I'm bored.... Best Joke wins!!!!!!! I need a laugh!!!!!!!?

Question

I'm bored.... Best Joke wins!!!!!!! I need a laugh!!!!!!!?

Answer 1

WHAT IS 2+2 ? IT IS 4 HA HA !!!

Answer 2

A pastor looked in the donation box and was surprised to find a $10,000 bill inside, so he asked the man who donated the generous amount to stand. It was a g*y. So the pastor told him,

"Thank you, my son. You may choose any 3 hymns of your choice."

The g*y replied, "Ok, I want him, him and him."

Answer 3

Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave noticed his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows.

He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing."

"Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow."  

Answer 4

FRIST JOKE ::::During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account! ........................................... JOKE :::Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom?

A. EUROPEAN... of course! ,..........................................

.........................................

THRID JOKE::: Why were the little strawberries upset? A) Because their parents were in a jam!........

Answer 5

See http://www.hilariousauctions.com.

Answer 6

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

Answer 7

go on an off beat vacation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm1-cV_3p...

i am funnier on video  

Answer 8

A small plane was carrying three passengers over a mountain range -- an old man, his grandson, and an eminent scientist.

Suddenly, the pilot burst into the cabin, saying 'The engines have all failed! Grab a parachute and jump from the plane!' With this, the pilot opened the cabin door and lept out with his parachute.

To their dismay, the 3 passengers discovered only 2 parachutes were left in the cabin!

The Eminent Scientist took a pack, saying 'I'm sorry you two, but I won a Nobel Prize, I am the head of several intellectual Think Tanks -- honestly, I'm worth more to society than either of you'. The Eminent Scientist leapt from the plane.

The Old Man turned to his grandson and said, 'My dear boy, take the last parachute. I've had a good life. Yours has just begun.'

'Don't worry, Grandpa' said the young boy, 'Its ok, that guy just jumped out the plane with my backpack.'

Answer 9

stan said:i saw you pushing your bike to school

ray said:i was so late,i didn't have time to get on it

Answer 10

This young man comes home from Ranger school, and tells his dad about what they had him do.

"they tried to make me jump out of an air plane !! but i looked out the door and knew there was no way i would do it!!"

"then my drill sargeant came up to me and said if i didn't jump, he was gonna stick his baton up my hind end!!!"

his dad asked him, "did you jump?"

"A little at first!!"

and my other joke is :

What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?

CHOKED!!!

Answer 11

Not long into a long distance drive son asks from the back for the 4th time how long before we get there.

Father loses temper stops gets out and yells don't ask again how    long before we get there or you wont get there.

After about 5 minutes of peace a little voice in the back pips up

How old will I be when we get there?

Answer 12

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"  

Answer 13

i think this is the best joke to pull...  and it's simple.  just by getting someone to go to http://stuffididlastnight.com

Answer 14

What is the most expensive doll?

answer: DOLLar.

Answer 15

boy and girl chat

b: hey i want a picture of you naked!

g:with my phone??

b: yes I want to see a picture of you naked with your phone

g:how can i take a picture of my self naked if the phone is with me

b: use a mirror

g:  ill take my picture with my cellphone  infin front the mirror

b:yes!!!

g:that works!!!^^_^^

b:so can u take a picture of your self naked?^^

g:HOW???>_<

Answer 16

there was a very steep hill, which at the bottom had a set of traffic lights. the vicar lived on the top and would, every morning, cycle down the hill on has bike. now, the local bobby didn't get on too well with the vicar and wanted to find something to report him for. so each morning he waited at the traffic lights in the hope that the vicar would go over on the red. but. every morning he stopped, waited and went across on the greeen. the policeman was getting so frustrated and one day, as the vicar stopped at the bottom, he jumped out,

"i don't understand it! why do you never do anything wrong!!'

the vicar replyed "that is because god is always with me"

"Got yarh" yelled the policeman"two on a bike!!"