I'm being bad mouthed by my daughters BFF's Mom, is she right? ?

Question

Hello,

My 10 year old daughter was invited to a birthday party for a boy she has known since kindergarten. The party was at our apartment complex pool/clubhouse, and I had intended to go with her. The day of the party, I woke up with an abcessed tooth, (I looked like a monster, my jaw was so swollen), and was in extreme pain. To make matters worse, I started my period, and no way would be doing any swimming on day one of THAT! I can see the pool from my balcony, my daughter can swim, so rather than have her miss the party, I let her go without me. The boys Mother was hosting the party, and apparently she was angry that I did not come. Her son told my daughter today at school that she talked about me all the next day, how I was a horrible mother, (she wrongfully assumed that I never even checked on my daughter, when I can see the pool from my balcony), he also heard her on the phone saying maybe she should call someone about it! I may be totally in the wrong here, but from the invitation, I wasn't sure if I was even invited to the party. The invitation was to my daughter, with no mention of "parents welcome", or I guess in this case maybe it should have said "parent required". This woman doesn't live here in the complex, and all I know of her is from school functions, ( she is very snooty to me) and of course her son has passed along things she has said about me for a few years now. (Apparently being a single Mom living in the same complex as her ex husband has made her dislike me from day one) I would have gone down to the pool, (looking like Frankenstein or not) and explained the situation, had she not always been so unfriendly to me. I plan on adding a note to her with the thank you card my daughter is writting her, should it be a polite "what is your problem", or an apology? I admit I was reluctant to let my daughter attend without me, so maybe I am the one who is wrong?

Answer 1

yes you are wrong

Answer 2

I don't have children, but it sounds as though this other mother is a bit immature.  Call me insane, but I don't find it appropriate for an adult to vent about another adult to a child.  Perhaps she wasn't directing it to her child or conversing with him and he simply overheard her, but it isn't setting a very good standard.  Also, when I was a child, my parents let me attend other children's parties without coming along all of the time.  I can't even remember a time when my parents accompanied me to a party.  It was always common knowledge that the parents of the child for whom the party is being held would act as chaperons - unless of course they feel the need for additional chaperons and then, they would ask other parents if they were available.  

Maybe things are different now and people have to be their children's shadow all of the time, but that seems counterproductive to teaching your children to be a person.  I don't know.

To put it short, I think the other mother acted a little ridiculous and I can't really see where you are in the wrong.  The only thing that I can think of that you COULD have done was to call the other mother and explain your situation and the fact that you were sending your daughter to the party without you.  I see nothing wrong with the fact that you stayed home.  10 years old is certainly old enough to attend an adult-supervised birthday party for a friend even if your own parent is not one of the adults.  

Answer 3

I would let it go for a couple of reasons --  

1. Your daughter is friends with this woman's son, which means, if you say something to her, she may not want him hanging out with your daughter anymore. That would probably raise some weird questions and be very awkward.  

2. You aren't getting the full story. I mean, you're taking this info second and third hand. Not to mention, it's coming from 10 year olds. You never know what else could have been said, whether it be better or worse than what you already know.  

3. It's a birthday party which, unless otherwise stated, typically means that the host or hostess of the party is going to watch your kid. No matter if you had a tooth ache or not, you aren't really supposed to go and hang out. If something was happening to your daughter in the water, plenty of people were around, so it's not like you would have been the only one to help her if she were in some sort of danger.

4. If she has always been snooty to you, a card probably wont help. I would just brush this off of your shoulders. If she doesn't have the common decency to be friendly to her children's friends and parent, then she doesn't deserve your time, money or thoughts over this. Don't worry about it. There are people out there who actually DO see that single parents rock! They work their butt's off - if one snooty b**ch thinks you werent being a good parent for a few hours one afternoon, oh well !! It's her problem for stooping lower than you could ever imagine and speaking about it around her son.  

Answer 4

I would call her & say that normally you enjoy going to the parties but that you were unfortunately very ill & in pain- but that you could see your daughter from the balcony & that it looked like she had a really good time so thanks for inviting her.

JUST to clear that up & put her in her place-

& then I would never allow my daughter to go to another function w/ that b*tch again

your daughter is 10 ! not 2! If she was little then I could see, but, honestly by 10 they WANT to start being more independent & going to bday parties w/ just their friends-

that woman is vicious. YOU did nothing wrong

Answer 5

shes a ***

Answer 6

thats horrible. shes wrong. not you. wow shes a mom an shes acting like shes 5.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

My kids have gone to many parties and the parents just drop the kids off and they are 5 year olds.  If you could see her from the balcony, the party was supervised and there was nothing on the invite that said parents must come, then I think that you are in the right, the other mother is being a jerk and I think that she is jeaolous of you!  Don't feel bad

Answer 8

<Laughs and waves and screams 'enough already'>

Answer 9

I would send a note to her saying "Thank you for inviting my daughter to your sons party. Sorry I couldn't attend but I was very ill but I was watching from the balcony so I could see my daughter was having fun and she just loves to swim so again thank you for inviting her".  That way she knows you were watching and that you were sick that's why you didn't come.  Some people though just like to talk and bad mouth other people, it is what makes them happy.  I know plenty of parents that drop their kids off at the birthday party and don't go in so don't feel bad, the woman just sounds like a pain in the a** to me.  

Answer 10

you were not wrong...she never specified parents welcome or should attend..she just sounds like a huge b*tch and i think you should just ignore her retarded comments...she is just trying to start drama and sounds like she should still be in highschool..

good luck

Answer 11

it should be an apologetic explanation. more explaining than apologizing. and then maybe telling her you dont appreciate her badmouthing you like that. she sounds like a real pill!  

