I'm almost scared to ask ....?

Question

I need some good advice here. My youngest is 10. At what age should I tell him that I gave a baby up for adoption 21 years ago. He's lightly Autistic but not mentally retarded at all. My 3 older kids (step kids but I've raised them on my own for years) already know.

He already know I'm an adoptee. So he knows what adoption is.

Answer 1

tell him when you feel ready. i know this sounds horrible, but, he probably wont care, i mean, i know when i was 10, it wouldnt have effected me if my parents told me that. good luck!

Answer 2

I would say when you feel he is mature enough to handle it. I was about 13 when I found out my mom gave her daughter up for adoption when she was 18. I thought it was a good age. It bonded us. I didn't completely understand at the moment, but over the years i've been able to ask more questions and find more about the whole situation.

good luck!

Answer 3

.What is your motivation for telling him? Are you searching for your son or daughter or are you hoping to be found?

I'd recomend joining a support group for other mothers of adoption loss as well as adoptees https://www.adoptioncrossroads.org might have some suggestions for you.

Answer 4

i would tell him when u are ready  to and when u think its time for him to know as in when he will be able to handle the truth maybe if you know where your other child is now let them meet and start getting along then tell them that there fmaily

Answer 5

Unless you find your son I wouldn't tell him right now. If he had been around when you were caring the baby then i would have told him but since it was so long ago no. All you are going to be doing is have this child wonder like you were his half brother or sister is. now if the child comes looking for you or you find the child then yes by all mean tell him.

Answer 6

I would tell him now. He knows about your experience as an adoptee and it should be easy for him to understand. And, I would be very honest with him about any questions he might ask.

Answer 7

It should be when you are ready. I am sure he will ask you question like why and just tell him why you had too. You will be shocked he just migh understand and if you dont want tell him that is fine but when the time is right you will tell him.

Answer 8

He is young, but you could explain to him that he does have a younger sibling out there. That when you were younger you had to make a tough choice and you had to give his sibling to two people who could take care of his sibling for you. I would also add that you hope in the future that he could meet his sibling.

Answer 9

I think since your asking this question that your ready to tell him. I think he should know. If the one you gave up comes looking for you and you son doesnt know, the one who was given up may think you didn't even care enough to mention it to the one you kept. Just alittel at a time then he'll start asking questions. He may not take it bad being that he knows that your adopted and your doing well.

Answer 10

All I can offer is how my mother and I have dealt with the same situation.

My mom told my sister about me when she was 13. I was placed for adoption at birth and she is 18 months younger than I am. She took it quite well and wanted to start searching for me right away.

My eldest daughter is 10 and I have never hid the fact that her older brother was adopted before she was born. I have pictures of him in the house so I just told her little by little as she asked questions about the "cute baby boy".

Only you know your son and are best able to anticipate his reaction. If you think he is old enough to grasp it then tell him now. I honestly think that the younger they are the better it goes. Kids are resiliant and comprehend more than we often think.

Good luck and happy holidays

Answer 11

I think the younger you tell, the easier it will be, they won't understand fully but they will get the gist of it and when they are older you can tell them more. My son was 23 when I told him I had given up a child. He was pretty upset. I only told him because I found her and he had to know. My friend told her kids when they were very young and they just always knew. I wish I would have done that but my husband didn't want me too, so I didn't.

Answer 12

I would say tell him should the situation arise where that child wants to meet you.  Otherwise let it go.