but it seems to work for him.  We also use a responsibility chart which may seem a little juvenile for a pre-teen, but we also have 2 youner children.  This way, they have their "chores" listed on the chart and they earn a magnet each day they have 1) completed their chores ((simple things depending on their age plus any school work)) and 2) behaved.  We do give them 2 verbal warnings for behavior before actually taking away the magnet for the day b/c afterall, they are kids and we all have slip ups.  At the end of the week, if they have 6 out of 7 magnets earned, they get something special.  I prefer things that are free b/c it will add up quickly, esp w/ more kids.  We do a trip to the park, a frisbee competition, play date w/ friends, choosing the dvd for the weekend, etc.  We also based it on their allowance for the week at one point, but that got a little expensive over time. Depending on your situation, it may be an option though.

Good luck!

Ally

mom to Caleb (11), Ben (7), and Adam (5)

Answer 11

Have you tried taking out a couple of hours once a month to spend time alone with her?

Maybe you can plan something that she would really enjoy.

I enrolled my daughter in a karate class which she is really enjoying.

Answer 12

She constantly misbehaves because she doesn't fear getting in trouble. Wear her little tale out next time she does something wrong and I guarantee it will ger her thinking about what she does before she does it the next time.

Answer 13

12 is a awkward age she may be having problems at school boy etc. or just trying to figure out who she is and hormones are going wild i would just give her a little room and see if that helps

good luck

Answer 14

Well, you can ignore her- everyone hates being ignored- or you can start doing something cool for her on the weekend like taking her out for ice cream or letting her go to the movies with her friends. If she acts up, then just tell her that you won't let her do anything that weekend( along with grounding, restriction, etc, ect)