Answer 12

i dont think you are wrong at all, and I think the other parent is overreacting, but call her on it, have a mature conversation explaining everything about the situation and about ALL that you heard about what she said, there could be a miscommunication going on as well.

Answer 13

no, no, no your not the bad mom in this picture at all! you sound like a wonderful mother, and that mother sounds like one of those p.t.a. moms who has nothing better to do then make trouble, so i think you should call her on the telephone or send her a letter telling her why you did not attend and how u could see from your balcony, and how the invitation never said parents HAD to attend, ok i really hope i helped lol, good luck! :-)

Answer 14

go drown hee in her pool lol jk jk but dont stoop to her level but simply talk to her or give her something to talk about...make her HAVE to talk about you lol at least have fun with it. thats what id do

Answer 15

Ideally, you should just ignore her. However, this is not easy to do. Since your daughter is writing a thank you card to her, maybe you should just include something like an apology for not attending due to sickness & mentioned that you can see that the party was a great success. With this, she will be aware of the actual reason & know that you were watching. Hopefully, this will stop her from bad mouthing you. However, if it doesn't, its not your problem then. its her who has problem. You should get away from this kind of people. Its just not worth it. Don't waste your life "entertaining" these people.

Answer 16

Isn't amazing how much drama adults drag kids into?You did nothing wrong and in fact were going to attend with your child which is what I would have done. Maybe you should have sent a note saying you were ill. Thats optional since the invite did not say parents are expected.

I would add the note to your daughters. Hopefully it will make the mom aware of her "bit#hy" self.  

Answer 17

neither one of u are *wrong* she should have put childcare or parents welcome

u should hav called and asked

Answer 18

I don't go to birthday parties that my daughter is invited to..

Answer 19

I would explain to her about the invitation that YOUR DAUGHTER got didnt mention parents welcome.. she has alot of nerve for calling you a horrible mother when she doesnt know anything about you. i would also explain to her your circumstances since she was so rude to blab about you to her own son. Abcessed teeth hurt like h**l. did you go to the doctor that day? i would tell her that.  

Answer 20

I would not let gossip upset you. They obviously did not know your condition. I would send the thank you not, and apologize for not being able to attend with your daughter. Your not in the wrong. If your daughter was 2-7 years old then of course you probably would have gone or tell your daughter she couldn't`t go because you were sick. NO WORRIES! I will pray about it for you;o)

Answer 21

honestly im in high school right now and im going through the same kinds of problems but not the exact ones as you. But, the main point here is do you really want to waste your breath telling her something shes not going to even take into consideration.  She sounds like a defensive mom ex: my baby never did anything wrong its your child that has the problem  I got that from a mom telling my mom that very sad that there is even anyone alive that can sound or act that mean.  Go with what you think is best because remember anything you do end up doing can or may have an effect on your daughter with her friend.  Very hard to choose I understand but, either way you go she will find many more friends to come later on.

Answer 22

go to her house and kindly apologise for you absence and mention that you looked like the snaggle tooth killer and didnt want to scare the children, and thats why you didnt go.

She will feel like a total b*tch after that.

Answer 23

Adding "what is your problem" to the end of a thank you card is not polite. I don't know why your daughter would be writing a thank you card at all, because it's usually to host (the ten year old boy) who writes a thank you card for his presents.

Keep in mind that you're hearing about this through your daughter who heard it through her friend who heard it by eavesdropping on his mother. The truth is bound to be twisted. Unless she is directly cold toward you, it would seem silly to say anything and you should just ignore her. If she IS cold and witchy toward you to the point where it's a problem, maybe ask her gently if you've done anything to offend her.

Also, a ten year old who has experience swimming shouldn't need a parent to go along with her at a swimming party, and it doesn't make any sense that the woman would criticize you for that as I doubt any other parents stayed. This story seems to have a lot of holes in it, tbh

Answer 24

i say slap the ****** in her mouth and quit talkin $hit before u stick her in her jaw!

Answer 25

That mothers a *****.

Your right. And...omg.. i cant even say all the things i wanna say that is wrong with that other mother!!!

Answer 26

its either ur daughter is a bi.......tch in gerneral, or just a bi....tch to u, i would put my money on the first one

Answer 27

no you are in the right here. if the invitation didn't say child and mom then you do not have to go. im sure not every parent of every child went to the party. maybe the son, just made things up about his mother saying stuff about you, or maybe she really did, in which case she is totally wrong. if you want to confront the mother i would not do it in your daughters thank you note, because you dont need your child getting involved in adult problems in any way. so maybe a seperate note to the mother or a phone call explaining why you didn't attend the party and that you could see your daughter at the pool. honestly if that doesn't resolve the issue, just dont associate with this woman anymore. shes not worth your time. well good luck with everything!

Answer 28

Try to be polite, it will pass, and calmly explain your situation in a simple note.

Answer 29

wow your daughters bff mom is a loser

Answer 30

just ask your daughter to tell her friend to stop repeating everything his mother says. it no doubt bothers your daughter and he should know this. if he really is a friend, he'll stop.

if you say anything catty to this woman it will just prove her right (in her mind)

good luck hunny

Answer 31

Ok when I first read this I was under the impressions by the way you were talking that you were some young teenage mom who hasn't matured yet... then I realized you have a ten year old daughter! Your an adult... handle this like an adult. CALL THE MOM. Let her know what happened. Every mature adult knows that communication is the key to solving these problems. Your going according to your ten year old's "BFF" third party information. GROW UP!