I'm an indian girl who got married last month. I need help to deal with my mother-in-law ??

Question

For my wedding my parents gave me lots of jewellery almost worth a million. The problem is my mother-in-law wants to keep them...she don't want them, but wants their custody. I don't feel like giving it to her. My hubby keeps mum abt this, saying he can't take any sides. He belongs to a tamil family, but I'm not. They r saying that this is a tamil tradition, that the mother-in-keeps the gold.

Is thr any tamil guys over there, who can really tell me abt this "tradition" ?? Pls help me.

Answer 1

You are confusing me. It is your gold right ? Your mother-in-law has no right to your personal property.

Answer 2

time will teach u. change your hubby.  i mean spekout.time is changed.u need to learn how to make your husband yours first.she has main problem u r not from Tamil family.don't look for advice, olden time tradition is different now days are different.so tradition is different too. your in  lows feel not safe. that y they need your gold.so can not run away.and may be yr husband too.if the don't trust u then u need to create that thing .i wish u come out from this trouble.good luck

Answer 3

I am not from your country, nor am I familiar with your traditions. I think everyone everywhere gets their opinion from who is paying them or who they are sleeping with. Are you paying your husbands mother to sleep with her son and bear her grandchildren? Just who is doing all the work in this relationship? They were gifts to you, not her. If you wish to share or pass on some of these gifts that is your decision. Possession is nine tenths of the law. Once your mother in law gains possession then you loose all control over what happens to "your" gifts. Never trust anyone who has less to loose than you do if things go wrong. If you want to keep the financial security they may provide or end up broke on the street with all your money in the hands of your ex...That is your decision. Who do you trust?

People will head in the direction that they are looking and they will get good at what they practice. Ask your self: where is your mother in law looking and what is she practicing to get there? Is she looking out for your welfare or is she looking to get her hands on some precious gems. What is she practicing to get them? Honesty or deception? Is she a soul with justice in her heart or greed.

I wish you the best in your decision making. I hope it turns out to be an effective and efficient decision that allows you to live a long healthy happy life filled with lots of peace and love...Joe

Answer 4

Hi I am also an Indian and believe me, the law is always on your side.. your mother in law can not force you to do anything.. not even a witness is required..

The fact that you are just married.. you should not annoy your in-laws. .. rather try to take your hubby in confidence and everything will be all right..

If the situation goes out of control then law is on your side.. you should know wat to do then

Answer 5

I'm sorry, I don't know anything about Tamil culture, but personally, I think that's not right. If your parents gave a gift to you for YOUR wedding, why should your mother in law get it? I hope you get everything settled.

Answer 6

Tell in ur religion, if bride gives all these to other, it affects husbands health and its very harmful to him. Ask whether she wants gold or her son. Let her choose.

Answer 7

I don't know about your custom but if your mother gave you the jewely and not your mother-in-law then it belongs to you.  Even thought you are married you need to keep some control in your life.  Keep the jewerly because it's yours.  Your husband seem kind of weak minded not to stick up for you.  Do you know what you have gotten into?  Blessings

Answer 8

I wouldnt give it to her.  I looked up tamil and I did not see that tradition listed anywhere.  I would say this was a gift from my parents and Im not giving it to you.

Answer 9

I don't know what their traditions are  but in the US if you get something for a wedding gift or dowry it is yours and not your mother-in-laws.  Tell her to leave yours and your husbands life alone and tell your husband to get a backbone and stand up to his mother that when you married him you only married him and not his mother.

Answer 10

I totally agree with free_ur_fancy. I mean, ur hbby shud really be on ur side and not ur mom in law. Maybe u shud either give back the gift to ur parents ( If u dont want it to go to ur mom in law ) or tell ur hubby frankly that u want to move out with him and live without ur mominlaw near u.

Answer 11

I can tell you two things:

1) Your husband needs to be on YOUR side. That's part of what marriage is about.

2) The jewelry was a gift to YOU. It is YOURS.

Answer 12

This is no tradition, its only an excuse. On the otherhand, if you dont give your jewelry to your mother in law, she'll be your worst nightmare....the best thing you can do which is sensible and smart is just call up for a family meeting. Tell your hubby, motherinlaw and father inlaw and other family members in the meeting tht it would be wise and sensible if you keep the jewelry in the safety deposit box in the bank where your mother inlaw can come too. Be sure open the safe under your name. iF ANY OF THE FAMILY MEMBER PROTEST, SAY THT ITS THE MATTER OF SAFETY, WHT IF THERE WAS A FIRE IN THE HOUSE, OR WHT IF THERE WAS A THIEF OR BUGLAR....TELL THEM NOT TO BE FOOLISH AND BE WISE, ITS A NEW MILLENIUM NOW....

Tht is wht you call DIPLOMACY.

Answer 13

Once upon a time the best marriage proposal to get is from a locally well known family. Mind You,I said family and not bridegroom.This was the custom of yesteryears in Kerala, and Tamilnadu.During those days,weddings were agreements entered between two families and once the ceremony is over,it is accepted that the wife should belong to the hubbys family and not vice versa.That is, Hubbys family becomes her family,his parents becomes her parents.Slowly,after a not so long period,the girl becomes a stranger in her parents house.

Since, this was the culture of the society where your mother in law belonged,you cannot find fault with her. She is stating the proceedure only. But, today, things are changing and fast.Divorces are quite common now,isnt it,even in Thiruvananthapuram or Tamil Nadu.So it is better to be a little prudent.But you cant put it like this before hubby. I persume he is a very stupid idiot. So the best thing to do is to go for a honeymoon,make him see heaven everytime of the day,then slowly puts it upto him.What if?.

a) if we have to start a business and need cash urgently,we can pawn or sell the jewellery if it is with us

b) If some thing happens to mama your little sister may suffer and we may not be able to help her and the ornaments will come in handy at that time. (BULLSHIT)

You know, your husband is not the first nor the last to be called a hen pecked husband.It is in your hands,and other parts of your body,to make him crave,absolutely crave for you during this inital period and your life will be one supreme bliss.