I'm attracted to a coworker, but I still love my fiance very much...?

Question

I had a dream a few nights ago in which a male coworker and I were involved in a relationship. It wasn't an intimate dream, just that we were dating and enjoying being together. He is 29 and I am 22; he has a girlfriend and I am engaged. My fiance and I have been together for six years.

Anyway, since the dream, I've found myself being awkward around him at work (we're RN's, working 12-hour nights). I want to be around him all the time and my heart and belly flutter a little bit every time he talks to me. I'm new on the unit and still in orientation and feel totally incompetent most of the time, but he has been very nice. He's not precepting me (thank goodness), but he still asks if I need help with anything, etc. He whispered in my ear that I was doing a good job and I about jumped out of my skin.

I can't get him out of my head and I keep looking at his MySpace and Facebook. I cried at work because I had didn't have a perfect evaluation and now I feel like I've made a fool of myself in front of him.

Anyway, I still love my fiance very much and plan to marry him soon. We've set a date of August 2009, but he is leaving to go overseas in November and will be deployed for six months.

I just want these thoughts out of my head, but I can't get them to go away. I only want thoughts of my fiance there! But, I keep having fantasies about my coworker and I being together and what our first kiss would be like.

I feel awful. I will not act on these feelings because I know that they would only lead to trouble, plus I doubt this poor coworker of mine even wants involved with me (although he did mention his girlfriend and him were on the outs and I stupidly got excited; he didn't mention it to just me, there were other people around).

How can I make myself stop having these feelings for my coworker? What do you think is going on?

Answer 1

They should go away, but they might not.

You'll just have to see what happens, if it's just a phase or what.

but often, the longer, the heart grows fonder.

:) best wishes.

you're normal! This happens A LOT. You just need to make sure you do the right thing.  

Answer 2

Marry your guy and do the other one on the side!

Answer 3

   I have to agree with wt rd, get transferred to another section. Whatever happens though.......under no circumstances if you allow your loins to think for you and do something totally stupid , do you tell your boyfriend anything till he is safely home. He has enough on his mind without being preoccupied with a woman that doesn't deserve him.

   You are infatuated with this co-worker lots of people  are from time to time, time to get over it, and grow up. The dreams are nice leave them under your pillow when you leave for work.

Answer 4

i think many people have these thoughts too. so you are not alone. he's probably georgeous and intellectual and appealing to you in all the right ways right?? plus, your lonely and looking for attention and affection. a little bit of fantasy never hurts! you have already decided that you love your husband way too much to act on your thoughts....good for you! you are doing everything right. I have had crushes on a lot of my guy friends for the same reasons and have always remained faithful to my man. I know better than to step over that boundary. Hey, I think Nicholas Cage is the sexiest man alive but, i could not see myself leaving my man for him. like I said, enjoy your fantasy!!! that's all it is and as long as you remain faithful, it's your little secret. Also, if you really like the guy then be his friend, sometimes the best friendships can occur where you least expect it. That way you do not have to get too close but, you can still be a woman in his life and be the shoulder there when he needs honest and caring advice in his life. maybe you can even make friends with his girl and possibly give advice on patching their relationship up. I bet he'd be greatful.

I always try and protect my guy friends, and  as an opposite s*x, it can be very helpful when they are confused by the female mind!! I just so happen to know how their girls might be feeling and in turn they can try and be more sensitive to what their girl might need, after my advice.

Answer 5

Do your fiance a favor and cancel the wedding. You sound like you might cheat on him sooner or later.

Answer 6

Dianna,

To be honest; you are young and you will meet many people in your life that make your heart "flutter". The thing to remember is, is that "Fluttering" feeling only lasts so long. Everything is more fun when it's new, but eventually things get old, and the fluttering goes away. It doesn't mean it isn't there anymore, you simply got used to it; like you did with your fiance and like you would with this guy.

Just enjoy him at work, have fun, and flirt if you want to but do not cross the line, and every time you think that you want to, remind yourself that if you did, you would be in the same place with this guy a few years from now, as you are with your fiance right now.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

Whatever is happening to you is common to most ladies that are working for the first time after leaving high school/college. I will admonish you to kill whatever feeling you have toward your co-worker because such feeling are not real and can only lead to regret. Most men have used such method  of been nice to young ladies in workplace to take advantage of them. Whenever you are with your co-worker i will advice you to talk more about how much you love your fiance, how caring your fiance is, how you cant wait to be with your fiance...... etc and see if your co-worker attitude will not change toward you.

Wish you the best my dear and try see the good thing about your fiance.

Answer 8

You should go with what your heart tell you :)

Now don't marry him if your not gonna spend the rest of your life with him

Answer 9

Please hold off getting married until you get your feelings straightened. Stop spending time with this co-worker unless absolutely necessary. If need be, start looking for another job. You have become obsessive with him. You need to be away from him. Go seek therapy too, it may help you straighten your life out.

Answer 10

Dont get married until you are sure

Answer 11

Oh,come on! Live a little dangerously! Have a little fling with this guy and you'll either want to dump your fiance and go with this bloke, or not.

The truth is that you are not yet MARRIED, so this is the time to experiment. It will save you from wondering for the rest of your life.

Even if you stick with your fiance, you'll probably enjoy the fling... and so will your co-worker... he's a bloke!

Answer 12

I've been there!

The good old infatuation causing dream. I've also had it the other way around where I dreamt a family member was trying to kill me and I was afraid of him for weeks.

Usually it will fade away in time. Just don't do something silly and risk your relationship with your fiancee. Don't do anything that you can't undo. See how you feel in a few weeks.

Answer 13

Have u tried talking to a Shrink?

Answer 14

I guess, I would suggest very shortly:

Ask for changing the position without letting him know the reason; and stop contacting to him.

Good Luck!