I'm an introvert - how can I meet people or encourage them to make an effort to get to know me?

Question

I'm an introvert (INFJ_) female and I find that because I'm not loud or running off at the mouth all the time, new people aren't drawn to me - they think I'm cold and too reserved,

I'm not cold - I'm actually warm hearted, kind and loyal with a dry sense of humour. But the assumptions people make about my demeanour when they first meet me causes them to not bother.

I also feel pressured to entertain people with small talk. How can I become good at charming people with small talk if I'm the sort that likes conversations with substance? What do extroverts talk about if not substantial topics?

Answer 1

Ok im definitely an introvert too. People always make wrong assumptions about me because im so shy! In order to get people to be interested in you, you have to make the first move. I know it may sound hard at first and that you cant do it, but i promise you that you can. I did this summer and i was able to be myself and come out of my shell. It was so great not to be burdened by the shyness and i made soo many new friends! Just tell yourself that people are not going to judge you if you speak- because they wont- and that you will be so much happier if you do speak. If i did it, you can do it too! Good luck!!

Answer 2

Apparently you are using the term "introvert" in its Jungian form, and not simply as someone who is shy or "turned inward" and away from other people.

In which case you should know that the Jungian definition doesn't have to do with shyness, but with the way you process information and make use of it. The Jungian introvert "turns inward" to consider problems and their solutions, and only "turns outward" (that is, delivers the results of the thinking) once that process has been concluded.

People may think you are cold or reserved because you tend to think about things by yourself (inwardly) rather than the way a Jungian extravert would...by discussing it with other people, seeking information from the Internet or a library or book, etc.

I had a wife who was a Jungian introvert. She was usually very quiet, and then would speak the results of what she'd been thinking about. That way, I have no input into what she was thinking and wound up with only the results of her thinking.

And yes, she also felt quite pressured to make "small talk." It did not come easy to her. And it made it hard on me, since I'm something of a yakker and wanted to have two-way conversations all the time! You ask what extraverts talk about? (And yes, despite the Yahoo spell-checker, it is "exteravert" in Jung's spelling, not "extrovert.") They talk about things...just about anything.

Unfortunately she was introvert all the way...never told anyone or even hinted to anyone that she was going to take her own life. Which she did. Our son found her, about ten days after she did it.

--  Dr. Bob

Answer 3

I suggest you talk to one person at a time and focus on getting to know them and establishing some common ground. Ask questions and don't be afraid when the other person asks you questions in return. One of the best people I worked with was an introvert (I'm an extrovert) and once we got to know each other, we had lots of great conversations and joked around quite a bit. These relationships take time to build, so try not to hurry things along. Good luck!